Monday, August 31, 2009

Its beginning to look alot like TWATLIGHT.


Hello Womanizers, I have not forgotten about my promised vlogs; however I have been neglecting you all so I'm going to do one of those "not as cool text with google images" kind of posty things. As most of you know, I'm back at the glorious campus of Western Illinois University. While getting to class on time, discovering how much liquid courage my body can handle, and making new friends...i've also been bombarded with Twi-Hard lunatics.

When going to Walmart the other day, I put up my 5 DVD's on the conveyer belt. I had a two-disc special of Silence of the Lambs & Hannibal, a two-disc set of April Fool's Day and My Bloody Valentine, The Pagemaster, and Last House on the Left. The cashier was proudly displaying her "Team Jacob" pin on her vest and I shook my head in disgust as I gave her my debit card. She looked at me, looked at my DVD purchases and then started up a conversation with me.

Cashier: So how excited are you for New Moon?
Me: About as excited as I'd be to put mouthwash in my eyes.
Cashier: Why? You don't like it?
Me: I hate it, and I spend my spare time ripping it to shreds on the interweb.
Cashier: Oh, I assumed you'd love it too.
Me: Now what the hell would make you think that?
Cashier: Well, you're a teenage girl and you just bought a bunch of horror movies.

SERIOUSLY? I hate my life. I really really really really really hate my life.



It doesn't end there however, the world is NOT enough. Walmart also has a fucking Twatlight section in the store. That's right, I try to escape seriously confused cashier woman and I'm thrown into Twatlight T-shits, and Kristen Stewart's stupid blank expression staring at me from all directions. However, I thought this would be creepy enough, but it isn't. Twatlight is seriously getting creepier and creepier and creepier by the second. My good friends from The Vault of Horror, BuyZombie, Womanizer Edward (thankfully not THAT Edward) and Musings Across a Continuum have brought to light some of the weirdest and most awkward of Twatlight geekery on the planet.Now every pre-teen can finally have an angsty teenage girl and a pasty boy to play house with.
He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good, and when you masturbate HEY!Oh, my slumber will be so much easier now that you're here silhouette of Edward. You'll sparkle away the monster under my bed, and be intrigued while I sleep. How did I ever fall asleep without you watching me?

Oh, and there's a Twilight Sex Toy coming out...great. That's almost as bad as when the Nimbus 2000 came out and it was nothing more than a ridgid vibrating broom.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

NOT DEAD, I PROMISE


I have about 5 Vlogs in the works that the wonderful MacBook photobooth program keeps acting all hoopty-jankty. So prepare yourself to have about 5 ranty, blogs from me in the near future.

Peace, Love & Brains
~BJ-C

Thursday, August 27, 2009

WOMAN OF THE WEEK: THE WOMEN OF HALLOWEEN

WELCOME TO THE 25TH WOMAN OF THE WEEK! This week I decided to do something a little fun and it took me more than one day to put it all together. With the release of Rob Zombie's Halloween II this weekend, I figured what better way to celebrate this momentous accomplishment for DotW than to feature the women of Halloween. We all know and love the man, the Shape, the masked one himself; Michael Myers...but it can be said that the Halloween franchise wouldn't be the way it is without those screaming sirens. Thank-you ladies for being the quintessential final girls and absolutely stunning Scream Queens. NOTE: I'm featuring the women that I feel made an impact, not every single woman who ever appeared in a film. So sorry Tyra, you're not getting a shout out.




P.J. Soles for her portrayal as Lynda Van Der Klock.
On the night of October 31st, 1978, one Lynda Van Der Klock had planned to meet up with her friends [Annie Blackett and her boyfriend Paul] at the Wallace resident for some "fun". Little does Lynda know, Annie has been murdered by Michael Myers. Thus, sets us up for one of the most iconic scenes from Halloween ever. Lynda has sex with her boyfriend Bob when he goes downstairs for a beer. While he is downstairs Michael pins him to the wall with a knife. He then disguises himself as Bob by wearing a white sheet over his head and Bob's glasses. Lynda of course believes it to be Bob and begins to flash him her breasts. Now, as a completely heterosexual female, P.J. Soles looks pretty decent naked, especially for the 70's. She gets up to call her buddy Laurie Strode to see if she knows where Annie and Paul are. The second that Laurie picks up, Michael Myers grabs the phone cord and strangles Lynda with it. Of course Laurie assumes its a prank call and just hangs up the phone. Lynda falls dead and Laurie finds them later on.

Nancy Loomis for her portrayal of Annie Brackett
Annie is one of Laurie Strode's best friends, and the daughter of Haddonfield sheriff, Leigh Brackett. On Halloween night, she is babysitting "little Lindsey Wallace" across the street from Laurie, and the two friends gossip over the phone throughout the evening. After dropping Lindsey off with Laurie in order to go and meet her boyfriend Paul, Annie is murdered by Michael Myers, who strangles her in her car before slitting her throat. Michael then sets up her corpse for Laurie to find, leaving her in the Wallaces' bed with Judith Myers' tombstone

Ellie Cornell for her portrayal as Rachel Carruthers
Rachel is probably one of my favorites because she's so dedicated into helping those around her. Laurie was more "save me save me, I'm a Final Girl, I can't die!" Rachel was more concerned about her little Jamie than she was anyone. Rachel Carruthers is the only child of Richard and Darlene Carruthers. Little else is known about her life before late October 1988. However, through her own admission, Laurie Strode, Jamie's mother- did baby-sit her when she was younger. The character of Rachel only makes a quick appearance in Halloween 5 before being killed off and having her role as Jamie's protector taken over by her friend Tina. At the beginning of the movie, Michael stalks Rachel around her house after she gets out of the shower and eventually kills her by stabbing her in the chest with a pair of scissors. Near the end of the movie, Rachel's body makes one final appearance in the attic that Michael chases Jamie into.


Wendy Kaplan as Tina Williams
She was best friends with Rachel Carruthers, Samantha Thomas, and Lindsey Wallace. Her boyfriend was Mike Gonland. As Jamie had thoughts and dreams of Michael Myers, Tina ignored her and went to a party with Samantha and Spitz looking for Mike. Mike had been murdered earlier by Michael Myers. She then went to the tower farm where Jamie and Billy Hill followed. After Samantha and Spitz were murdered, Tina saw Michael in the farm. She ran outside and saw two officers, dead. Michael went in his car and chased Jamie, Billy, and Tina in the woods. Tina eventually was stabbed sacrificing herself to save Jamie.

Sheri Moon Zombie as Deborah Myers
She is the mother of Judith and Michael Myers as well as the real mother of Laurie Strode. She does not know that her son is mentally unstable, nor that Michael kills animals as a habit. While working at a strip club she misses seeing Michael killing her abusive boyfriend, Ronnie, Judith, and Judith's boyfriend, Steve. After this, Michael is put in custody; Deborah later witnesses her son attacking a nurse and killing her. When she returns home, Deborah commits suicide by shooting herself while watching old home videos of Michael. She's going to be in the 2009 remake sequel bewigged...here's hoping it doesn't totally kill the character.

Kyle Richards as Lindsey Wallace
She first appears in Halloween babysat by Annie Brackett (who makes teenagers babysit on Halloween...honestly?) After Annie leaves the Wallaces' house to go and pick up her boyfriend, Paul, she leaves Lindsey with Laurie who is babysitting Tommy Doyle at his house(once again, babysitting on Halloween???). Before leaving to pick up her boyfriend, Annie is killed by The Shape himself. Lindsey is then seen asleep with Tommy while Laurie goes and checks on Annie, Paul, and her friends, Lynda and Bob. Lindsey and Tommy later open the door for Laurie as she is chased back into the house by the Shape. After locking themselves in the bathroom and Laurie being attacked twice, Laurie tells them to go to the Mackenzies' house. She appears in Halloween II in a recap of the first film's final moments.

Danielle Harris as Jamie Lloyd
Jamie suffers from nightmares about her uncle Michael, and in the 5th film of the series, she and him share almost a telepathic connection. The fourth film is heartbreaking because for the first time you see Michael out and intending to harm a little girl and her foster sister Rachel. She ran around town in a clown costume and screamed for almost the entire film. My favorite scene is one that isn't even as "memorable" and its watching her being teased for being related to Haddonfield's Boogeyman. My heart strings pulled for that little girl! However, who can forget at the end of the 4th film when Jamie is shown at the top of the stairs with the clown mask on weilding a knife. The 5th film Jamie is rendered a mute and suffers from seizures. Scary enough, her connection with Michael hasn't gone away and she goes into convulsions whenever he is about to kill. Myers tracks down his niece in his childhood home after Loomis takes her. By addressing him as "Uncle," she gets him to pause and remove his mask. I swear to you, that is the most insane moment of the whole film. You know it's not going to work and that Michael is going to get her, but you don't know when. So for that little girl to pull that off...is DAMN impressive.
Scout Taylor-Compton as Laurie Strode
Love the remake or hate it, Scout does a damn fine job in it. It is true that absolutely no one can even TOUCH the performance of Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode, but I will admit that I enjoyed myself watching Scout. She has real powerful screaming lungs, she can be beat the crap out of and still look hot and I'll admit it...she's pretty convincing as an actress. Sue me. I like her.
Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode
Combining sex appeal, innocence and feminine strength in a way never before seen in the horror genre, the second generation starlet was more than a character--she was an archetype. In the sex-drenched world of the 1970s, Laurie's character chooses not to indulge in the carnal desires of her friends, sublimating her libidinal energies into a force of shocking violence in the face of violence. Confronted with the threat of the Shape, she diverts her pent-up sexuality into a destructive force that is the only thing which saves her life. Now that's girl power, people. amie Lee Curtis would make one more return to horror, reprising her role as Laurie Strode in Halloween II--the sequel in which young Laurie discovers that she is actually Michael Myers' sister. would be 20 years after the original Halloween that Jamie Lee Curtis was finally lured back to the world of blood and guts to once again contend with Myers in the underrated Halloween: 20 Years Later (1998), followed by one final cameo as Laurie in the decidedly inferior Halloween: Resurrection (2002).
AND FINALLY...Debra Hill
We always associate Halloween, Michael Myers, Jamie Lee Curtis, and all things of that sort with John Carpenter...but did you know that he wasn't the full brains behind the operation? That's right, Michael Myers does have a mother...and her name is Debra Hill. John Carpenter even credits her as being the other half of the 50/50 writing cred for Halloween, Halloween II, and Halloween III: Season of the Witch. She also worked alongside him in The Fog. Outside of working with Carpenter, she produced The Dead Zone, Head Office, Escape from NY, World Trade Center, and two of my favorite cult classics: Clue and Adventures in Babysitting. Little clues about her personal life lend a hand in the making of Michael Myers' storyline. For example, Haddonfield was named after Hill's birthplace in Haddonfield, New Jersey. She also helped Carpenter pay homage to Alfred Hitchcock by giving many characters name related to his characters. For example, the decision to name Dr. Loomis after Janet Leigh's boyfriend in Psycho. Hell, it was Debra Hill who thought casting Jamie Lee Curtis would be brilliant once she found out she was Janet Leigh's daughter.

QUITE POSSIBLY THE GREATEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

TERRIBLE POSTER TUESDAY

Gosh it feels so good to be back in the swing of things, and by swing of things...I mean have the ability to completely rip apart a horror movie poster. Happy Tuesday, Womanizers! In this week's edition of Terrible Poster Tuesday, we see a film that should have absolutely nothing wrong with it. The film is based on a story by the legendary Stephen King, Samuel L. Jackson & John Cusak star, and its another hotel tale from the same dude who brought us The Shining. You'd think we'd have a real bread winner on our hands right? Right? WRONG. To be honest, the poster is almost better than the movie, if that says anything about the film.

Let's start out with that key. Um what year are we in? Last I checked, hotels (even classy, ritzy, hilton-y ones) used key cards. I understand the hotel is super old and historic, but you decide to update every single room but decide that the 18th century locks are all the rage? Not so much. What I also don't get is that this hotel is willing to have a room that is "proven" haunted and people die and stuff...uh wouldn't you knock it down or something and make a memorial in its ashes? Apparently not. That key is ridiculous and I highly doubt the numbers really melt off like that. Way to try to look scary, FAIL.

Okay, so John Cusak's got a Karen Cooper face going on. Is this emo-shot's 101 or ? The only time that face is allowed is when you are contemplating putting a boom box above your head. Just saying. Also, Samuel L Jackson hasn't done a good bit of acting since Pulp Fiction, so why the hell was he cast and why is he on the cover?

Dear random blood stain that I'm not a fan of all over this poster, clean yourself up. You're not helping the cause, and you're making it harder to read the headlines.

Peace, Love, Brains,
~BJ-C

DotW CONTEST: ONE FREE ITUNES DOWNLOAD OF "CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH"!


A week or so ago, I put up my Back To School Special and featured a dandy little film called "Class of Nuke 'Em High". Luckily for all you fine boils and ghouls, I was contacted about A CONTEST! It seems that the awesome folks at New Video Digital and iTunes are giving away one free download of the film! That's right! You can have your very own radioactive high school movie on your computer/iPod/iPhone/iTouch/iWhatever!!!

Only U.S. residents (Sorry Ms. Harker) are eligible to win because we are limited to working through the iTunes U.S. store and so cannot ‘gift’ downloads to residents in other countries. It would also be convenient if participants have existing iTunes accounts because the delivery of the free download will require that the winner’s e-mail address be linked to iTunes. Otherwise, the winner will need to set up an iTunes account.

Now, I'm not just going to hand over this once in a lifetime opportunity, you gotta work for it!

Here's what I want. I want you fine womanizers to send me an e-mail and tell me what convinced you that your high school was also exposed to radiation. Gimmie a horrifying teacher, a prom date that was secretly a succubus, anything! Just make sure it's good. I don't give a crap if your math teacher ate homework, that's a personal problem and probably made up. I will select me a winner, post their awesome story on the blog, and they'll get a movie download.

Sound good?
e-mail your stories to:
BRITTNAHJADE@gmail.com


Monday, August 24, 2009

HALLOWEEN II OR THE FINAL DESTINATION: How will you spend your Friday night?

Drum roll please *clears throat* HEY YOU GUUUUUUUUUYS! I'm back from my week hiatus! I have returned thinner, tanner, sassier, and more driven than ever to bring you the absolute finest in horror blogging!


Does anyone out there know what this Friday is? Sadly it isn't the 13th, but it is going to be a Battle Royale of potentially awful horror sequels! It's going to be a Scary Movie SMACKDOWN, and I can't frenchin' WAIT. I'll be honest, some people believe that horror films should only be released around Halloween...but I disagree. There is no better way to say Welcome Back to School than to scare the bejesus out of people. This Friday could potentially be an absolutely amazing day for the world of horror, or a giant bomb of terrible. I have my fingers crossed for the first option, but I could be horribly horribly wrong.

However, when I'm not being super mcawesome, I'm a part-time phone psychic. Not really, but I'm going to predict how the films are going to be and help guide you to choose which film to see this weekend.

Let's start out with the cast:

H2: Love him or hate him, Rob Zombie can cast one hell of a movie. All of his films have great acting and some of the most underrated acting professionals the cinema has ever known. Don't believe me? Well this film has got "shagged and fagged and fashed" Alex from A Clockwork Orange as Dr. Loomis, the guy who is the voice of the demented gingerdoll known as Chucky as Sheriff Brackett, and Lois freakin' Lane-Margot Kidder as Barbara Collier.


FD: The star of this film was in the 3rd installement of Legally Blonde. You know, the one without Reese...Quinn from college girl fantasy show One Tree Hill. Oh, and a guy who did Beverly Hills Chiuahaha. However is the casting director of this film needs to be shot. The resume's on these films combined probably don't even scratch the surface of the resume that Malcom McDowell's got on him. The closest thing to acting scared these kids have ever had to do in a movie was probably when their hairdresser ran out of pomade....



Winner: H2

Which film is gonna have better kills?

H2: Michael Myers has been around for YEARS and completely redefined the genre. HOWEVER, when it really comes down to it, he's a simple man. It doesn't take too much for him. He's incredibly strong, a bit invincible, and somehow can slow walk against some screaming Marion Jones wannabes and get there at the same time. HOWEVER, how often has he been creative about killing? Other than that whole dressing like a ghost nonsense, he's honestly stuck to stabbing of some sort. He doesn't mess around with imagination, just a point and stab kind of guy.

FD: If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. I'm well aware of how horribly written the FD films are, but I will NEVER take away the ability for the film to have stellar kills. People get crushed by glass, decapitated by metal debris on train tracks, cooked in tanning beds, annihilated by buses, slice and diced by fences, impaled by pvc pipes and airbags, elevator smashings, staple gunned to death, barbequed, and have the best opening massacres I've ever seen. I don't watch this films for high quality storytelling, I watch them to watch teenagers get ripped apart.

Winner: FD

Which film is going to be sexier?

H2: The absolutely MINDBLOWING Danielle Harris is all grown-up as Annie Brackett, and if this sequel is anything like the orignal...you'll get some tit shots. Sherri Moon Zombie (although white wigged) is drop dead sexy regardless of what she wears, and Scout Taylor-Compton is one foxy lady. You can't have a real horror film without having a real hot mama on the screen. The big difference that I see, is that in this case...these hot mama's can actually act.



FD: One Tree Hill's Shantel VanSanten and
Baywatch babe Krista Allen.
Who cares if they can act?
They're hot
&& in about 45 minutes they'll be blown to bits.

Winner: TIED


So you know what, after this long and grueling three category battle, we have a tie. However, being the brains behind DotW, I get to be the tie breaker. When it comes to two horror films battling it out for my hard earned $8.75, I want some quality damn it. Maybe in a week or so I'll be in the mood for some teen girl slaughtering by bed frames or something, but this week...I WANT MICHAEL MYERS. Is there even really a question? It's mother frenchin' Michael Myers. The Shape himself! I don't care if its not Carpenter/Hill's original killer, its still Michael Myers. I want my slasher. Sorry invisible wind that symbolizes death, maybe next time.

WINNER: H2



Wednesday, August 19, 2009

THIS ONE TIME, AT BAND CAMP


Yes, you read that right.
Yours truly is the feature twirler for the Marching Leathernecks at Western Illinois University
Which means...I have band camp.
Every day this week for 12 hours...
Needless to say, I'll be back next week
:D
Peace, Love, & Brains
~BJ-C

Monday, August 17, 2009

DAY OF THE WOMAN'S BACK TO SCHOOL SPECIAL

Sup Womanizers? I'm proud to say that I am writing you from the classy establishment of the Days Inn of Macomb. That's right, I'm back at University. HOLLER. However for some stupid reason or another, they won't open the dorms until tomorrow. I mean, granted I'm here a week earlier than everyone else for band camp...but come on mang! So as I breathe in the air rittled with cliff-notes and vomit smell, I thought of how wonderful school is; so why not give you all a Back to School Special? K-Mart may be selling you Roseart crayons for $1, but I'm giving you a list of awesome school related horror flicks ABSOLUTELY FREE!

NOTHING SAYS SCHOOL LIKE THE PROM:

You can always tell when school is coming around because stupid girls start preparing for dances about 12 years in advance. I know people who have bought their prom dresses before the Homecoming dance, and girls who start tanning for the prom around Valentine's Day. So how do you get in that prom mood? Why else than to watch horror flicks? I recommend:
  • Carrie (1976)
  • Dance of the Dead (2008)
  • Prom Night (1980)
HOT FOR TEACHER

Oh teachers. Some of them left an impact on us, some of them became our life's mentors, and some of them made us hate trigonometry so much that anytime we meet a trig student we want to set their books on fire...If you're lucky enough, you'll get a killer teacher. ZING! Where do I come up with these puns? It's like a gift from God or something I swear. I recommend:
  • The Faculty (1998)
  • The Substitute (2008)
  • To Sir, With Love (2006)
WE GOT SPIRIT YES WE DO, WE GOT SPIRIT HOW 'BOUT YOU?!


2,4,6,8 they're the girls we love to hate! Gooooo spirit squads yeah! If living with a cheerleader, twirling with the band, and cheering back in the day has taught me anything...its that cheerleaders are something that seriously DEFINE school. Everyone knows them, everyone wants to either be them or be with them. In some cases...everyone wants them dead. Maybe its some undertones for necrophelia, or maybe someone has a serious hate for rhyming girls in short skirts...I recommend:

  • Satan's Cheerleaders (1977)
  • Cheerleader Camp (1988)
  • The Majorettes (1986)
  • Girls Nite Out (1984)
I GET HI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-IGH TIL I D-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-E

This section has absolutely nothing to do with being high, but I needed something catchy to refer to high school films. Sometimes high school is so horrific, we gotta re-name it. I mean maybe if Rydell high in Grease was that bad it would have been RydHELL high or something. High School can be pretty brutal, and kids can be pretty mean, so much so that we make movies out of it. I recommend:

  • Class of Nuke 'Em High (1986)
  • Slaughter High (1986)
  • Full Moon High (1981)
  • Return to Horror High (1987)
BE NICE TO THE NEW KIDS AND THE WEIRD KIDS

Oh the poor kids who are products of moving, transferring, and of course FRESH MEAT. My mom always taught me to be nice to the new kids or the outcasts because they tend to be the ones that are the most hostile...and she was right. I recommend:

  • The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999)
  • Cry_Wolf (2005)
  • Bad Reputation (2005)
GO GREEK OR GO HOME

Oh to be young and a part of Greek life. I don't know if its the paying for your friendship or the covering yourself with weird characters but man Greeks are like a cult in themselves. No wonder there's so many movies about them...

  • Black Christmas (1974)
  • The House on Sorority Row (1983)
  • Frat House Massacre (2008)
  • Sorority House Massacre (1984)

So there you have it. My handful of horror films to help ya get prepared and pumped up for the school year. I'm aware of the million and one other horror films out there with a school setting but I wanted to help you kids along. It's like the list of books you get to help you pick a topic for your book report.

You have your assignment.
Class dismissed.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

District 9 Does NOT Disappoint

[B-Sol of The Vault of Horror here, with a very special reader-submitted review of the incredible new flick District 9. Loyal Vault Dweller Wendy Winant Bodine sent this in to me, and I wanted to share it with all you Womanizers. Enjoy, and check out the movie at your earliest convenience...]

As a witness to the viral video campaign for this film for the past 6 months (it’s been going on for at least over a year now), I had some idea of what District 9 was going to be about probably a bit more so than those who hadn’t noticed the campaign. But that still didn’t prepare me for much of what was witnessed at the midnight showing I attended last weekend. I also knew that producer Peter Jackson wouldn’t let me down, having been a fan of not only the Lord of the Rings trilogy, but his earlier horror work with Braindead (1992) and Bad Taste (1987). And the short film by fledgling director Neill Blomkamp upon which the film was crafted (“Alive in Joburg” (2005)) left enough of a pleasant aftertaste to make one look forward to the cinematic buffet that is District 9.

The film tells of a race of aliens whose mothership comes to rest directly over Johannesburg, South Africa, sometime in the early '80s. After several days with no action on the aliens’ part, humans make their way to the ship and literally drag the occupants out under the pretense of helping them. They set them up in what was supposed to be a temporary facility that quickly grew into the slum known as “District 9”. Heavily regulated and living in squalor, the aliens just want to be left alone, or better yet, to be allowed to return to their ship, although the humans keep insisting that them leaving is not an option. While the humans in charge of District 9 talk continually of their desire to help the aliens, the real motive is to gain access to their highly-advanced weaponry. The aliens are so hard pressed, they willingly trade their technology for food. All their technology is useless to humans, however, as it is all biologically based on the alien’s DNA—only they can use it.

Enter Wikus van der Merwe, an executive at Multi-National United (MNU), the mega-corporation hired by the government to take charge of the upcoming relocation of the aliens to “District 10”, a supposedly better living area. Wikus and his team, assisted by MNU mercenaries lead by the malicious Obesandjo 7, attempt to serve the aliens with eviction notices to make the move as uncomplicated as possible. While inspecting one shack, Wikus runs across a vial of black fluid, which he unwittingly sprays into his face. This is the turning point for the future of aliens and humans alike, as the chemical spreads into Wikus’ system, altering his DNA and slowly morphing him into an alien. When MNU becomes aware of this, they seize him and, rather than trying to save him, force him to test alien weaponry, which he does reluctantly but successfully. MNU plans to dissect him for further study, to see how alien DNA can be merged with human so that humans can use alien technology. Wikus escapes and finds sanctuary in the only place he can—District 9.

This movie is a breath of fresh air in a long-stale movie atmosphere of too many remakes and sequels, of brain-dead bathroom humor and teen-oriented romances. My main pleasure was finding out how intelligent this movie is—it doesn’t insult the audience by relying solely on high-tech special effects and an over-abundance of violence. To be sure, such elements exist, but in the proper ratio to an actual PLOT, something that’s been lacking in mainstream sci-fi for too long. ALL the characters are 3-dimensional—the aliens have their own language (although how they communicate with humans verbally, understanding each other’s language, is never quite explained, but doesn’t hinder the storyline) and speak it at all times (with English subtitles), giving us insight into their culture and history by observation, not just by some human explaining it to us.

Some might be put off by the overtly-obvious and oft-used theme of “evil humans”, but if you’re familiar with the history of South Africa at all, you realize that in this case, it cannot be ignored. Most of the humans depicted in the film, whether they’ve interacted with the aliens or not, view them as inferior (the slang term for them is “prawns”). The hapless Wikus especially maintains his negative view of the aliens; as his change progresses, all that matters is reversing the process, to the detriment of those around him, human and alien alike.

There is much more to be said about District 9, but I will end here for fear of giving away much more of the excellent plot and of repeating the comments of other reviewers. I can say definitively though, that District 9 was worth the hype, and if the ending is to be believed (and I certainly hope so), I look forward to more from Blomkamp and Jackson in the future. Rated R for bloody violence and pervasive language. 5/5

Saturday, August 15, 2009

GO READ LET THE RIGHT ONE IN



NOW
ps; the screen cap is awesome.
&& yes....I meant to say "describe" not "determine"

AWARDS AWARDS AWARDS!











I'm sure you've discovered the Manson Family-like relationship that we horror bloggers all share. So There's a good chance that you've seen these images bouncing around from page to page. Well I was recently awarded some pretty cool things. Cortez the Killer of Planet of Terror has bestowed upon me the "Honest Scrap" award, and love of my life over in Monster Land has blessed me with the "Necronomicon Award for Outstanding Blogs of Horror". (if anyone else sent me this award and I missed it...I'm sorry and I love you)

So what do I do with these things? Well...it's like a chain mail, but heartfelt and not annoying :)

THE RULES:
1) Link back to the awarder's site-- Finito!
2) Pass the award on to 10 other blogger sites that are deserving
3) Spit out 10 honest things about yourself

Well I am passing these fab awards onto 10 fab horror blogs you should be reading.

The Vault of Horror: Did you really expect me to not nominate my partner in crime? B-Sol writes one of the most influential horror blogs on the Weird Wide Web. He's got a great voice and fabulous information. He gives a cornucopia of horror excitement with everything from reviews to news to raging vlogs and always a sprinkle of sarcasm for flavor.

The Lightning Bug's Lair: T.L. Bugg's fabulous blog is an ADD stricken horror addicts wet dream. There's so many different things to look and and vastly different topics to read about that you can seriously spend hours on it and have no idea where the time went.

Musings Across A Continuum: We all know that when it comes to girl power, I'm the Ginger Spice of the horror community. Ms. Harker...is the Posh to my Ginger. She brings to the female horror blogging community the thing that I wish I could. Class. She is a classy chick and her writing is 99.9% of the time absolutely enthralling. The other 1% is her "hush now" pictures that pop up.

I Love Horror: It takes guts to stand up for what you believe in. It takes balls to stand up for something when you know you're standing alone. Brad McHargue is a no nonsense writer that isn't afraid to not just bite the bullet...but to chew it up and spit it out as well. A passionate and intelligent writer of horror with an affinity for cute fluffy critters...Need I say more?

Freddy In Space: Probably one of the coolest guys out there, Johnny Squires gives a very entertaining look at all aspects of horror. Not to mention he's got another blog where you can...

Win Free Horror Shit....I'm down for that. Always.

WritRightWrote: Andrea Kirk is a newer blogger out there who intertwines opinion, sass, and my all too favorite way of writing like a teenager to let the world know how she feels about certain horror topics. Like not being on the True Blood bandwagon (since she doesn't have HBO) and she's also a damn good person to follow on twitter, she'll send you hilarious images like its her job.

HorrorSquad: So there are blogs ON the site, but I'm downright obsessed with this website. They've got news, dvd revies, trailers, storylines, and yes-the occassional blog. It's one of those websites that you can get lost for days on.

BuyZombie: Some people say Buy American...Stuart Conover wants you to Buy Zombie. A website/blog dedicated fully and intently to our undead friends and absolutely EVERYTHING related to the matter. Zombie reviews, zombie shirts, zombie cereal, zombie marriage counceling, I mean EVERYTHING.

Zombo's Closet of Horror: The Man, The Myth, The Legend. Zombo's Closet is by far the most essential blog a reader needs to have on their roll of things to read this week. Founder of the LoTT D and just overall awesome writer. Zombo's Closet attempts to bring to you not just horror films, but everything pertaining to the genre we love so much.

And then those pesky 10 things about me

  1. I know all the words to "It's The End of the World as We Know It" by R.E.M. and I can sing them as fast as he can.
  2. I'm absolutely petrified of catching Leprosy and avoid people with skin conditions in fear that it's leprosy. Even if it's just a bad case of acne.
  3. I went to nationals for Humerous Interpretation in speech team. HI is when you perform 8 minutes of a play by yourself, playing every character with different voices and body positions. Mine had 12. It was awesome.
  4. I have rituals for public places. I cover my non-eaten food with a napkin in resturaunts, and I can't use the toilet paper in a public restroom that has been exposed to the air. I will pull it in a full rotation three times, rip the paper, and THEN use the toilet paper exposed.
  5. My lower stomach is covered in scars and stretch marks from when I was a beached whale. I love them, I don't hide them. Some people think they're ugly, but I think that it shows how i've chaned, evolved, grown, but most importantly...LIVED.
  6. I have to turn the pop tabs on aluminum cans around or I'm afraid I'll cut my lip.
  7. I have NO problem talking about my accomplishments. We spend too much time in our newspapers talking about how awful things are. Why shouldn't we be proud of what we've done? The only people who have a problem with bragging are those who have nothing to brag about.
  8. My hands are the same size as my 8 year old cousin. Not because he's a freak of nature, but because my hands are carnie sized.
  9. I broke my entire face when I was 13. I was twirling outside, slipped when I was doing an aerial type movement, and caught all of my body weight on my face.
  10. In 8th grade i was awarded "Cheerleader of the Year" and I accepted the award amongst a sea of abercrombie pink dresses in a Hard Rock Cafe T-Shirt, a plaid skirt, and black combat boots.

Friday, August 14, 2009

TOP 10 MOST AWESOME GLASSES IN HORROR

So I have to get glasses (thank god, my vision is horrific) and I was looking for about 10 years to find that damn image from The Rage: Carrie 2 to put for my announcement of getting them. Which makes me think. A lot of people are really really uneasy with eye trauma, but we don't see nearly enough use of glasses by characters. I've compiled a list with the help of mentor/IDK my BFF B-Sol from The Vault of Horror. It wasn't an easy task, but by George, I think we've got it! So here is the Top 10 Most Awesome Glasses in Horror.

10) RAINN WILSON'S SPECS IN HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES
So before my fangirl crush on Rainn Wilson developed from his "I'll sit at Starbucks with a book I don't plan on reading, just so you'll take notice of my geek t-shirt and blazer by looking at the book I'm not really reading..." he was in Rob Zombie's debut film. He had some nice specs going on and it seemed the firefly family liked them glasses so much, they left them on his face when he became fish boy. Nice job.

09) ICHABOD CRANE'S TELESPECS IN SLEEPY HOLLOW
You know, back in my day we just used shitty 100 dollar telescopes from the science lab to examine stuff, but leave it to Tim Burton to have some crazy eye death trap. I don't know how the hell he examined anything with those on, I'd be more scared than little Ralphie's mom when she finds out her son is getting the Red Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock and a thing which tells time when it comes to eyes. But hey, you do what you gotta do.

08) BRAD MAJORS' ASSHOLE-VISION IN THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW
He can show me how a butterfly masturbates, kick a tire better than anyone I know, and beg for mommy in a way that makes 5 year olds after nap time envious. Those glasses are just absolutely essential to his shmucktasticness. Those glasses him make the Clark Kent of horror. Asshole by day, SUPER ASSHOLE by night. If you kids know your Rocky Horror the way I do, those glasses actually attribute to many a call out during the show.

07) SNIPES WEARS HIS SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT IN BLADE
Don't mess around with the guy in shades...oh no. Cause if you do, you'll get your ass beat. And by ass beat, I mean become a psuedo Batman character but instead of killing criminals to avenge the death of his parents, he's killing vampires to avenge the death of his mother. Regardless of who, what, where, why he's killing...you know damn well he's doing it with not only some brute force, but in style.

06) MAKE YOU SEE DEAD PEOPLE IN 13 GHOSTS
Normally glasses are supposed to protect you from things going into your eyes, but William Castle decides to just screw with you and go HA! Put these on baby, and WHAM! Ghosts...everywhere. It would be nice if putting on these glasses meant that you couldn't see the remake, but life isn't peachy keen like that. I would like to know who thought making the glasses look like that was a good idea? It's like one step below A Clockwork Orange.

05) IF I CAN'T SEE YOU, YOU CAN'T SEE ME MR. THE INVISIBLE MAN
Ironic that a man no one can see has to wear glasses. Here's a dude wrapped up in toilet paper, with some nice shades on. The jig is up dude. What's even better, is that they're totally chick shades! They're styled round, and not in the cool edgy Lennon/Warhol/Elton John way. More like a hip-hop Jackie O. Basically, J-Lo stole her style from Jack Griffin. Hmm...J-Griff...nah, doesn't really work that way.

04) FRIGGEN GEORGE A. ROMERO.
Okay, so I cheated. He's not a movie. However, he is a horror icon and it is impossible to think of the King of Zombies himself without thinking of these monsters. You know how obnoxious teenage girls driving to the mall with the top of their cars down while texting all wear those huge glasses? Yeah, stole that idea from this guy. He was so ahead of his time. Should have patented those fuckers. He'd make 4 times the amount of money Diary of the Dead did.

03) BIG BROTHER + INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS + 13 GHOSTS = THEY LIVE
This film is almost 90% centered around those friggen blind piano man glasses. The other 10% is that whole you know "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum" awesomeness. Who knew that sunglasses could help show you that aliens have taken over the world? Ray-Ban needs to get on that shit. ASAP.

02) A SHEET AND GLASSES? YEAH I'LL BONE YOU...HALLOWEEN
Probably one of the most iconic scenes from what the Cyber Horror Elite has listed as the Top Horror Film of All Time, includes a four eyed ghost! The Shape in the sheet is one of the most memorable scenes in the film, so much so that Zombie included it in his revamp of the classic and there's even the offical shape-in-the-sheet action figures.

01) REACH OUT AND TOUCH ME 3-D GLASSES
You know what G-Force, UP, Sharkboy and Lavagirl, STEP OFF. 3-D films may be nowadays a thing for the kiddies to get their kicks with, but know your roots mang. Horror films are what made 3-D the phenomenon that it is today. It just seems that more recently we've finally been going back to our roots and re-vamping the horror 3-D scene. We may have lost the flimsy cardboard and the blue/red lenses, but we know who started it all. Horror. Bow down, bitch.
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