Wednesday, September 30, 2009

ONE MORE DAY TILL HALLOWEEN! SILVER SHAMROCK!


Okay, so we definitely have to wait 31 more days until Halloween but I can't resist an opportunity to quote Halloween III: Season of the Witch. There will not be a Woman of the Week today or for the month of October (insert boo, hiss, wahhh, french you's here). I will say that for the entire month of October in celebration of Halloween, each day will have a different theme. IE: One day I'll talk about maybe...skeletons and what they mean to the Halloween season and showcase a little bit of history, media, film, and music. It's going to be a Halloween extravaganza!

Be prepared!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

TERRIBLE POSTER TUESDAY: The TWATLIGHT Trinity of Terribleness


Is there a better way to celebrate my favorite day of the week any more than to boot up an old fashioned Twatlight bashing? I honestly don't think so. Not only do the people behind the Twatlight New Moon posters think its necessary to airbrush the living hell out of their people, but they've not given me just one poster to rip apart...BUT THREE! It's like Christmas! No, it's better than Christmas. This is like how when a Jewish man marries a Christian woman and their kid gets to have 8 days of Hannakuah AND Christmas....make her an African-American Christian and give the kid Kwanzaa too.

Lets start with the "werewolves" poster. Is it just me, or does anyone else think that a bunch of beefy, tan, seriously pouty faced guys just screams gay porn to you? The fact it has New MOON as the title is just waiting for a what-what in the butt joke. However, that's crappy road jokes and I'm a little bit more high class than that ;). So as most of you know, hunksicle Jacob (hey, the movies can suck and I can still find him foxy) is the same dude who was Sharkboy. Yes...as in The Adventures of Sharkboy & Lavagirl in 3-D. You know, that movie Rob Rodriguez did with an electric George Lopez. If Rob Rod'z kid Racer really came up with this shit...we may have a problem. I digress, if anyone out there has seen this movie, please feel for me when I say I can't ever look at him without thinking of that DAMN SONG HE SANG. PS; I'm not digging the "I'm making eye contact through my eyebrows" look...its not cute.

Then to Lolita-goth Dakota Fanning. I'm pretty sure some kid on Vampirefreaks.com is lusting over your outfits and your rad makeup right about now. What I want to know, is why the hell you are STILL trying to be like Harry Potter and give off a Death Eater vibe? Plus, no one uses vaseline as a lotion...quit putting it on your forehead. Or lay of the botox, your skin's too tight.

Oh and then there's the Cullen clan and Bella Swan. First of all...nice kung fu grip Eddy. Did you think she was going to run away from you or are you finally going to man up and bite your god damn prey? No, you're not? That's a shame. I will congratulate you that all this plugging from teenagers has made your head grow to at least twice the size it should normally be...literally. These Cullen kids need to seriously lay off the ganj before their photoshoots. Their eyes look bloodshot as all get out. PS; creeper creeper to the back right...Derek Zoolander called, he wants his face back.

Monday, September 28, 2009

PICK MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME

So apparently the makers of the Mrs. Krueger costume are under the impression that everyone who dresses up for Halloween wears a size zero and doesn't make the costume in a size larger than a Medium. BJ-C here is a sassy and luscious woman and does NOT wear a medium. I wear an XL or a Plus 1 (thanks to my girls up top). So I'm in a major bind as far as my halloween costume is concerned. There aren't any specialty shops where I go to school and I'm seriously fresh out of clever ideas. So here's where I'm asking for help. If anyone out there can find me a sexy but scary without being campy Halloween costume that ISN'T the Jason woman costume in my size...I will write ANY post of the person (who picked the costume I decide to wear) 's choice. I mean ANYTHING. I'll write about why dust bunnies are terrifying if that's how you get your kicks. Plus, I'll give you my soul.

I want specific costumes with images that I can order online, no links to costume sites...trust me when I say I've probably been there.

HAPPY HUNTING.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

DAY OF THE WOMAN PRESENTS: Films That SHOULD Have Prequels

Thanks to the announcement that Danielle Harris has been cast as "they're coming to get you" Barbara in the prequel to Night of the Living Dead, it's gotten me thinking as to what films I wish went a little more in depth with their story lines. I puss'd out and did it alphabetized so its in no ranking system :) Enjoy.

Amityville Horror: Without the DeFeo murders, there never would have been a haunting in the Amityville house. On November 13, 1974, police discovered six members of the DeFeo family -- father, mother and four of their five children -- shot and killed execution style at 112 Ocean Avenue in Amityville, New York. However after 9 films we still haven't been shown what happened in the house before the Lutz family arrived. As horrifying as it would be to see a man lose his mind and kill his entire family, it would be nice to know who is behind the Amityville Horror.
Carrie: Carrie White's telekinetic powers are present throughout her life, usually evident in childhood incidents. She had closed a window and had dangled her own bottle above her crib when she was a baby. When she was three years old, she witnessed her teenage next-door neighbor sunbathing and asked her mother about the girl's breasts. Her mother scolded and physically abused Carrie for asking about such a matter. While she was inside her house, Carrie brought forth a hail of ice that smashed the bungalow. The chunks of ice were followed by a shower of rocks that plummeted onto the property, damaging it heavily while a table was almost sent toppling through the window. WHY HAVEN'T WE SEEN THIS?! (made for TV movie doesn't count)
Child's Play: On November 9th, 1988, mass murderer and voodoist Charles Lee Ray, the notorious "Lakeshore Strangler", is being chased by the police. After being chased into a toy store and knowing he's about to croak, he transfers his soul into a Good Guy doll and promises revenge. We all know what happens afterwards, but what about these Lakeshore murders? I'd pay to watch Brad Dourif strangle some folks!

Evil Dead: Everyone knows that I'm a huge Bruce Campbell fangirl, but I think that the ED series would really benefit from a Prequel. As much as I enjoy hearing the playback from the Professor discussing how his wife turned into the zombie/demon/deadite I think it would be even better to see it. How did the book end up there? Where did he go?

Friday the 13th: In FVJ, a bit of a prequel was BARELY skimmed upon when it comes to the upbringing of Jason Voorhees. Jason has been to NY, other cabins, and even space...but we still haven't seen his upbringing! Instead of cranking out the 27th film, why don't we see a tortured childhood to let us into the mind of Jason and even Pamela Voorhees? My favorite part of Zombieween is the prequel nature, why not do the same with the hockey masked one?
The Haunting: The film is based off of a book which speaks of the supposed haunted "Hill House" however you can't have ghosts without people who have died and become ghosts. While the film concentrates on people investigating the haunting, I want to see what happened to these people that was so horrible, they've become such hostile spirits.

House of Wax: Why did we never see Vincent Price kill a ton of people and glaze them over with wax? Honestly. It better be in 3-D though...and no Paris Hilton allowed.

House of 1000 Corpses: There were WAY too many bodies that weren't accounted for when it comes to the Firefly family. I want to watch Tiny and Baby grow up with serial torture killer parents. I want to know how the HELL they made that insane maze and have their crypts and caves full of insane stuff. Who made it? How'd it get there?

IT: Pennywise's side of the story would absolutely epic, but I'd love to see him axe of raincoat boy. Pennywise without makeup even? Lets give Tim Curry some work!

Let the Right One In: After finishing the novel and seeing how insane the relationship between Eli and Håkan really is, it would be fabulous to see it on screen. It would be terrifying, sensual, adorable, and disturbing all at the same time. Eli is 200 years old, she probably has enough relationships for a series of prequels. Eli gives Håkan money for killing, though Håkan makes it clear he would do it for nothing if Eli allowed them to be physically intimate...you didn't get that from the first film didja?! I wanna see their story.

A Nightmare on Elm Street: Another one of the film series that hasn't yet gotten a preqel but a vast amount of horrible follow ups. I'm seriously sick and tired of that monologue by the furnace where Mrs. Glug-glug Thompson busts out the razor glove and talks about how its completely normal that she killed Fred Kruegar for being a child murderer/rapist. JUST SHOW ME THE DAMN FIRE.

Nosferatu: How did Count Orlock come to be a vampire? What did he do to stay in fresh blood before targeting the village of Bremen. And why are the rats so drawn to him in the first place? A prequel could answer all these questions--plus, since Nosferatu is basically a Dracula adaptation, it could even be an unofficial Dracula prequel as well.

Saw: Alright John, I get it. People don't appreciate their lives, you're dying/dead. Your wife is gone, but why can't they friggen develop your character?! In the comic book, which is set prior to the events of the first movie. It filled in some of John's history, showing him as a toy designer at Standard Engineering Ltd. Saw: Rebirth also reveals John's discovery that he had terminal cancer and outlined how his subsequent failed suicide attempt impacted his train of thought. His relationships with Lawrence, Zep, Paul, Amanda, and Mark were explored, along with his transformation into Jigsaw. Save us another terrible sequel, and give us the backstory dood.

The Shining: Who isn't curious to see just how Delbert Grady "corrected" his wife and daughters? A Shining prequel could finally reveal the whole story of the Overlook's original caretaker. If you thought those twins were creepy as hell, imagine an entire movie with them all over it?Sleepaway Camp: So we know how Peter got to his crazy aunt's and we know what happened afterwards, but what about those lost years? I am damn curious to find out how the hell she transformed a little boy into a relatively attractive girl with headlight eyes.

Friday, September 25, 2009

GO SEE PARANORMAL ACTIVITY & ZOMBIELAND


Yes, the face on that screen cap does in fact bring all the boys to the yard...
NOT

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

AN ANALYSIS OF THE WOMEN IN PAUL SOLET'S "GRACE"

Amongst the plethora of films that I've managed to get my grubby paws on the past couple of weeks, I've been given a huge bundle of films that were mediocre, boring, and downright embarrassing to admit I've seen. Yet, in every load of rough, there's a diamond...and Grace was gleaming more than the one thrown off the Titanic. This film was exploding with female subject matter to the point that you'd have to be convinced it was written by someone with a uterus. However, we're very very wrong. This film is brilliantly made by Paul Solet, and yes, Paul is NOT short for Pauline, who disturbingly dedicated the film for his mom. This film absolutely blew me away. Some may think the reason I was so moved was because it's a blood thirsty baby and a killing mother, however, I was more moved by the character development and relationships than anything.  It isn't often that a male visionary absolutely nails female characters, but Solet managed to do so with ease.   SPOILER ALERT: THERE ARE MILD SPOILERS.


First, I want to applaud Solet for showcasing a lesbian affair without making it some steamy, hot, sex scene. The couple is presented as if there is nothing strange, unusual, or "special case" about their relationship, which I greatly repsect Solet for doing. All too often when a gay or lesbian relationship is in a script, it becomes this huge spectacle. In Grace, this was not the case.  I also have to hand it to Solet for how the relationship wasn't just dropped in out of nowhere. The relationship became more prominent as the film went on, taking away any unnecessary "shock value." In the beginning when husband Michael and wife Madeline are having sex, she looks indifferent about the situation. At first I thought, "he's doing it wrong," but after the film picks up, you realize he was doing it right...she just doesn't swing that way. When mid-wife Patricia visits Madeline for the first time, you can tell the moment she walks in the door that she is in love with her. There was just an air about her and the way she carried herself in Madeline's presence. It was breathtaking. Not to mention there's a pretty nifty girl-girl-girl love triangle going on. Patricia's girlfriend is well aware of Madeline and Patricia's former flame and her jealousy towards her almost gets Madeline killed. You don't see that happen very often.

Madeline's mother-in-law Vivian is one of the creepiest characters I've ever seen in a film in a long while. I honestly will say that I've never fully thought about how a mother would cope with the loss of their son when their child is fully grown, but Vivian delivers one of the more unsettling reactions. The "breastfeeding sex scene" is by far the most skin-crawl worthy scene in the entire movie, and this is a film about a baby that feeds on its mother like a praying mantis. The act of breastfeeding is supposed to be a beautiful act of mother providing for baby, and Solet found a way to completely flip it on its head and show the great lengths that grieving mothers can go through in order to feel "like a mother" again.  Strangely, Vivian also has this unspeakable power to control all of the men in her life. She has full control over her husband, her son, and even her doctor, which makes me question the relationship between them. There's clearly an implied affair, but never shown to come to fruition.  Vivian is the epitome of every woman's ultimate nightmare of the meddling mother-in-law...to the nth power.

Of course, we can't talk about this film without touching on the relationship between Madeline, and her baby, Grace. The bond between mother and child is something that can never be explained, only experienced; and until we have that experience, we can never begin to even come close to understanding it. This movie asks us the question "how far does that bond go?" and this movie proves something we have speculated for centuries, there is no limit. A lesbian, vegan, mother who has obviously only begun a relationship with a man for the sheer fact to have a child, has begun murdering people to harvest their blood in order to feed her child. How's that for a bond? This woman is willing to inflict pain upon herself in order to keep her child alive. This relationship could have been campy and cheesy but you know something, it's not. It's real. The relationship between Madeline and Grace is admirable and has a closer resemblance to mother and child than almost any film I've seen in the past 5 years. I had a long talk with my own mother about the film and low and behold, she agreed she'd do the same.

This film is breathtaking, terrifying, disturbing, moving, and inspiring. How it does that all at the same time, I don't know; but Paul Solet does it, and he does it well.



WOMAN OF THE WEEK: Sigourney Weaver/Ellen Ripley

I've long been lobbying for Ms. Weaver to be given the ol' Woman of the Week treatment, so I was glad when BJ-C gave me the opportunity to do it myself. In the role of Ripley, Weaver is one of the most memorable--and one of the first--of the "final girls".


Not a final girl, you say? Let's focus on the first film, shall we? In Ridley Scott's Alien, Ripley is a character of middling rank in the crew of the Nostromo. She is far from cut out for greatness, but possesses great strength of character. And so when the entire crew of this interstellar garbage scow comes apart at the seams when put upon by a hostile alien threat, she must find it in herself to outlive her crewmates and find a way to somehow defeat the killing machine. Which, in the end, she does, in the process becoming the "last survivor of the Nostromo."

Sounds a hell of a lot like a final girl to me.

Sigourney Weaver was a virtual unknown when she landed the key role in the 1979 space horror/adventure, having only previous enjoyed a few barely seen bit parts in films like Annie Hall. This was quite literally a star-making turn for her, and deservedly so.

In those days, and come to think of it, in these as well, it was next to unheard-of to have a film of this kind with a female central protagonist. Needless to say, producers were concerned. But in the end, not only did she pull it off, but it's safe to say that Alien probably wouldn't be remembered as fondly as it is today without the main character of Ripley.

Her presence, her intensity, and not to mention her impressive physical stature, make Sigourney Weaver a striking actress, and never moreso than in her most famous part. Ripley (we don't learn her first name until the James Cameron sequel) is a very identifiable character, yet she pulls off her "everywoman" persona without falling into the stereotypical tropes of female protagonists in horror films.

More than merely a final girl, Ripley is also a heroine in the truest cinematic sense of the word. Taking on a traditionally male role, she steps up to the plate after the men around her--and a fellow female who has the more stereotypical female reaction--collapse under the pressure and are picked off one by one. Ripley takes a proactive stance, and takes the battle to the monster.

This role is reinforced in the sequels: Her no-nonsense presence amongst the far-less-prepared Marines in Aliens; her even harder, gruff and battle-weary exterior amongst the prison inmates in David Fincher's Alien 3; even her grim and stoic portrayal of the character in the otherwise awful Alien: Resurrection, though reduced to a certain degree to cartoonishness, is memorable. Simply put, Ripley is a great movie character.

But for me, it is in the horrifying original, that haunted house tale in space, that Sigourney Weaver shines the most. From the beginning, we see that she is more fit to lead the crew of the Nostromo than its captain, Dallas. But for whatever reason, her skills are not put to their greatest use--until the crisis arises.

It's a landmark in screenwriting, because Ripley is a character almost devoid of sexual identity. Honestly, it wouldn't make a difference if she were a man or a woman--but that's precisely the breakthrough here. This isn't a female character whose importance and heroism is wrapped up in her female-ness. Much like so many male heroes who are simply heroes, and not summed up by their male-ness, Ripley is merely a human character. She is a strong, resilient, powerful person--and the woman part is incidental.

I love being able to feature Sigourney/Ripley as Woman of the Week, because she is, to me, the fully evolved version of what a female character can be. Meaning, she is more than a woman--she is a person.

But you don't have to take my word for it. Listen to Ms. Weaver:

YOU LIKE ME, YOU REALLY LIKE ME!

Thanks to Pax Romano, the wonderful author behind Billy Loves Stu, I was awarded at the first annual Hot Zombie Awards...

Best Bl
og Written by A Gay Man Trap
ped in the Body of A Sexy Young College Co-Ed: and that award goes to DAY OF THE WOMAN. When not twirling her baton, working with the homeless, or assisting illegal immigrants across the border, BJ-C hosts one of the freshest new horror blogs on the interwebs. BJ puts a lot of the boys to shame with her no-nonsense, ballsy prose and feminist take on the genre of film we love so much.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

It's my 250th Post!

I'm celebrating by giving you fine womanizers the gift that keeps on giving.Eli strangling Edward Cullen with a decapitated Bella and a cheering Oskar.
Love,
BJ-C


Special thanks to my girl Jessica and her deviantART stalking skills of Tidings of Comfort and Joy by Amy Scott

TERRIBLE POSTER TUESDAY!

Oh the sweet sweet smell of Tuesday afternoons. Hello out there womanizers, it's that day you've been waiting for since last Wednesday. The day where regardless of how much of an asshole your boss is, how many classes your daughter is failing, or how many pancakes were NOT ready for you on the kitchen table this morning...you can have a whopping helping of wit and sarcasm to help get you through the day. This week I guess I'm on a bit of a Fido kick after doing the podcast with IDK my BFF B-Sol over on The Vault of Horror. We did discuss how this film doesn't get nearly as much showcase as it deserves and I blame all of it on this craptacular poster.

First, this looks like a bad art project. I can cut out newspaper clips and glue them on red construction paper too. Who in their right mind saw this atrocity and thought "this is going to be on walls all across America!"? Not only are there about 100 things written all over it, but the font is tiny! How do you expect me to read the Ten commandments when it's written for ants!?

Second, why is the tagline off center? It's really bothering me and it's not that big of a deal, but its a few pixel place off and it's driving me insane. Who picked the red color too? It looks like Day Old Drag Queen Red. It's not even blood red! I seriously think someone skimmed across a color wheel and said "meh, okay".

Don't even get me started on the black and white zombie. If George A. Friggen Romero makes a comment that your zombie movie has his favorite makeup for a zombie movie he didn't make....WHY WOULDN'T YOU SHOWCASE IT?! The makeup is BRILLIANT, the coloring is the very best part and you put the picture in black and white?! Are you HIGH?!

In conclusion, don't judge a film by its poster art...because Fido is the shit, and this poster is just...crap.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Yes, I LIKED Jennifer's Body. SUE ME.

I seriously have always wondered what happens if someone sacrifices a girl to Satan and she wasn't a virgin. You know what, now I know...and I sort of want to be sacrificed right about now. This film is hilarious and screw what everyone says, I LIKE IT. Personally, I wasn't expecting to be terrified, I wasn't expected to be blown away by Oscar-Worthy acting jobs, and I wasn't expecting to run in the streets and tell everyone of its brilliance. This film IS exactly what I expected so I walked away happy. Megan Fox is as shittacular of an actress as she could possibly be and watching her try so hard to be a good actress made it all the more enjoyable. People put this film too high on a pedestal before seeing this in my opinion. It was so over-hyped that people completely forgot about their preconceived notions and actually expected something.
Does the film have its problems? Of course, all films do. However the horror blogging community has been ripping this film to shreds and it doesn't deserve as much shit as it's getting. As much as I adore Brad McHargue of I Love Horror, I must disagree with something he said in his review "This woman has absolutely no grasp on reality, convinced all teenagers live in their own self-involved world and communicating through a made up language indecipherable to anyone with a fully developed brain or lacking the latest book of Cody-speak. Every single line is peppered with faux-teenage slang, itself an affront to teenagers existing on this plane of existence, and spouted out by wooden characters." Well dear, this is where my age DOES come in handy. We DO all live in our own self-involved worlds and comunicate through made up languages that people don't know how to decipher. One of the reasons that Juno was so successful is because she spoke our language and she was right on point. We do sound like that, we do make unnecessary comparisons using pop culture references, and we do use faux slang.
The other thing I liked and can vow for, is that the two characters of Jennifer and Needy are realistic. I know girls exactly like them, they may not necessarily hang out together but girls like them do exist. Using their hip lingo that makes them sound half awesome and half handicapped, these girls are EXACTLY like ones I went to high school with. How Diablo Cody understands completely what teenagers today sound like is beside me. Anyway. I love the fact that the two characters are so 1990's teen movie it hurts. Needy is straight out of She's All That and Jennifer is just a walking prototype for Malibu Barbie but from the young Angelina Jolie line. Cody wasn't trying to give us these super deep characters, she gave us vapid teenagers in a horror comedy, we're all just taking it way too seriously. We keep analyzing this film like its the freaking DaVinci Code, and it's not. It's a film with Megan Fox in it for christsake, what were you expecting?

So there you have it, I like it. No matter how many long winded comments I recieve about it, I'm still going to like it.
:)

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Words of Wisdom brought to you by FIDO

Every so often a film comes out that is absolutely brilliant but because of idiots behind marketing and DVD box art...it goes unnoticed. Fido is one of those films. It's hilarious, it's cute, it's entertaining, and it takes place in the best time possible-a zombie infested Pleasantville. The best part about this film is by far the script and in has some incredible lines in it that I feel need to be recognized. So just like last time with Scream, I'm going to put up pictures of OTHER horror films so you can see how art imitates life...or whatever cliche quote DOES work for this situation.
Bill Robinson: I'd say I'm a pretty darn good father. My father tried to eat me, I don't remember trying to eat Timmy.
School Children: [singing] In the brain and not the chest. Head shots are the very best.
Man on TV: The elderly seem friendly enough, but can you really trust them? No.
Mr. Bottoms: Without my job, well we'd all be dead. And then where would we be?
Kids:....dead?
Mr. Bottoms: That's right.
Timmy: So zombies are sinners?
Mrs. Robinson: I suppose we're all sinners honey, but God sees the good in anyone.
Timmy: So, does that mean God loves zombies too? Even when they kill?
Mrs. Robinson: I think zombies kill because its they're nature.
Timmy: So its not really they're fault?
Mrs. Robinson: No. Not really.

Friday, September 18, 2009

FINAL DESTINATION IS ALIVE AND KICKING


Okay, not really.
But a Michelle Childers and her husband were driving through a forest in Idaho when a tree limb crashed through the passenger side window and into her neck. She and her husband drove another hour before they finally met up with an air ambulance and then it took 6 hours to remove it out of her neck. I don't know about you, but did anyone see this and not instantly think Final Destination?

DAY OF THE WOMAN SALUTES HORROR PARODIES

Happy Friday Womanizers! I know I've been a bit on the slacker side lately, but my semester is totally kicking my ass and well, I would like to graduate eventually and be a productive member of society someday. Anywhoo. Since it's Friday I wanted to give you guys something fun and entertaining. I could easily write about something super serious, but I'd rather not. So lets talk about about something that some of you may not be that big of a fan of. I'm talking PARODIES! I love a good laugh as much as a good scare and when I can have both in one sitting, that's just having my cake and eating it too. Today I'm focusing on parodies, NOT zombie comedies, they're in a league of their own. Different story for a different day.

COMPOSITE HORROR MOVIE PARODIES
The absolute easiest way to parody a horror film, is to make a movie out of it. You can keep the characters and their basic functions (like you know, stabbing) but put them in hilarious scenarios. Here we see the Ghostface killer chasing a girl...while she's running track. I tried to screen cap when they run by and both are given "Killerade" on their last lap. However I suck at screen caps. Films also give you the opportunity to make puns out of any and everything. The Scary Movie franchise is absolutely PRO at that. People like to see things they know and love being parodied. Why do you think people laugh at good impersonators? My favorites...
Scary Movie, Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday The 13th, Student Bodies


CHARACTER PARODIES
Everyone has that one character that they absolutely love and cannot get enough of. The day they come out with a parody film for Karen Cooper will be a GREAT day for me. Anyway, many of my favorite movies are actually character parody films. The more well known the character, the more the audience will appreciate the tribute. Parodies aren't meant to be insulting, they're supposed to be fun! If you can't laugh at something you love, what do you have to laugh at? I recommend...
Young Frankenstein, Saturday the 14th, Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Reposession, Teen Wolf, Teen Witch

SOMETHING FOR THE KIDS

Oh childhood, how I miss thee. When I was little, we used to have the coolest parodies. There tends to be a TON of horror parodies for kids because we are blessed with holiday specials of our favorite shows. Almost every cartoon has a Halloween special. There's something about making horror "kid friendly" that makes me love the characters so much more. I don't know why, I guess hearing my daycare discuss zombies has something to do with it. My favorites are...
Hyde & Hare, The Spongebob Zombie Episode, Beetlejuice, and Night of the Living Duck

TELEMUNDOOOOO
I watch an unhealthy amount of television and I always get unnecessarily excited whenever my favorite horror characters pop up in television. Lately however, I've found that people have gotten REALLLLY good at interlacing horror characters into daily television. You can't escape it! Check out...
Family Guy's 3 Kings, The Simpson's Treehouse of Horror, That 70's Show's Tribute to Hitchcock, Robot Chicken (they have at least one horror every friggen episode), and SNL's skit about Dracula being worried about AIDS.


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

WOMAN OF THE WEEK: ANNA FARIS

I know I know, I'm a day late. I'm a terrible blogger and deserve 40 whacks just like Lizzie Borden's parental units. Anyways, this weeks Woman may be a little on the "BJ-C, did you eat a bowl of what the hell for breakfast?" side, however she is being featured as a promotion for our next list here on DotW. She may not be a Scream Queen by most people's standards, but damn it...SHE IS. If Shaun from Shaun of the Dead can be a bad ass zombie killer in a zombie comedy, then the truest of all the final girls from a horror parody series damn well deserves her recognition. I'm of course talking about funny girl Anna Faris.

Her breakout role was in her most well known performance in the horror parody Scary Movie. The 5'5" Faris, a natural blonde, dyed her hair black for the filming of Scary Movie and Scary Movie 2, so that her character more closely resembled Sidney Prescott played by Neve Campbell, who played the corresponding character in Scream one of the main films that Scary Movie parodied. Anna Faris is one of two people to be in all four of the films in the Scary Movie franchise making her a "final girl".

The one thing that I dislike is that many people may not agree with me ahout her being a Woman of the Week. However, I am more impressed with Anna Faris's ability to make fun of something I love so dearly, without pissing me off. She is HYSTERICAL and honestly knows her horror. You can tell by her acting that she has vigorously studied the characters she is portraying in order to well...make fun of them better. She does a great job and I have oodles of respect for her. It's one thing to run around and scream like an idiot from a man in a mask, it's another thing to run around and scream like an idiot from a man in a mask and make it funny.

Faris has played parts in parodying the horror films: Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Beetlejuice, Halloween, Hollow Man, Godzilla, Urban Legend, What Lies Beneath, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, Signs, The Ring, The Grudge, War of the Worlds, Saw II, The Village, Shaun of the Dead, Dawn of the Dead, and Final Destination 3

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

TERRIBLE POSTER TUESDAY

Thanks to a healthy combination of insomnia, diet coke, and the lack of nyquil; I've brought you womanizers your daily dose of sarcasm and horror BRIGHT AND EARLY! Today's poster was brought to my attention by fellow Illini horror blogger Rick Romanowski of The Lost Paradise of Horror. I have been looking for a shiteous poster all week, but apparently these weekly installments of ripping apart photoshop debauchery has become so popular...I show up when I google "terrible horror movie posters" or "bad horror movie posters". So thank him for bringing this to my attention.

Let us begin with the frenchin' TITLE. Okay, so calling a film S.I.C.K. isn't that bad, but the fact that its an anagram for something completely idiotic just ruins it. If you can't see it, S.I.C.K. stands for Serial. Insane. Clown. Killer. I know that I am a huge promoter for the force to be with someone, but this is just ridiculous. Apparently, Lame Instances Creating Kooky Movie Yuke-worthy Abbreviations Not Understandable Sentences wasn't available. If the title is awful, it just makes the poster instantly terrible. Oh yeah, and you have two actors billed over the title, and I've never heard of either.

Next up, what the hell is in the background. It's half blood forest and half stairs/chinese fan. I honestly think someone found the poster from Cabin Fever and just cropped everything out of it. Since when do clowns run down stairs/geisha fans and end up in blood forests? AND WHY IS THE MOON SO BIG?! Everyone uses huge moons! Moons are that big maybe once a couple of months and I REFUSE to believe that terrifying things happen every single time. That only works for werewolves, and this is about a serial killer clown...stay in your lane dude.

So remember when you were in middle school and your teachers would beg you to NOT write more than you need to? Well whoever came up with the tagline clearly FAILED that portion of English class. There are 5 lines on that tagline. FIVE. The only time 5 is allowed to be awesome is in the 12 Days of Christmas. If you ARE going to waste 25 seconds of my time by making me read 5 lines on a poster that doesn't deserve my time in the first place, it better be some Mark Twain shit. However, what am I blessed with you ask? That's right, a god damn interview on 60 minutes.
Are you afraid of the dark? I'm not, but I do have all 6 seasons on DVD, thanks for asking.
Are you scared of the unknown? No, that went out the door with the civil rights movement.
Are you afraid of clowns? Yes. I wrote about it two days ago. If you paid any attention, you'd know that.
This winter...
you will be.
I highly doubt that. If I were a betting woman and there was a line about this in Vegas, I'd go 10 to 1 that this winter I will be in Florida not giving a crap about the dark, the unknown, or clowns.

And we end it, with the clown. The clown that to be completely honest, doesn't creep me out. Maybe it's because his teeth were CLEARLY ripped off of The Dentist 2 poster, or the fact Chuckie Finster from the Rugrats lended out his hair to this poor shmuck. The skin on his eyebrow doesn't look like he sewed skin together, it looks like a ripped apart baseball. There is NOTHING scary about a baseball face, at all. I'm pretty sure homeboy used a sharpie to outline his mouth and the only time I'm afraid of sharpie lines are when hispanic women use them to draw on their eyebrows. I don't know if the emerald city green eyes are supposed to creep me out or not, but I can't be afraid of a guy who spent time to not only posess, but wear color contact lenses. Overall, this is a bad photoshop job, a bad makeup job, and looks like it was a terrible movie too.
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