My goodness, it has been such a long while since I've woken up to the stench of a steaming pile of shit in poster form. However, nothing brings me greater delight than spending a Tuesday afternoon showcasing some of the most terrible movie posters the horror genre has managed to crank out. Yes, you are reading this right...it is the return of TERRIBLE POSTER TUESDAY!
This delightful little ball of failure has been released as the French one-sheet for Alexandre Aja's highly anticipated Piranha 3-D. Now, there seems to be quite the fan following over this poster. "Oh, but it's an homage to Jaws" they'll try to tell me. "Oh, it's such a throwback!" they plead. Uh...no. I define an homage or a throwback to be something that is equally as captivating or at least on the same level. This sad excuse for a poster is just the product of a lazy marketing campaign. I'm sorry, but this poster blows major league ass. I'm not even saying the good kind of ass that as a functioning human I'd enjoy looking at...since that's blocked by her floating chair of boredom anyway.
This poster promises a film of sex, sea, and blood. All I'm seeing is a standard chick on a flotation device, some water that hasn't been affected by BP, and some poorly photoshopped fish with big teeth. I want a naked chick being ripped to shreds underneath the red stained water with a deflating raft above her! This is lazy as hell! I seriously think this chick was taken off of a Carnival cruise-line ad and photoshopped into the water. The one thing I will give it, is that I love posters with good font, and this one has some pretty good font. However, there's nothing that makes me want to see this in 3-D. SHOW ME A GIANT FISH ABOUT TO DEMOLISH THIS HARPY!
I can't even give them respect for the 70's style "folded" appearance to it. The fish are so faded and poorly made, it doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as the wonderful animals run amok films of yesteryear. Maybe the poster could have been a little more inspiring if the killer piranha's didn't look like this: