Monday, August 27, 2012


The Scream Queen.  In the same respect that Sandra Bullock will forever be associated with her roles in romantic-comedies, the horror genre is well recognized as a genre that keeps reusing the same actresses over and over again.  Horror is a very peculiar genre in that it takes a very particular viewer to appreciate it.  That being said, we're a diehard group of fans and love seeing our favorite actors/actresses over and over and over again.  Witness, the Scream Queen.  A title coined for Fay Wray and perfected by Hazel Court, the scream queen of the modern era is a creature entirely their own.  Most notably, actresses like Linnea Quigley, and Jamie Lee Curtis have chosen horror as their mainstay.  More recently, scream queens tend to be actresses that make their living performing in campy B-Movies for the majority of their career.  While this isn't a bad thing in any facet, it would appear that the true, genuine scream queen is a dying breed. By definition, a scream queen is an actress that has starred in a large amount of horror films in sequence and seems to always return to said genre.  So I ask, where have all the scream queens gone?

Now I must preface this by saying that I'm completely aware of the talents of Danielle Harris, Tiffany Shepis, and Debbie Rochon.  True scream queens know they're scream queens and I don't need to justify their careers on my website.  This is more so focused to the recent splurge of self-proclaimed scream queens.  I'm sorry, but just because you screamed at a CGI monster in a push up bra in two're not a scream queen (I'm looking at you Jaimie Alexander).  It is true that a good load of aspiring actors/actresses get their start in horror films, but it seems as though up and coming talent is taking advantage of that concept.  Bitches need to learn their roots and throw a bone to the genre that got them their start.  I'm not saying that actresses shouldn't do other work outside of horror films, but they need to be deserving enough to call themselves a scream queen...and that includes doing more than just a handful of horror films.  The title of "Scream Queen" isn't given out like Halloween candy, it's earned.
This leads me to quite possibly my biggest issue with the modern "scream queen".  Reality television. The acting business is NOT an easy business to get into, and I can't help but turn into a green monster whenever I see these no-talent bimbos making a name for themselves when they have absolutely zero credibility to back it up.  VH1's Scream Queens infuriated me to absolutely no end. NONE of these girls knew anything about the genre they're trying to break into. In season 2, When Freddy Krueger fell from the ceiling, a girl referred to him as "the boogeyman".  Let's be honest here, she called him the boogeyman because she had no flipping clue who he was.  Don't you dare try to tell me she was referencing the "do you believe in the boogeyman?" line from A Nightmare on Elm Street.  I understand that this is an "acting" competition first and foremost,

but at least do your research before you show up to the set.  I would bet my college tuition money that none of these girls had any clue who Tim Sullivan was. The first season's host, Shawnee Smith, didn't return for the second season and while I complained that Shawnee Smith had the same amount of presence as a turkey sandwich on the first season, I think she was more deserving of the host role than replacement host Jaime King.  The show is about becoming a HORROR actress, a Scream Queen...and I can count the amount of prominent horror films Jaime King has performed in on one hand.

The only thing keeping me somewhat sane is the talented young actress, Jodelle Ferland.  At only 17 years old, the not even legal actress has starred in more horror films than some of the women mentioned in this article combined.  What I admire most about the actress is not only her ability to perform well despite poor scripts or bad direction, but she takes just about every horror role offered to her.  While she's most easily recognized as Alessa in the Silent Hill movie, she's also the one-armed zombie Buckner child from The Cabin In The Woods, baby Carrie in the made for TV remake, a favorite of Wes Craven's more recent films, and even lent her voice for the kid-friendly horror flick, Paranorman.  I said it on twitter and I'll say it here, I'm calling it now, Jodelle Ferland is the second coming of Danielle Harris.  She made a name for herself in the horror genre as a little one, and the horror genre has been very kind to her through the years.  I hate to say it, but this little one is holding my hope for the scream queen survival in her hands.

Saturday, August 25, 2012


Edgar Wright's smash zombie comedy, Shaun of the Dead, has been prevailed as the quintessential film in the subgenre.  Many critics have praised the film as one of the best horror films of the last twenty years, and with good reason.  Don't get me wrong, this film is bloody phenomenal.  The sense of humor in the dialogue is universally accepted as brilliant and Edgar Wright has consistently put out incredibly solid films since stepping into the game.  However, it's the characterizations and relationships between said characters that fans and critics alike have been going gaga over.  With Ed, quite possibly the best sidekick to a horror straight man in film history and an incredibly strong ensemble, all of the characters are ones that audiences can easily identify with.  Everyone knows someone like Ed, Shaun, Phillip, Pete, Barbara, Yvonne, Liz, David, and Dianne. 

The film is centered solely around "Average-Joe," Shaun and his friends during the zombie apocalypse.  His perseverance to save the lives of his friends, family, and the love of his life are usually accepted as admirable as well as endearing.  His determination to ensure the safety of those close to him instill in us a sense that Shaun is a really stand-up guy.  The thing is, he's not. Shaun Riley is a really shitty human being and moreso, a terrible boyfriend to the "love of his life," Liz. 

Did Shaun save his girlfriend's life? Yes. Did he try his very hardest to ensure everyone's well being? Yes. Did he do this out of the kindness of his heart? No. Let's be honest here, people. It took the zombie apocalypse for Shaun to finally get his life together and make a change.  On the most basic level, Liz asked him to do ONE thing. ONE. After years of dating she simply asked him to make a reservation for their anniversary dinner and he couldn't even do that.  Not only that, but when she called him to confirm the reservation was made, he was too busy feeling insecure in regards to a seventeen year old to actually get it done.  He's a grown man and he felt threatened by a seventeen year old.  Get it together, man.  When confronted about his inability to take his girlfriend on a real date without bringing along his best friend to a location that isn't their local bar, Liz is fit to reveal just how much of a disappointment Shaun has been over the years.  These complaints are extremely justified and are only issues due to Shaun's inability to actually do something with his life. He's a smart chap, just a giant pile of wasted potential.  The fact Liz stayed with him for as long as she did is absolutely baffling, as she should have kicked his sorry ass to the curb years ago.

Shaun is nothing but a disappointment. Don't get me wrong, he's the kind of guy I'd ask to share a drink with or ask for advice on electro music, but sure as shit wouldn't be a guy I'd date.  David said it best, Shaun is "a man whose idea of a romantic nightspot and an impenetrable fortress are the same thing."  Even throughout the film, his actions are ridiculously selfish. He keeps saying "it's about survival" but it's not. It really was about fixing his relationship the entire time and no, those things are not the same.  He doesn't take the ideas of anyone else into consideration and only goes along with anyone else's opinion if it encourages his original idea. I don't understand the fangirling. I don't. Shaun...sort of sucks.

Thursday, August 23, 2012


I'm a massive Chloe Moretz fangirl.  I have no shame in admitting that. Chloe Grace Moretz has been one of my favorite young actresses of the past few years.  When she was only fourteen years old, Chloë Grace Moretz (at the time) had 39 acting roles to her name and was recently voted the "Favorite Movie Star Under 25" over the four main castmates of the Harry Potter films at the People's Choice Awards. Moretz has taken on (and completely owned) a vast majority of roles and showed her acting chops each and every time, with a large amount of them taking place in our beloved genre.  She is highly respected for her decisions to play unconventional and challenging roles and even more so for portraying them with such prowess and elegance.  After much dismay over the announcement of the Carrie remake and Moretz as the star, I took it upon myself to write an analysis of Chloe Moretz as Carrie White.  It's an article I am very proud of and will hopefully be able to stand behind once the film is released.  Yesterday, the first images of Moretz were released as Carrie and the internet was thrown into an uproar about her appearance of being "too pretty". 

I'd kindly like to direct the naysayers to the photo on the left.  Audiences seem to forget that for a moment, Sissy Spacek looked remarkably beautiful.  It is true that for the rest of the film she appeared ridiculously greasy and tattered, but the prom scene showed Sissy Spacek in her natural element, as an ethereal goddess.  In the 1970s, this sort of look was idolized.  The long hair with middle part, natural makeup, tiny frame, and dewy skin made Spacek glow under the lights at the Bates Hotel prom and people seem to forget that.  Chloe Moretz is getting gussied up for the prom in 2012.  As someone who only graduated high school a mere 4 and a half years ago, take it from me when I say that Chloe looks rather plain for a modern prom.  Girls today spend about as much money on a dress as some do for their wedding gowns, spend hundreds of dollars on hair, nails, shoes, tans, makeup, and look as if they're about to walk the red carpet at the Oscars.  It's almost as if Toddlers and Tiaras grew up.  Newsflash people, it's not 1970 anymore, and this film is set in modern times.  Looking at this photo I can tell that Chloe isn't wearing any eyeliner and her hair looks as if she did it herself.  In today's modern era of CosmoGirl beauty standards...she looks incredibly out of place.  Exactly the way Carrie should look.

Julianne Moore on the other hand looks fantastic as Margaret White.  While she may not be donning the infamous frizzy 'do of Piper Laurie, she looks perfect for a modern religious nutjob momma.  Julianne Moore is one of the most beautiful actresses of our time (and seems to have stopped aging...) and she looks like she's been to Hell and back in this photo.  Good lord, the damage to the ends of her hair make me want to drench her in conditioner.  What frustrates me the most about this entire situation is that it seems that people are unable to fathom the concept that fashion styles and the standards of beauty have changed dramatically since the initial creation of Carrie.  While it will be impossible to invoke the initial sensation of the original film, I firmly believe that the casting choices have left director Kimberly Peirce with an opportunity to bottle lightning.  Kimberly Peirce has consistently provided audiences with quality films and I see this as no exception.  Hell, my biggest complaint is that Portia Doubleday is playing my main bitch, Chris Hargensen.  Nancy Allen's shoes are going to be the toughest to fill.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


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