Saturday, February 27, 2010


Everyone remembers the time they hit puberty. We were all awkwardly shaped, bad skinned, poorly dressed, socially strange, and had hormones raging through us at unstoppable rates. While most people had the hot-shot "it" celebrities to destroy tube socks and bathtub faucets fawning over, the horror nerd had an entirely different breed of material. I'm talking about those men and women in horror who have those iconic scenes that make us swoon and in some to the bedroom for some alone time. Blocked out those memories of mom and dad interrupting your festivities inspired by your favorite horror candy? Let me refresh your memory with five of my favorites from each sex ;)


Patrick Bateman's morning routine in American Psycho:
Honestly, it was really really hard picking just one scene from this film. I'm a big fan of him tanning and an even bigger fan of him flexing in the mirror...but I'm not that big of a fan of hookers. So I picked this one. Dear lord, it's like 8 minutes of half naked Christian Bale stretching, being buff, and at one point...HOT, WET, AND STEAMY IN A SHOWER. Christ, are you kidding me?! This scene is clearly Mary Harron throwing the female audiences a bone for once. This scene alone is one of the sexiest scenes in cinema...if not THE sexiest scene in horror. Mmm! "My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine." AND WE THANK GOD FOR IT. David's werewolf changing in An American Werewolf in London:
This probably makes me the hugest creep in the world that I find this hot but I know I'm not alone. I googled it just to make sure! There are tons of women out there that find this scene that should be scary/funny...just really really sexy. Maybe its the fact his "pain" face looks more like an "O" face or the fact he's just got a crazed body and a hell of a lot of passion going on, but it's pretty hot when you watch it juuuuust right. You know, I could have picked Nurse Alex...but let's face it, that scene is hot because of her ;)Any scene Bruce Campbell is in:
Honestly, I shouldn't really have to say much...just look at him. Do you see it? Do you see it?! DO YOU SEE IT?! You do? Good. I'll leave you alone now.The scene no one expected in The Stepfather:
I was in no way prepared for this scene but I'll admit it was a nice surprise. I don't know about you, but my dad looks NOTHING like this. Thank god. Terry O'Quinn is a fox, even if he's gonna kill me...Jody Pearson and his pantie biting in Phantasm:
This scene is ridiculously hot. Not only do you get to see his absolutely PERFECT booty, but the man can remove his woman's panties off of her...with his teeth. That's a skill most of the male population cannot achieve so I give mad props to any guy who can. Way to show how it's done Jody.

Special Mentions to : Kevin Bacon's Bulge in F13, A terrified Rod Lane in NOES, and the two kids that end up stuck together mid-screw in F13 II


Santanico's Snake Dance in From Dusk Til Dawn:

It's Salma Hayek in a bikini, with a snake around her...and she's a vampire. What more do you people want?! She's one of the hottest women ever and she's dancing around half naked with a phallic object. Vampire Freaking Stripper…Never in my life have I ever wanted more to be bitten by a woman than I have after watching this. I bet you agree."I've never kept anything from him..." in Cemetery Man
Really? You want me to explain why? Just look at the picture...Trash takes off her clothes again in Return of the Living Dead:
Linnea Quigley is without a doubt the queen of sexy horror scenes. There isn't a single movie where she isn't just an absolute vixen. ROTLD is no exception. She put quite a few horror nerds through puberty with her cemetery strip tease and dance with that plastic vag of hers. Her legendary full-frontal graveyard dance is officially the most necessary gratuitous nude scene in movie history. Plus, she’s one of three people on the planet to make pink hair sexy...not to mention the fact she stays naked the rest of the film.I have to be nude for half the movie? Fine by me. Cat People:
The lips that drove men crazy long before Angelina. The character Irena in the remake of Cat People (which is a film already swarming with sex) makes panthers look sexy, and there is something about that iconic movie poster that makes it harder to walk…The 2nd best reason to never watch the remake (other than the entire fucking film) of The Wicker Man:
Britt Ekland and her dance to end all dances. There is nothing hotter than watching her shake her goods in the throes of Pagan desire. NOTHING.

Special mention: Every naked chick in a slasher pic, Nurse Alex from AAWIL, Baby Firefly, and anything Tiffany Shepis

11 comment(s):

Erin said...

Cemetary Man takes it every time! Let's face it -- it looks like she has WINGS. Ugh. Jealousss.

Pax Romano said...

So it looks like our taste in men is similar ;)

And as for Salma, in Dusk Til Dawn; what can I tell you? I'd hop the fence for her in a second!

Anonymous said...

Major lols at Pax. Great list. The Return of The Living Dead III with Melinda Clarke also had a pretty hot nekkid scene.

B-Sol said...

As a real throwback, there's an amazingly sexy scene in the 1932 Jekyll & Hyde between Miriam Hopkins and Fredrich March that has to be the sexiest thing seen in a horror film in that era. Pretty bold stuff for the time.

Tlieso said...

Great list & excellent choices. While I don't think anything could top the hotness that is Bruce Campbell, Christian Bale naked with a chainsaw is pretty damn close.
Not sure if you consider Slither horror but Nathan Fillion is very yummy in it.

John W. Morehead said...

Thanks for posting this. Great choices. I hate to throw a little cold water on things, but I have heard that Eckland did not do her own nude scenes in this classic horror film. Whoever the butt double was, she writhed quite well.

ZedWord said...

All good pics.

I'm a heterosexual guy, but even that scene from American Psycho makes me question.

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RayRay said...

Great list, great idea. Two cents alert: The werewolf sex scene from The Howling. A tad on the bestiality side, but it set a young man's heart racing.

merricat said...

Sadly, I missed too many of these.

A couple weeks ago, I was present during a conversation held among a number of horror film fans, (all men folk), who all agreed, the sexiest scene in any horror film can be found in Spider Baby, when Jill Banner plays spider with Quinn Redeker.

Cie Cheesemeister said...

My favorites are Jody Pearson and David's werewolf transformation. Though I would also include Chris Sarandon as Jerry Dandridge and his make-out scene with Amanda Bearse. Sigh...all that hot manliness wasted, seeing as she's a lesbian. Don't get me wrong, I love Amanda, but why couldn't they have had someone in that scene who would have appreciated it, like,
And I want to BE Trash. Linnea Quigley kicks ass.

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