Thursday, November 17, 2011

THINGS I'D RATHER DO THAN SEE THE NEWEST TWILIGHT MOVIE

In a little less than an hour, twi-hards across the world will be shoveling their sparkly vampire loving bodies into movie theatres to sit through the latest installment of The Twatlight Saga.  Now, I am obviously not going to be one of those individuals.  Instead, I find myself writing a paper for class and allowing myself to be distracted by tumblr and wonderful conversation with Zach Shildwachter formally of Z For Zombies and currently a contributor to The Blood Sprayer and brains behind Awkward Creations.  Since Zach and I are both self proclaimed rock stars and far too cool for Twatlight, we compiled a list of things we would much rather do than sit through that crap. 
JUMP IN FRONT OF A TRAIN
STEP IN FRONT OF A BUS
PUKE MY GUTS OUT
STAB MY EYES OUT
EAT A LIVE ANIMAL
HANG MYSELF
 BLEND A BABY
WATCH NASCAR
LAY ON A PUBLIC BATHROOM FLOOR
KISS AN OLD WOMAN
HAVE MY SKIN RIPPED OFF
BE EATEN ALIVE
SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST
BE ATTACKED BY CATS
POUR ACID IN MY EYES

See, there you have it, a list of things that would totally be better than shelling out the money to see if a constipated teenager decides to go for necrophilia or inter-species erotica.  I just saved you nine bucks.

Think you're cool? Try to guess all of the films featured above. Show off your horror gusto and leave your guesses in the comments section.

11 comment(s):

Anonymous said...

#1: Suicide Club
#2: Final Destination
#3: The Gates of Hell
#4: May
#5: Oldboy (?)
#6: Suspiria (?)
#7: Dead/Alive
#8: No idea, but it looks familiar. Total brainfart moment.
#9: Splinter (?)
#10: The Shining
#11: Silent Hill
#12: Day of the Dead
#13: Near Dark
#14: Let the Right One In (?)
#15: Return of the Living Dead

So, did I pass? Am I cool? For the love of God, please tell me I'm cool.

Chris

JP "Strange and Shocking Turn Of Events" Wendel said...

You forgot "Leg eaten by rats" like that guy in Waxworks.

Great selections, though I still can't quite figure out which movies the "spontaneously combust" and "eaten by cats" stills are from.

Anonymous said...

This is brilliant, I applaud you.

BJ-C said...

@Chris-YOU ARE COOL! You only missed one. I'm not going to tell you what it is just to see if anyone else can figure it out, but you've got the rest!

Thomas Duke said...

That's not fair. EVERYONE would stick a zombie baby in a blender if they could get away with it. It looks like SO much fun!

Have you seen the spoof TAINTLIGHT? You can add that to the list. (it's a "comedy", not porn)

Anonymous said...

Whoo-hoo! I can finally die a happy man, as I have validation of coolness from somebody other than my mom. :) Yes folks, you too can be cool like me. All it takes is being single and watching nothing but horror movies.

Now I'm dying to know what #8 is!

Chris

Brittany said...

8 is Funny Games

joannapary said...

THIS IS OFFICIALLY THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.

Scott Kenemore said...

This is awesome!

Maynard Morrissey said...

LOL hilarious post! Love every single screenshot.

Kaijinu said...

I think I would do....blend a zombie baby!...yeah definitely that!

also @ Anon1: Funny Games

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