Wednesday, June 2, 2010

THE DESCENT 2: WHERE THE GUYS SCREW EVERYTHING UP

Every once in a while, a horror movie will come around that absolutely rocks audiences and becomes universally accepted as "good". The most recent example of such has to be The Descent. I absolutely LOVE The Descent and was running with the utmost praise for the writers. For the first time in AGES, the film was given STRONG female leads that I didn't want to drop kick in the teeth. When it was announced a sequel was in place, I died a little inside. However, after FINALLY getting the opportunity to watch it for myself (thanks Redbox) I can honestly say that it isn't half bad. It's not your typical "terrible follow-up". The film isn't without flaws, but as long as you can look past at a few stupid mistakes, it's quite a good watch. However, the biggest complaint I had with this film, is a complaint that was non-existent in the last film; simply because the problem would have been impossible in the last film. In The Descent 2...the male characters really REALLY suck.
READING PAST THIS PART MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS
So don't be a little bitch about it when I blow the ending.

The heroine of the last flick, Sarah, has just escaped the catacombs of the evil mole people. As she's being treated for her minor injuries and recovering from the events, the police realize that six girls went in the caves, and she's the only one who has made it back. Instead of just, I don't know...waiting for her memory to restore...one of the male cops gets the bright idea to throw her back in the cave! She has mild injuries, yes, but the doctor admitted she got a big chunk of "something" under her fingernails. HELLO, THERE WAS A STRUGGLE WITH A "SOMETHING" AND SHE'S THE ONLY ONE TO MAKE IT OUT AND YOU'RE GOING TO THROW HER BACK IN!? How many meth cupcakes did you have today? Did someone lace your joint with formaldehyde? I've heard of police bringing memory-less victims to the place they're found to try and "trigger" a memory, but that's usually a park or a building...NOT A FRIGGEN UN-MARKED CAVE WITH MOLE PEOPLE. However, looks like post-plastic surgery lookin' Kenny Rogers/man-cop knows better than the rest of us.

Once the crew inevitably runs into their first mole man, of course the guy has to whip out his gun and show it who's boss. Apparently being a man with a gun constitutes for not looking where you're shooting and the dumbass ends up causing a bunch of rocks to fall, trapping one of the girls. I thought they teach you in police academy NOT to give away your position? Jeeze. This then leaves poor Cath to fight for herself to escape the grasps of the dreaded mole-men and forces the rest of the group to "split up". Nice job.

When the group has another run in with a mole man, Sarah has to be the one to show the she-cop that they hunt based on sound. Stupid Dan doesn't take the hint when he can clearly SEE she-cop and Sarah on the camera and they are being quiet, and makes a hell of a lot of noise to draw the creature to himself and he gets himself eaten. As far as I'm concerned, he deserved it for being a loudmouth. Now, poor Cath who is apparently Dan's girlfran is set up to have an inevitable breakdown over the loss of her lover. Great. Just, great.

Towards the end of the film, after Juno is discovered to be alive and quite the ass-kicker, she has to save the post-op Kenny Rogers cop from a mole man. When the group catches up with Sarah and she-cop, he gets the BRILLIANT idea to handcuff himself to Sarah. I don't know about you, but when I think of trying to survive in a dangerous situation that requires me to climb rocks and have an immense amount of balance, I initially think to handcuff myself to people too. As expected, they get to a point that requires people to walk one-at-a-time and to evenly distribute their weight. Sarah has to be no more than 110 pounds and she's hooked onto a 200 pound clumsy cop. Do the math. Sarah is almost pulled over a cliff because of his stupidity, but Juno saves the day...by killing him.

Juno, Sarah, and she-cop are the only three survivors and have finally discovered a way out, they seem to be making a break for it...until GREG who turns out NOT to be dead grabs at them and freaks them the french out. So the mole men hear them and sparks a battle royal between the group, leaving Juno mortally wounded. Good going, Greg. Things look as though everyone is going to die, when Sarah screams at the top of her lungs, drawing attention to herself, and giving she-cop the opportunity to get free.
She-cop manages to escape the cave and takes a full sprint out of the woods, until the creepy old man cold clocks her with a shovel and leaves her outside the opening of the caves. WAY TO RUIN IT ALL, OLD MAN! The guy is the equivalent to Old Man Jenkins from the Scooby Doo cartoons, and he's the reason we aren't giving a hurrah ending. You gotta be kidding me. I literally stared at the screen in disbelief as he drug her body back to the hole. Way to suck, man. Way to suck.

NOTE: Cath totally made her deathbed by screaming her flipping head off after escaping two of the mole people. So in her case, a man didn't mess it up...she did. However, for simplicities sake, I didn't include her.

4 comment(s):

kluzehellion said...

Finally got to see The Descent 2 last weekend on Blu Ray :-) and as a big The Descent fan I was not disspaointed at all. Loved it. The monsters look frckn awesome, some good scares, lots of fun. Cool review!

Emily said...

I actually liked the girl power angle repeating itself here.There's even a deleted scene wherein the dumbass sheriff makes a piggish comment about a nurse and his deputy judges him from afar.

By no means anywhere near as good as the first film, but I liked the attitude it had in homaging the original and finding its own kind of style.

Olivia said...

Some good gore effects, but the obvious feminism kept leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

Lady Ash Mistress of the Night said...

I loved The Descent. It was a well crafted movie with a strong female cast (a sad rarity,)and a ton of creepy moments. When I found out that a sequel was made, I thought "How on Earth are they gonna make a..." and then I realized that I watched the version with the original ending. To me, the international ending was much more effective.

Plus if you think about it, if you regard the original ending, this sequel is not really cannon at all.

Since I've read the spoiler alert, I think I'm gonna pass on this one. In fact, I really had no desire to see it anyway.

Oh yeah and you've got to love the stupid dopey cop in a horror film to come along and fuck everything up.

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