Sunday, April 11, 2010

THE CHILDREN: GIVING ME MORE MOTIVATION TO DROPKICK ANNOYING CHILDREN

In case you didn't know already, my mom runs a daycare out of our home for a living. For the past 14 years my mom has been caring for children that weren't her own, and raising kids wit parents who wouldn't know care if it sat on their face and wiggled. Basically, she's spent 14 years perfecting parenting and becoming a kid's show connoisseur. My sister and I have also taken hand in the experience as we've helped run the daycare since we were legally able. I'm proud to be an iCarly pro and a Spongebob aficionado. Through the years we've taken care of all sorts of kids. I've had sweet kids, loud kids, smelly kids, stupid kids, rude kids, and even violent kids. I've developed an extreme love for children, but also an insane lack of patience with them. I know how easy it is to get your kid to behave, so when I see unruly children with their parents, it takes every ounce of strength for me not to go "Super Nanny" on them. That being said, I think I am the perfect audience (other than parents) for the Brit Flick The Children. This movie had a massive effect on me, and I found myself extremely disturbed. That doesn't happen often, so it isn't something I can just brush off.
After the mass amounts of negative criticism, George A. Romero took a job for Gap Kids

I hate annoying children, and by God these were some of the most annoying children on the planet. Nevermind the fact that they're homicidal maniacs, they're annoying. All they did was let out those high pitched, piercing, screams and whine for the first 20 minutes. Everyone seems to praise this aspect of the film, but I don't. Having your children fuss and scream all the time isn't "realistic" its over the top and a sign of a parent that doesn't know how to control their child. Keep your kid in line, and tell them to quiet down. Maybe if you had better discipline you'd be able to control your 6 year old, and stop the weird tension with your graduated hipster husband.Not going to buy the Barbie Princess Dreamhouse for Christmas? Think again.

With that major annoyance aside, this film was top notch. The kids were fantastic actors and obtained the perfect amount of cuteness and horrifying. Blondie bits (seen above) was the best offender, with sunken in "zombie" eyes and pink jammies. She was the oldest of the demon spawn which made her even creepier. Her slight age differences makes it so that she has the ability to do more than just trick adults into crashing into a garden spike, she can manipulate them with her words. The terrible tykes just screamed, looked cute, and begged for mommy. This one was able to say she didn't feel good and turn her father against his family by spinning convincing lies. Now THAT is typical, scary, child behavior. Children have been known to manipulate their parents to get a new toy, skip veggies for dinner, or stay just a little longer at the playground by using the same general approach. To see a child use that same approach, but in order to murder their parent in a homicidal rage...freaks the hell out of me.My super conformist family is like, totally blind to their evil. *gags*

Despite my hatred for this character being edgy for the sake of being the stereotypical "edgy & misunderstood" teenage daughter, I hate to admit that she's the character I most identify with. I'm not a parent, and I'm smart enough to know when kids are violently homicidal. I tried to imagine if any of the daycare kids or even my own family turned on me, and maybe it's because I'm just a sicko...but I'd take them out. It's the same thing if my family went zombie, I'd still blow their heads off. Worst case scenario, you really can't kill your kid...either they kill you or you, I don't know...TAKE THEM DOWN!? Just because they're evil doesn't mean they suddenly have super human strength. Pin them down, tie their hands behind their back, and take them to the doctor to get their heads examined. Problem solved. I feel the same way about killer kid movies as I do with the Child's Play films. They're 1/8th your size. I'm pretty sure even a weakling weighing 98 pounds could handle this. Maybe the years of horror movies has desensitized me, but I honestly would have no problem taking down a destructive toddler.

8 comment(s):

Cheesemeister said...

Couldn't kill them if they were my own but I wouldn't have any problem offing a zombie child. Especially since there are so many hideous, undisciplined brats in the world today. I guess I'd just figure it was one of those.
My son was looking for jobs and saw his nightmare job: school bus driver. He said then he could combine his hatred for children with his hatred for driving.
Somehow I don't foresee any grandchildren in my near future!

Sarah from Scare Sarah said...

Haha, so true.

If ind most children err on the side of psycho!

takashi said...

Another dreadful post filled with typos and poor sentence structure.

The Mike said...

I wasn't entirely a fan of this one. I agree it was well made and had some supreme shocks, it just never really grabbed me. However, I definitely want to revisit it and see if I missed something.

Good review, don't listen to tools like takashi.

Emily said...

I loved this one, especially as a sort of modern companion piece to Who Can Kill a Child. I felt this was more about how the parents reacted (or didn't react) to the madness than about the kids themselves, and I still maintain that early pre-killing breakfast scene is the most horrifying thing ever. Consider my tubes tied.

forestofthedead said...

I loved this film. Your review gave such a different perspective on, it wonderful stuff.

porkhead said...

I actually found the adults to be more annoying than the kiddiwinks. Had those been my parents, I think I'd have probably gone all psycho too. But anyway yes, I love this movie too.

CrystalMoon said...

WooHoo I love this

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