Sunday, October 25, 2009

THE TOP 11 SICKEST FLICKS (literally)


As you know I was hospitalized this weekend, which is code for "I've been living on my futon, living off of soup, and watching excessive amounts of horror films". So it got me thinking, being sick and feeling like death is the WORST feeling in the entire world, there must be about a bazillion horror films that have to do with sickness/virus/bacteria/epidemics. Aaaand. I was right. So I've compiled a deathbed inspired list of the Top 11 Sickest Horror Flicks(literally)!

11) SPLINTER
I hate skin eating viruses/parasites of any form. I have a super huge phobia of catching leprosy (I know how insane that sounds because this isn't Jesus time) so anytime there is a film with things under the skin, I just get all squirmy and stuff. Splinter tells a story of this gross parasitic creature that attacks the warmest thing it can find and just makes me feel super uneasy to watch. The tagline "It will get under your skin" rings oh so true. Just seeing the little splintery vermin underneath the bodies freaks me out like there is no tomorrow. This is like half a step behind eye-trauma as my least favorite thing to watch in horror films.


10) DOOMSDAY
Even without the whole virus idea of it, this film is a hell of a lot of fun. However we're not looking to review, we're looking to do as Disturbed so angrily said and GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS! Basically there's this thing called the Reaper Virus and it wreaks havoc all around everywhere. It's a post-apocolyptic film with some killer kills that aren't even associated with the virus. There's a hell of a lot of infection and just a ton of awesome sauce all around.

09) OUTBREAK
Okay, so it's not a horror film per say...but my blog, my rules! I seriously hope the government watches this film with this H1N1 bull going on. Outbreak shows the outcome of spreading an Ebola-likecrazy virus called Metoba(way to go McDreamy...) This is one of the first films that raised the question what the hell would the government do if there ever was an outbreak? It's a pretty damn realistic film and makes me really want to carry around Germ-X or Purel.


08) REPO! The Genetic Opera
Organ Failure Epidemics, addictions to Zydrate, dead bodies, Sarah Brightman, and MUSICAL THEATRE *jazz hands*. Repo! The Genetic Opera is a pretty nifty rock opera that explores our futuristic world where people rely on excessive amounts of surgeries to survive and because of this need for constant surgery, people become addicted to it. Not to mention the main character, Shilo is dying from some unseen disease that turns out to be man made. This film is chock full of illness and the musical numbers just make it all the better.

07) CABIN FEVER
Again with the flesh eating viruses. Eli Roth...you are a torturing, sick man...and I LOVE it. It's absolutely impossible to hear the word "Cabin Fever" and not instinctively think of the blonde chick without lips, or the almost-too-hard-to-watch shaving off skin scene in the bathtub. I can't handle skin disorder flicks and Cabin Fever seriously kicks my ass everytime its on. I can't help it, everyone's gotta have a weakness right?

06) [REC]
It's not the only movie to treat zombies like a biological disease, but it definitely deals with it the most realistically. What was being treated as a virus that caused demonic possession, it turned out that this virus was basically a zombie outbreak. I can honestly say, that if a real zombie outbreak ever happened, it would probably be more like REC than any other zombie movie....Which scares the living crap out of me.

05) THE STAND (mini-series)
Oh Stephen King you screwed up bastard. You gave us men who lost their mind, houses that ate people, telekinetic killer teens, cars that drive without people in them, a jacked up dog, the reason people are afraid of clowns...and then THIS. The story tells of humanity being infected with a superflu named "Captain Trips". We follow a group of survivors that don't have much in common other than the fact they're all still uninfected.

4) RESIDENT EVIL
I'm not going to lie, the T-Virus scares the living hell out of me. What was created as something to actually do good for humanity, was abused and mutated into this whole "resurrect dead bodies and create super freaky dogs and weird lickers" thing. One of the many virus inspired zombie flicks, this one shows how quickly we can be infected, and how quickly that infection can mutate into terror.

03) HOUSE OF USHER
Disease.
Makes.
You.
Look.
Dead.
Written.
By.
Poe.
Starring.
Vincent.
Fucking.
Price.
Any Questions?


02) 28 DAYS/WEEKS LATER
if [REC] is the most realistic film as far as "zombie" outbreaks are concerned, these films are a pretty damn close second. I use the word "zombie" loosely because I know these infected aren't the undead, they're just infected. But once again my blog, my rules...I'll call them whatever the hell I feel like. The look in the eyes of these infected people scare the daylights out of me because I truly believe that we will look like that if we are ever plagued with zombieness or something. The Rage Virus=horrifying.


01) OMEGA MAN, I AM LEGEND, THE LAST MAN ON EARTH ETC.
The viral infection film that started it all! Humanity is has been destroyed as we've all been infected and wiped the french out. Though the novel has been changed in all three of the film adaptations, the heart is still the same. One man is found to be immune to the infection and is the last man standing. Scary to think that one of us out there is bound to be the one immune soul and that these films represent our fate...lord. I need to start working out just in case.

5 comment(s):

B-Sol said...

I have a feeling we'll be seeing this little subgenre expand in our current mega-germaphobic climate. And Cabin Fever rocks, I don't care how many people disagree with me (and there are a lot).

Andre said...

I frickin love Outbreak. Damn that Patrick Dempsey and his habit of bringing diseased monkeys into this country!!!

Chuck Conry said...

Cabin Fever has always been a favorite of mine

Pancakes!!

Lily Strange said...

What a great list! Maybe I need to renew my Netflix account. My computer still doesn't have sound but maybe when my son gets back he can hook his xbox up again and we can watch them on that.
I hope you are doing better. I've been worried about you. Did they test you for flu and/or pneumonia?

shu said...

I really enjoyed Cabin Fever and its one of my favs! I sort of got bored with The Stand mini-series, though. Just borrowed it from a friend and gave up after only two hours. Felt it was some major weak-sauce, to steal a line from Stu!

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