Friday, July 9, 2010

BJ-C'S FAVORITE BOOB RELATED DEATHS!

Boobs and horror just seem to go together like ramalamalama ka dingity ding de dong. It's almost protocol for every female in a horror film to be absolutely stacked and in tight fitting clothing. On a more personal level, I seem to have acquired a little "BJ-C's boobie fan base"from the amount of emails I've received lately requesting topless video blogs. I'm fully accepting of the typical horror fan's obsession with mammaries, but I really believe that it is next to impossible to show a boob related death in a horror film and not cringe a little bit. The boob trauma is the equivalent to the male's dick chop scene. It doesn't matter how hilarious the situation may be, I'm going to hold tight to my lady humps every time I see another woman in the same pain. So here is a list of my favorite boob related deaths!
THIS IS WHAT WE CALL KARMA: Scream
Poor Tatum. Rose McGowan is one of the most idolized of all horror actresses of the modern age, and part of her charm is the nice set she's got stuck to her. The people behind Scream finally put good use to the "big boobs = death" rule in horror films and used them as the literal cause of her death. If Rose McGowan was maybe a B-Cup, she'd have totally shimmied her way through the doggy door.
A WHOLE NEW MEANING TO THE PHRASE "NIP SLIP": Ichi The Killer
When it comes to the Japanese, they truly go balls to the wall in terms of graphic violence. A tale of sadomasochism spiked up to the nth degree. Ichi actually slices off a woman's nipple. It would be one thing to just know about it, but of course Takashi Mike has to make sure we see every glorious detail. *shivers*
FORMULA SOUNDS MIGHTY FINE RIGHT ABOUT NOW: Grace
No one actually dies in this film directly due to breast related injury, but there is so much boob trauma in this film it almost makes me never want to have children. Baby Grace feeds off of human blood and absolutely TEARS her mother's hooters apart. If that wasn't bad enough, there's an extremely disturbing psuedo-sexual scene between two old people that contains breast feeding. Awkward...
IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEONE BITES DOWN: Interview with a Vampire
I am one of those people who absolutely adores this Anne Rice film adaptation despite Tom Cruise being the worst possible choice for Lestat of all time. However, that doesn't change the fact that a seemingly erotic scene takes a dastardly turn as Lestat bites down on a woman's breast causing her blouse and corset to bleed through.
WHY I'LL NEVER PIERCE MY NIPPLES: Cannibal Ferox
I'm being 100% genuine when I say that this scene is the reason I'll never pierce my nipples. In an already extremely disturbing film, we have to throw in a sequence where a woman has huge metal hooks shoved into her chest. I physically cringe every time I'm exposed to this scene and I'm not afraid to admit it.
Ginger, Snapped: Freddy Vs. Jason
My goodness, can we talk about a train wreck of a movie? If we push aside the fact that FVJ is by far one of the worst slasher films of either franchises, we are left with the beautiful Katharine Isabelle with an exploding chest. Granted it's more of a "heart" trauma than anything, but her headlights still feel quite a bit of pain on that one.THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR LETTING STRANGERS FONDLE YOU: My Bloody Valentine
In one of the best slasher films to pop out of the 80's, we were given an over the top view of heart and "love" related deaths. In the opening scene of MBV, a super hot babe lets a strange man in a mask fondle her, to only be shoved into a metal spike that shoves right through her chest.THANK GOD I'M ALL NATURAL: Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead
I freely admit that I am a total Tromaniac. The first time I saw Poultrygeist, I was filled with great delight with the over-the-top gore, ridiculous deaths, cheesy dialogue, catchy songs, and of course...the bitch who gets her implants ripped right out of her. There is no better boob related death, and there will never be one that even comes close to this one. It's bad enough that you're being picked apart by the chicken dead, but to watch someone rip your implants right out of your body and flash them to your face...that's the ultimate case of adding insult to injury.

17 comment(s):

Corey said...

what a fantastically bizarre topic -- i love this list.

my only criticism would be that NIGHT OF THE DEMONS did not make the cut. while it's not really a death, linnea quigley's demonic-lipstick-into-the-nipple scene at least deserves honorable mention!

Bill (RSR) said...

Want a copy of DEADLY WEAPONS? Whole point of the film is a large breasted woman suffocating men with her chest. Let me know.

The Curious Cat said...

ooo feeling a little squeemish! xxx

Strange Kid said...

Best. Countdown. Ever.

You're so right about Troma, that have nailed the zany, gory niche of horror filmmaking and made it into an at form all its own.

I'm surprised that you didn't make mention on Anna Falchi, though I suppose her rack didn't directly kill or maim anyone.

e. jack yulate said...

Brittney, i`d give a lottery win to fuck your tits and then unload a gallon of spunk all over them.

Aurora Hylton said...

Well, my breasts hurt now! Although I must admit that with my loathing of ridiculously oversized silicone breasts that look like they are bolted on, that final scene gives me a sort of sick glee.

Emily said...

Fantastic list. One offbeat addition could be Tony in Fear No Evil. If you haven't seen it, stop everything and rent it now. I can't give away too much, but let's just say Tony is indeed a man. And eventually, he has boobs. Which somehow leads to his death. It's awesome.

Planet of Terror said...

Although not a death either, the demonic heads that shoot out of boobies in Masoleum are also pretty gnarly. Awesome list.

AbbyNormal said...

Im surprised the nipple related death from Chaos didn't make the cut.

the jaded viewer said...

I keep thinking of that Carmen Electra kill scene in one of the Scary Movies where the killer stabs a breast implant...

Anonymous said...

Night of the Demons 2 has a pretty spectacular death by boobie sequence, in which a guy goes for a feel of uber-slut Zoe Trilling's chest, and his hands are engulfed by her demonic mammories, and are... uh... well... melted, or something to that effect. Scared me off coppin' a feel for awhile, lemme tell ya. Well, y'know. Didn't stop me or anything, but yeah, the fear was definitely there.

Chris

houseofmirthandmovies.com said...

I keep on trying to forget that Katherine Isaballe is in Freddy vs. Jason, because everytime I see her I get this feeling in my stomach and I know I HAVE to see whatever movie she may be in.

Gene Phillips said...

One absolutely must not forget the nipplectomy that happens to Mariangela Giordano in BURIAL GROUND!

DEADLY WEAPONS seems like it needs another category, though, like "Deadly Boobage," where boobs are the weapons. NIGHT OF THE DEMONS 2 and EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX would presumably make that list.

Rabid Fox said...

A boob-related death. I think that's how I'd like an assisted suicide to go down.

Missy Y. (formerly A Case of You) said...

Also, I forgot about the drill bra from Machine Girl. Nice.

Missy Y. (formerly A Case of You) said...

I gotta say, the nipple slicing in Gore Gore Girls is among the most awesomely offensive things I have ever seen. That one nipple squirts white milk and the other chocolate just really tops it off with a nice cherry.

Ty Cobb said...

I know I'm a little late to the party but I think the opening scene of Wrong Turn 3 has a spectacular boob related death.

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