Friday, November 6, 2009

THE HORROR MEN I WISH I COULD SINK MY TEETH INTO

This weekend I will be reunited with my "Hell Queens" and will be singing at a beauty pageant for intermission :). Since this weekend will be filled with absolutely nothing more than cliche femininity, I figured a 19 year old cliche and girly post was in order. We already know that I gush constantly about oh so beautiful horror women, but I never really show off the eye candy the horror genre has given me to gawk at when I should be concentrating more on being scared. So screw it, here's my crush list of horror men.


CHRISTIAN BALE AS PATRICK BATEMAN IN AMERICAN PSYCHO
Alright, let's be honest. If you had the opportunity to bone THAT body but the only problem was that you were gonna die afterward by falling chainsaw...you'd actually have to think about it. I'll take the chainsaw, because then I know for sure my last moments were fabulous. Grawr.


RUPERT EVERETT AS FRANSICO DELLAMORTE IN
CEMETERY MAN/DELLAMORTE DELLAMORE
*sigh* All the good ones are gay. That's really all that needs to be said. He got to bone Anna Falchi, he's witty, he's sexy, he's half naked, and he'll save you from zombies...how could you not want him?! Oh yeah, if you have a vagina...he probably doesn't want you.

ELI ROTH
Nothing wins my heart more than having mad horror chops. Well, this guy makes horror films...and he's one sexy jewish man. In high school, all my horror companions were the awkward kids who couldn't get prom dates....LOOK AT HIM!! He's absolutely gorgeous. Not. Even. Fair.
PAUL SOLET
Those bright eyes, that scruffy face, those tattooed arms, that brilliant film making, the fact he replied to my facebook messages *sigh* yeah just read what I wrote for Eli and you get the jist of it ;)
JOHN TRAVOLTA AS BILLY NOLAN IN CARRIE
Alright, I've had a mad fangirl crush on John Travolta ever since I saw Grease when I was like 3 and a half, but when I saw him in Carrie...that hair just won me over. There's something so sexy about the jerk guy in high school that has the way to woo every single girl who walks in the room... *drools*

KEIFER SUTHERLAND AS DAVID IN THE LOST BOYS
Dear Edward Cullen, take your sparkly, pale, caterpillar browed, lack of fangs "vampire" self and take a few notes here from David. I don't care what your little Twi-Hards think....THIS is what the epitome of a vampire sex icon should look like. Kick Rocks. Love, BJ-C.
VINCENT PRICE AS WHOEVER HE PLAYS IN WHATEVER FILM HE'S IN
You gotta admit. Uncle Vinny is one hell of a good looking man. He's got that Fairuza Balk thing where you can't determine whether or not they're super sexy, or super scary. It's a good thing.
MALCOM MCDOWELL AS ALEX IN A CLOCKWORK ORANGE
Don't judge me, I'm not attracted to the character, I'm attracted to the actor....I think.
BRUCE CAMPBELL AS ASHLEY J. WILLIAMS IN THE EVIL DEAD SERIES
Honestly, if you must ask...you should leave my blog. Now....I need alone time with Bruce ;)

6 comment(s):

Gore-Gore Girl said...

I'll take 'em all except Eli Fucking Roth, and that Solet guy. And I submit Jamie Gillis in Dracula Exotica, and Crispin "Yum-Yum" Glover from all manner of horror movies.

Pax Romano said...

I hear that Solet has taken out a restraining order on a certain unnamed co-ed from the Midwest. ;)

B-Sol said...

You really hit on something with the Fairuza Balk scary/hot thing. So true. And I'm with Pax on the Solet issue--you do know he most likely reads your blog, don't you?? hahaha

Rach555 said...

I'm with you on Solet and Roth (could probably have worded that better, but meh). They provide us with horror and hotness. Can't ask for much else really.

rylestheryter said...

i agree with every single one of your choices. i want to have Eli Roth's baby, then devour the fetus because he'd dig it. Solet might be interested as well.

Spike Ghost said...

Pretty good choices :P
and i will have to add Kris Lemche from Ginger Snaps and Final Destination 3 and Thomas Dekker from All About Evil, A Nightmare on Elm Street remake and another movie i don't remember the title.

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