Monday, January 25, 2010

TECHNOLOGICAL HORROR: WHY CAN'T WE CONQUER YOU?!

And so it begins...my first entry from the computer lab. Luckily, we're a mac school so I can iChat and tweetdeck while I do this. It's just like old times! The past week I have been realizing just how much I rely on my technology and how much I'd rather hang from the Sears Tower by my ankles than to sit in this god forsaken computer lab for an hour longer. Alas! I love you all enough to suffer through the poor connection and the fact I can't watch Chelsea Lately while I write. Anyway, it's brought to my attention how much of an Epic Fail the film industry has been committing as far as technological horror films are concerned. When I say technological horror, I'm not referring to hyped up star ships or Terminators, but rather the things that we use on a day to day basis. Where are the literal blue screens of death, where it doesn't matter if you're red or blue...YOU HAVE NO MAP, websites that kill you (and aren't feardotcom), DVD torture, RED RING OF DEATH?! Come on now! Why can't we tackle this yet? We've tried effortlessly and yet we keep cranking out these horror films that suck six ways to Sunday.

PHONES:
I did a showcase of phones in horror films, but if you recall correctly, the only good examples of them were land lines. Cell phones are one of the greatest tools invented and being only 19, it blows my mind how people went on without them in the first place. They're extremely vital to our lifestyles at this point and if something were to ever go horribly wrong with them, we'd all be fucked. The only cell phone film that made any sort of impact was One Missed Call which arguably is a god awful film. The potential was great because I can tell you if my phone rang and it wasn't my ringtone, I'd lose my freaking mind. The movie was completely overtaken by that stupid red ball thing and just really took me out of the film because it was less about cell phones (which is what I was promised) and more about the stupid back story. What about text messaging? There's nothing creepier than getting a text message from an unknown number saying something threatening or weird. Maybe its a generational thing, but I get at least one weird text message a week and every single time...I lose my mind and start becoming absurdly paranoid. ZE INTERWEBZ

For the amount of time people spend on the internet blogging, tweeting, e-mailing, and facebook creeping; you'd think we'd have figured out a way to make it scary. The internet is a really screwy place and creating a horror based around the internet shouldn't be that difficult...key word being shouldn't. There was that movie about chain mail...STUPID. Feardotcom? STUPID. The Net wasn't exactly horror but it was still pretty weird. Oh, and then there was Untraceable which was sort of decent but spawned one of THE WORST horror film posters of all time. I'm waiting for the facebook creeper movie...I'll write it, hell I'll STAR in it...because it will basically be an autobiography at this point of my life. Cry_Wolf is the closest example of what I'm looking for...and that's not saying a whole lot.


VIDEO GAMES
Alright Frankie Muniz, I know you are so awesome and that Malcom in the Middle is the ONLY person to save the day in the horror world with your magic computer that miraculously picks up a wireless signal outside a house in the middle of nowhere that's been abandoned for years while you can't get cellphone reception and all that jazz...but ROSES?! What the french is this?! Stay Alive is one of the few video game inspired horror films and its the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Then again, I should give them credit for trying. At least they didn't go huge budget and fail like Gamer.

7 comment(s):

Andre said...

I LOVE The Net, I've been obsessed with it since I was like 12. I love Sandy Bullock too but don't tell anyone!

todd said...

There was a really good Fringe episode that involved a computer virus making people's brains melt that was well done and creepy.

So, there's that.

Davey C. said...

In a way, Hard Candy, although not exactly horror, deals with the internet. It's not the center of focus, but it's essential to the film. The idea that a person you talk to on the internet could be anyone and have any number of motives for wanting to meet you is, in my opinion, terrifying. And just the way it flips the internet predator concept is great.

Rinny said...

girlfriend, you forgot silent hill

Coop said...

Try "Brainscan" (1994) starring Edward Furlong and Frank Langella. It's a very underrated tech-horror movie. "The Lawnmower Man" (1992) gets a lot of shit but I think most of it is undeserved. I would endorse that one too but that may just be the early 90's nostalgia talking.

todd said...

Silent Hill isn't a technological horror movie.

Spike Ghost said...

i think John Carpenter or Wes Craven made a movie called shocker, about a dead murderer seeking revenge and using electricity to get to his victims (everyday objects) I dunno if it's good and i dunno if it fits in that category, but still.

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