NOTE: I composed this review a month or so ago and have absolutely no recollection of writing it. I came across it in my blog drafts and after a couple dozen requests from my twitter followers, I'm releasing it here for you all to see. Be warned: alcohol is a hell of a drug.
In case you haven't been reading me for a while, you should know by now that only I'm a half step above a fetus. That's right, Ms. BJ-C is only 22 years old. That being said, I have no shame in admitting that I still live with my parents while fulfilling my collegiate degree and they still pay for my shit. Meaning, my parents pay my tab at the bar...sometimes, okay...most of the time. I guess they're figuring that paying for my tab will equate to my being a designated driver on the nights I stay at home with my skype boyfriend. They're right. Weeelll, Tonight is one of those nights! I came home after an eventful night (with the parental units on my bicycle that does include a bell and basket) to pop on FEARnet. My mom is a HUGE horror junkie and the sole reason I am the huge geek I am today. I have a confession: I just spent twenty or so minutes proofreading that last paragraph. AAAAANYWAY, my Mom wasn't ready to tackle the SAW franchise because she wanted to see them all at once, so I put on the remake version of one of her favorite films, When A Stranger Calls. Although Camilla Belle isn't quite the doe eyed teenager as Carol Kane was, her eyebrows more than make up for it. They're distracting, there I said it. Her brows were distracting when she was the little girl that fed her sandwich to dinosaurs in The Lost World, and they're distracting now.
So then out of nowhere her ex-bff shows up? Wait. What? They're fighting. Blondie bits played a few rounds of tonsil hockey with Browilla Belle's boy toy and now she shows up to apologize? Does this screenwriter understand how teenagers work? These bitches would be passive aggressively talking about each other on facebook, eerrr...at this time it would have been myspace. The fact that she showed up to make amends and apologize is far less believable than Browilla Belle thinking she doesn't need to check the children. I have an idea. From now on, filmmakers have to meet with actual teenagers before writing teenage characters. If this behavior was performed, we wouldn't have Diablo Cody dialogue or When a Stranger Calls behavior. Sound good? Okay.
That concludes a less than sober review of the remake of When A Stranger Calls. I imagine this would have been far better suited as a vlog. Let me know what you'd prefer in the comments section.