Monday, November 30, 2009

Why Zombie Sex Is Thought Of As So Bad But It Is Oh So GOOD

Hey there Womanizers, BJ-C here bringing you a guest post I've been DYING to put up on DotW for a while now. We have all been bombarded with the sexual nature of the vampire for centuries, but no one has really tapped into the sexual nature of my favorite monsters...ZOMBIES. I had full intent on writing this post myself, but I thought that this was a very important subject and the only person I'd rather have write it would be Stuart Conover of

For years people have enjoyed a little danger in their sex. From B&D to S&M people just love to add kink to their playtime. With the zombie outbreak though there is a new height in danger that people are lining up around the block to try. While taboo, currently illegal, and in many instances just downright wrong this is a new fetish that is sweeping the nation. When it gets down to it though, just like every other fetish is it really wrong? I mean everyone loves a good nibble now and then and what's more exciting then a nibble that can have rather harsh side effects? People want something new to fill their lives, and the passion for danger can be overwhelming.

Now I'll just put it out there right now to get out of the way. The biggest problem quite a few people have with the thought of sleeping with zombies is necrophilia. Necrophilia is a sexual attraction for or sexual intercourse with dead bodies. Now let's think about that for a second. When is the last time you've seen something truly dead get back up and try to bite you? Zombies are considered the 'undead' for a reason. While they aren't quite to be counted among the living anymore, they also are no longer part of the dead.

Past the danger fetishes there are so many bonuses to zombie sex that should be focused on! - Regardless of the gender the undead are never 'not' in the mood. For those who prefer females in their lives you are easily able to just add lube and be set to go. Some might argue that that can add up but you know what they say, "blood makes a great lubricant!" Lovers of male though don't have to be left out either. What you have to remember is that when the body dies rigor mortis kicks in. Always able to please! - A benefit to society is that there is a high likelihood that the advancement of sex zombies in the home would decrease prostitution! Yes it would actually be helping society by removing this age old 'profession' that never has been quite legal, aside from right outside of Vegas. - On a moral high ground it also would never technically be cheating. You can't cheat on the person you love with something that is not technically alive- it would be more like masturbation with a sex doll! - Another bonus is for those of you who like to have verbal encouragement that they are doing the right thing? Well clearly moaning coming from a zombie will never be a problem to let you live out that part of your fantasy.

Zombie Sex In The Media Portrays It as Sex Slaves:

Media of course always shows off the worst of what can happen in any given situation. There are two examples of what can happen as expressed by media in general. The first is a rather dark idea reveling in the worst of human nature while the second seems more along the lines of what would become standard in the twisted minds found within the United States.

So to start with we'll go over what the worst case scenario would be. Someone so addicted to violence that they take the undead to use for their darkest perversions. While one can at least be happy this is being done to the undead and not someone living what is portrayed in Colin is darker then what anyone even half way normal could enjoy. A collection of slaves being mutilated to fulfill a fantasy of the most demented mind being used as a human canvas and most likely for sexual release. Demented? Yes. Again at least it's not being done to the living.

Now the more realistic approach is what is done within the confines of the film Fido. Zombies being used as slaves and in a certain case as a sexual one. Another level of the perversions that lie in the back of so many minds. Not just the newly found love of the undead but you mix in a
splash of B&D for good measure just to seal the deal.

A Little Imagery To Feed Your Appetite:

Some may argue that once undead there is no longer any physical attraction that can be had. As some one who is a strong believer that eye candy makes up a good portion of the experience (I am a very visual person,) I'm going to have to disagree with this thought. Think I'm wrong? I ask you to take a quick viewing at the following and tell me that you are going to really argue that.

An Undead Public Service Announcement:

While the idea of being able to have free reign sex whenever you want is clearly something that is appealing to both sexes without even having to worry about birth control- there ARE two issues that you need to keep in mind. The first of which is that the zombification process does not remove all STD's from the system. While it will kill off the vast majority of viral STD's, bacterial based ones can take weeks or months to die off. The second, and probably more major of a concern is of course that the transfer of bodily fluids can lead to the communication of the Zombie virus. Unless you plan on becoming one of the infected we HIGHLY suggest using protection in engaging in sexual activities with one of the undead.

On a side note, again for your own safety it is highly recommended to not attempt to have oral sex with the undead. This should be painfully obvious but the whole biting factor just makes it all in all a bad idea.

6 comment(s):

Chuck Conry said...

The Zombie Survival Guide clearly states that intercourse with a Zombie is a good way to be infected by one and become on yourself!..But I guess that beats the hell out of being bitten.

B-Sol said...

Nice work Stu! And a fine picture selection from BJ-C. Speaking of the Zombie Survival Guide, this really should be added as an appendix...

Mr. Johnny Sandman said...

This was priceless!!!! One of the best reads I had!! LOL Stu!!

oducerproducer said...

As a person had a sign at the zombie walk few weeks ago, 'It's Not Necrophilia If We're Both Dead'

Dieter said...

I guess this gives Rigor Mortis a new meaning...

Stuart Conover said...

@Chuck That would be why there is public service announcement at the bottom ;)

@B-Sol Thanks! Always appreciate feedback from someone who knows horror ;)

@Rick *laughs* Glad you liked

@oducerproducer Well it was a live on undead post.. but that is a very valid point ;)

@Dieter I couldn't decide if I should cringe or laugh writnig that line ;)

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