Thursday, June 17, 2010

ONE STEP FORWARD, TWO STEPS BACK: A RANT BY BJ-C

Can someone please tell me what the french is going on in the horror world these days? My god, I go AWOL for three weeks to keep up with school work and baton, only to come home to people who have lost their friggen minds. Has our genre completely sold its soul for a budget, or do people honestly think the decisions being made as of late are the right ones? I hopped on Horror Blips today to keep myself updated with all the news of the spooky side of the interwebs, and I'm pretty sure my head exploded and my jaw smashed into the floor beneath me. The title of this post says it all. As a whole, the horror genre has taken one step forward and two steps back.

As for the step forward, the past few months have brought some wonderful things to us. Although given mixed reviews, Splice hit theatres and gave a halfway decent attempt at horror after the flopping disasters of horror remakes. Recent releases of films like [REC]2 and the teasers for Super 8 have been putting the horror community in a positive uproar, but then...the unthinkable.

THE TWATLIGHT PRODUCER WANTS TO REMAKE MARTYRS WITH KRISTEN FUCKING STEWART!!! Yeah, just let that sink in for a second. One of the greatest horror movies of the past decade is not only going to be Americanized, but they want the people in charge of the sparkling fucking vampires to do it. The only redeeming factor of this is that I'd get to watch Kristen Stewart get ripped to shreds. That's about it. There is absolutely NOTHING positive to come of this and it makes me absolutely nauseated to even picture the woman who perfected the face of constipation as a female lead in this remake.

To make matters even worse, they want Miley Cyrus to star in a horror film. Does anyone remember the last time they put a Disney tween in a horror film? Oh yeah, it was I Know Who Killed Me with Linsanity LOLhan and it was by far one of the worst films of the last 100 years.
Why in God's name would anyone think the girl who rocked a fake blonde wig and sings about Jay-Z without knowing a single song by Jay-Z could pull off a horror role? Her screams would be muffled by her horse teeth and the damn southern accent would sound absolutely idiotic when pleading for her life.

I don't get the world sometimes. Why can't they screw up some other genre that no one cares about...like...Dramedy.

3 comment(s):

Blooming Psycho said...

Well, I have to tell you that picture of Miley Cyrus scared me half to death! Scarier than Linda Blair in the Exorcist, I tell ya!
Kristin Stewart appears to have the acting skills of a cardboard box. I stole this description from my son. We forced ourselves to watch Twatlight because we didn't feel quite right about ripping what we'd never seen. We now feel completely justified.

the jaded viewer said...

Seriously thats never gonna happen. They are not going to remake Martyrs. Nobody outside the horror community even knows about this film.

Seth Canes said...

You know, as much as I hate the idea of remaking Martyrs, there's just something within me that reeeally wants to see Kristen Stewart being tortured.

Related Posts with Thumbnails