Tuesday, April 3, 2012


I'm going to say something here and now that I've never said on this blog. Illinois sucks. Seriously. It does.  Chicago (and its suburbs) are their own insane subplanet and are therefore immune to the soul crushingingly devastating side effects of growing up in an area where domestic beer is a food group and corn fields are used as landmarks.  I'm talking about West, Central, and Southern Illinois.  Every now and then, a few of the inhabitants manage to escape the treacherous grasps of inconsistent climates and corrupt government officials and actually make something of themselves.  As a current college student thrown out of my familiar city environment into a campus with the undisputed title of Keystone Light's largest importer (I wish I was kidding, I really, really do) it's no surprise that the number one goal I have in my life is to escape this place and never EVER have to look back.  Horror Screenwriter Marcus Dunstan did it with flying colors, and I've only been recently discovering others who have done the same.  Witness Jason Pargin, better known to the world as David Wong. 

Unless you hate comedy and America, you've heard of Cracked.com, the website that saved the name MAD Magazine made its bitch throughout the history of everything.  Cracked Magazine was the Daniel Baldwin to MAD Magazine's Alec.  After Al Gore invented the internet however, MAD was left cranking out terrible television shows and Cracked figured out exactly how to reign supreme...with numbered lists, hilarious commentary, and wit that would make Oscar Wilde blush. Jason Pargin is the Senior Editor and writes for the site under the pen name David Wong and not only does he restore faith that society doesn't really think things like Jack & Jill are funny, but he's bred right out of Southern Illinois. In fact, he's STILL there. Props to him. Seriously Growing up in this area would require you to develop a hell of a personality, and David Wong clearly has.  Not to mention the most important reason I'm discussing him, he knows the shit out of horror. All of cracked seems to be compiled of fanboys/girls but Wong is easily their Captain.

The first article I ever read on cracked was one written by Wong and TE Sloth titled "5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen" and featured an image of the horde outside of the Winchester pub from Shaun of the Dead.  I remember sitting in my white walled dorm cell with nothing but the glow of my macbook in my face reading this article and thinking to myself "Holy Shit, this guy is the Messiah."  From then on, I've been HOOKED on Cracked and they even have an entire section on their website ENTIRELY DEDICATED TO HORROR. There was even an article that linked to my blog at one point and THIS ARTICLE still remains to be my second highest read article of all time because of it.

A movie called John Dies At The End recently took the Sundance film festival by storm, and the film is a horror comedy based entirely on the book of the same name written by, you guessed it, David Wong. From what I've heard, the film is much like the book in that it's the sort of thing that may not be fully understood by all, but is appreciated and highly enjoyed by those who love comedic horror.  Somehow, a guy who writes on the internet and wrote a book got the frackin' director of Phantasm and Bubba Ho-Tep to turn his book into a movie.  If David Wong isn't "the man" I'd pay a hefty sum of whatever is in my pocket to see who is.  I've read John Dies At The End and it's really, really funny.  I knew Wong could write hilarious commentary, but he writes some pretty snicker worthy dialogue as well, a feat most comedic writers cannot achieve. (I'm looking at you every movie written by a stand-up comedian, ever).  More importantly, David Wong has helped ease horror back into the lives of mainstream, normal folk.  Cracked is read by a kajillion people a day, and just think...every time a horror article is read, a zombie gets his brains. 
David Wong: I salute you.

3 comment(s):

Anonymous said...

Jason Pargin is an absolute idiot.

Anonymous said...

I with the other ANON. He's a ani-logical nonsensical writer and deplorable website editor and online bully. His book could've been written by a 13 year old and one drunk editor. He lets his team post stuff without fully researching (actually made fun of a song written for the lead singers dead song) and it's filled with broken links to youtube.

It's a 3rd rate website. He now takes pleasure in taking posts from avid readers of his book trying to mimic and applaud his style but sends them to a portion of his forums where he locks them out of it and leaves it open for others to bully/ridicule. I read someone's life story, and wanted to try to write for them. First thing it was send to the bad posts section, and the first comment was "look here, someone wrote their life story like we give a big fuck" or something like that. Having a popular website doesn't mean you should berate and hurt people's feelings and encourage it in a public/online arena when the person can't respond. He has a big head now and everyone is seeing his true colors which are all in the negative hues.

Anonymous said...

Not for nothin', and it hurts to be criticized, but that post ain't exactly making your case that he's the bad writer and you're the undiscovered talent. I really disagree that John Dies at the End is equivalent to poorly edited 13 year old's output. If you're trying to submit unsolicited writing you need to consider whether it's likely to be welcomed and the tone of the site to which you're submitting. That said, the awesome thing about the web (unlike giant industry mills like print or film) is that you can show someone how you would do it better :)

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