Thursday, December 24, 2009


Well, it's Christmas Eve (SCREW BEING PC) and everyone knows that this time of the year brings good tidings, good times, and *hopefully* good gifts! I don't know about all of you, but I'm spending my winter holiday season with my extended family which includes a 6 year old, a 5 year old, a 3 year old, and a new born. Do you have any idea what that means? TONS OF STUFFED ANIMALS. I'm not sure who's idea it was to give children excessive amounts of fuzzy cratures to line their beds with, but my family does NOT skimp out on the fluffed and stuffed animals. I will admit I have a stuffed animal or twelve that I've had since childhood, but more often than not, fuzzy creatures give me the willies. Here's a little summary of all the fuzzy creatures that freak me the french out.

These stupid things come with instructions. Do you know what happens if you break the rules? Oh yeah, they turn into these psychotic creatures that wear sunglasses and terrorize your neighborhood. I'm on to you Gizmo, I know your tricks.

You know as well as I do that the craziest and creepiest thing in TWOZ next to those damn trees or the Wicked Witch herself, are her flying monkey friends. They shriek, they wail, they kidnap you, and they carry you throughout the sky. Screw them. Screw them hard.

Did you ever get the feeling that your toys may possibly be telling you to kill people in your sleep? Did you ever get the feeling that your doll was watching you at all times? Did you ever get the feeling that your teddy bear may in fact be out to get you? Then I guarantee you never owned a Teddy Ruxpin...

I know, I'm going against everything that his holy by saying the Cheshire Cat freaks me out. It's not necessarily the cat himself, but the Disney adaptation. I saw Alice when I was very very little and I remember his smile being the only thing seen and freaking my brains out. I learned to LOVE him very very much, but as for BJ-C age 4? Not so much.

Age: 3 and a half. Time: 3:22 AM. Ingested: Much too much sugar for anyone under the age of 18. First sight upon waking: THAT PICTURE. Now tell me, wouldn't you freak out too?

3 comment(s):

Andre Dumas said...

I am watching Return of the Jedi as we speak and I decided- not to be racist or anything but the black Ewoks are really scary to me and the black and white striped ones too.

Also you've reminded me of a really scary scene in Look Who's Talking Too when Mikey's toys come alive....oh man I am so writing a post about that.

Pax Romano said...

My Dad saw TWOZ when it first came out, he was almost eight years old at the time. He tells how he had numerous nightmares about those "damn flying monkeys" as he calls them.

As for the Gremlins, I'd love to have a real Gizmo for a pet.

Unknown said...

Yes! Finally someone else who knows what Teddy Ruxbin was up to! Somewhere down the line I had one that lost his bottom jaw, so this little piece of plastic just moved up and down when he talked... when his eyelids got stuck and he stared into your soul and talked with that horrifying jaw I knew it was time to bury him in the closet... or the backyard, whatever. There were times when I had to force myself to check the battery compartment, just in case. Picturing that deformed teddy face and imagining the tape malfuctioning- that's enough to give me nightmares even at this age, almost 20 years later.

Related Posts with Thumbnails