Thursday, April 15, 2010


We all know that since I'm perfect, I have perfect hair. Okay, that's a total lie...but I was hoping you'd all go "what a conceited jerk!" and keep reading because people feed on that crap. Anyways, I'm actually having quite the bad hair day and watching Halloween 4 on AMC. I don't know what AMC has to do with it other than the channel should be renamed the Halloween & Mafia Movie channel. Just saying. *sigh* I digress. So I'm watching Halloween 4 and after all these years, I'm just NOW noticing how ridiculous everyone's hair was. I don't care that the films are old, the hair is ridiculous. As we all know, I love exploiting utter nonsense...and today is no exception.

Say it with me...CONDITIONER. My god, she looks like she brushed her hair with a porcupine's ass in this movie. You could literally hide Christmas presents in the frizz and no one would be able to tell the difference. Don't even get me started on the clip she wears on the way home from school that must have been fighting for its life to tame that mane.YOUNG MICHAEL MYERS (ORIGINAL)
You know, if I had hair that looked like Ellen Degeneres on meth, I'd probably kill my family too. At this age the family is the one responsible for the tresses of the little tyke, and if they picked out this...they deserve to be stabbed.
If Dolly Parton and Jon Benet Ramsey had a baby and let her live with Laura Ingalls, I'm pretty positive she'd have hair that resembled this. I have no idea where one can find a ponytail holder that can withstand the massive volume attached to PJ Soles' head. JAMIE LLOYD
Remember that school photo you have hidden in the attic because your mom took it upon herself to cut your bangs to make sure they'd be out of your eyes? Well, Danielle Harris unfortunately has TWO movies that will forever showcase the worst bangs ever cut. I'm sure safety scissors were a good idea at the time, but...yikes. She has a bowl-cut mullet now.RACHEL CARRUTHERS
Every bad political news anchor just came in their pants. So much for looking your age Rachel. I'm pretty sure Hilary Clinton has the same cut laying somewhere around the house...LAURIE STRODE (ZOMBIEWEEN)
For whatever reason, Rob Zombie lives in a world where all the girls look homeless and have psuedo-dreadlocks. America's favorite final girl went from being the girl next door, to that weird chick who's always scratching her neck in the back of study hall. Do yourself a favor and buy a brush...and stop listening to a guy who dyes his beard multi-color when it comes to hair advice.YOUNG MICHAEL MYERS (ZOMBIEWEEN)
TAKE A GOD DAMN SHOWER AND GET A GOD DAMN HAIRCUT YOU HOMICIDAL HIPPIE FREAK. Christ on a crouton man, no wonder your step dad calls you Michelle.

3 comment(s):

Unknown said...

Oh Wow! Little Mike is Angelina Jolie and Michael Pitt's love child!

CSY said...

I've always wondered WHY in the horror movies they don't brush the it because they're SUPPOSED to look like they're being chased by a minical demon? Of course, I'd be HAPPY to be chased by Michael - but then again, I'm a FREAK! My daughter has been reading the last few days and she says when she gets to Hollyweird and does her first awful B horror movie, you can interview her for your blog...of course that's 5 yrs from now - but she's got big dreams. Love ya, BJ-C!

Unknown said...

Oh wow, NEVER noticed that. Hysterical!

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