Tuesday, December 1, 2009

TERRIBLE POSTER TUESDAY: JACK FROST 2

It's been a while since I actually blessed you with some sarcastic commentary all whilst ripping apart our favorite posters and box covers for those horror films we wish we hadn't seen, but have. Sometimes, we get really lucky and the film is actually halfway decent, but someone in PR is totally getting le-fired.

Let us begin with the body of this fine creature. If you zoom in closely, what seems to be shit on snow actually resembles FUR. That's right my friends, we aren't dealing with any ol' haunted Frosty, this is the hybrid bastard child of the abominable snowman, and that Frosty fella. Or he's just a big ball of feces with some snow sprinkled on top. Either way...

I would next like to point out the FAAAAABULOUS photoshopping job done on this. If I didn't know any better, you'd think they even built a snoman to take a picture of specifically for this poster! NOT. This is absolutely trecherous. The eyes look like they were copy/pasted from a LOLcat, the carrot looks like a sad attempt of 3-D, the lei wasn't done properly and you can see the shadow on one side of our friend here but not the other, and I'm pretty sure after they put the sunglasses on him-the designers kid played with paint and made it snow on them in the wrong direction. Who the Samhain looked at this and thought "that's right, I'm awesome". My 16 year old sister who can't work a camera and uses the computer only to fill her facebook fix could come up with something better than this in picnik. This is worse than remedial college Photoshop 101. By a landslide.

I'd also like to point out that its snowing in the background, but not where the snowman is standing.

Why is he smiling? I am not afraid of this thing in the slightest. I see a happy snowman who is unfortunately in desperate need of a dental plan. The poor guy can't help it. Honestly, if I didn't know any better, I'd think he was the mutant inbred snow cousin of Chain Chomp. If you're gonna give him the threatening teeth, at least give him the threatening eyebrows as well. I don't know what to even say about the Charles Manson inspired snowball. He at least looks a little more threatening with his angled eyes and all, but I can't help but believe he's just got a mad case of Napoleon Complex.

Lastly, the font. We know I HATE simple, plain, basic, stupid, font. Unless its done for a reason. This isn't making an artistic statement, this is showing lazyness. I get why they used red, but if they were smart...they'd have used christmas red, not stale cranberry sauce from Thanksgiving red. Just saying.

7 comment(s):

forestofthedead said...

The movie still rocks. Yep. And the first one too.

Emily said...

It is kind of a tragedy when you consider what a fantastic movie it's advertising. I mean, there are killer ice cubes AND adorably homicidal snowballs, yet neither makes the cover. Big missed opportunity.

Jess said...

I pass the 1st movie every time I go to Blockbuster, I think I should actually pick it up and watch it now

David said...

I hate Jack Frost 2, but I love the first one. The first one also has a pretty bad cover though. At least they did that cool hologram thing on it, so you could see his mouth open and close.

The sequel however is atrocious. It looks like it's shot on 16mm, which usually doesn't bother me. But it's such a clean 16mm print it looks like the episode of "Saved by the Bell" when the class went on vacation to Hawaii or something. Movie of the week FTW!

Sir Jorge said...

the movie can't be good, and the original was terrible, but the poster? I've seen worse

kfbrostowitz said...

Oh my god. That looks like something I made in art class in like 3rd grade.

Cheesemeister said...

This is the funniest thing I've seen in a while. Those movies crack me up too.

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