Friday, October 30, 2009

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM HOSPITAL BEDS AND AMC MOVIE MARATHONS

Well Howwwwdy Womanizers. I am proud to say that I am back in the dorm room and fully functional once again. I will say that during my stint in the infirmary, I was blessed with no DVD player, but cable TV. HOWEVER, (this is a big however...hence the caps lock) I dropped the remote the day I got there, and my happy self was NOT getting up to get it. So I was stuck watching AMC's movie marathons all week. This isn't a bad thing to say the least, but it isn't a very good thing either. If you haven't been watching at home, they've had a pretty decent lineup, HOWEVER (there's that pesky caps locked however again) they've been repeating films like its their job. It probably is someone's job...but that's beside the point! I have watched Thir13en Ghosts a total of four times this week, Bride of Chucky twice, The Shining three times, The House on Haunted Hill twice, Halloween 4 twice, and Halloween 5 twice. Thank god I fell asleep the rest of the hours of the day so I wasn't to be burdened with things like End of Days...I somehow managed to get a nurse to bring me the remote and I also watched the entire Final Destination series on SyFy or some other channel excluding the 3-D shit storm...anywho, I've picked up a few things from watching these movies so many times, enough to make a little grocery list!

1) The Grady girls in The Shining aren't twins(in the movie)! I don't know how long it freaking took me to realize this or how many times I've watched these films, but they're 8 and 10. Last I checked, you can't hold a fetus in yo belly for 2 years if the twin sister has been born. Yeah, I'm a little late catching the Grady sister train but hey, these things happen.

2) The Grady girls are much more terrifying in the cafeteria type area in the hotel than they are slaughtered in the hallway...but that's just my opinion man.

3) Katherine Heigl is embarrassed and hates noting that she was the star of Knocked Up...and yet she doesn't ever talk about her regretful decision to play Jade in Bride of Chucky. Weird. Hilarious blockbuster comedy or absolutely ridiculously shitty horror film that is the joke end of the franchise...hmm...someone's got their priorities a little jacked.

4) Jennifer Tilly was an Academy Award nominee....Jesus H. Christ.

5) Thir13en Ghosts had so much potential to be absolutely horrifying. The Jackal and the Juggernaut are freaking scary ass mofos. Not to mention the Torso freaks me out as well as the (not nearly shown enough) Bound Woman. I will say that I got a little sick of the overly dramatic Angry Princess and her emo wrist cutting antics, but Christ that film could have been so freaking scary...and its not.

6) Is it really necessary for every 90's horror film to have a token African-American to make stupid ass comedic relief jokes? ITS A HORROR MOVIE, I DON'T NEED YOUR ONE LINER'S RAH DIGGA!

7) How in God's name could the dude who plays Monk ever procreate and create Shannon Elizabeth...

8) Damn my childhood for still making me shit a brick when House on Haunted Hill comes on and Price is put in that room a ma jigger. I get 9 years old all over again. That film may have scarred me for life. I am not ashamed to admit that. I was born in 1990. Throw me a friggen bone. This film is the reason I love old horror, without it...I never would have researched Vincent Price. Don't mock me. Bitch.

9) Jeffery Combs can do no wrong. Even in what is seen as a very very shitty film, he's still freaking awesome. I bow to you my friend. I bow to you. *bows*

10) I take it back. House on Haunted Hill isn't THAT bad. I'll admit the darkness nonsense is well...nonsense, but the hallucinations and the kills are pretty freaking weird and messed up...okay so the film is that bad. I can't help but defend my gateway film!

11) How heavy do those earrings Tina rocks in Halloween 5 look? They're like legit locks dangling off her lobes. Owwwwww.

12) Since when does Michael Myers know how to drive? Seriously, when the hell did he get time to learn to drive without doing that awkward stop start thing that all kids just learning to drive do? He should be winning money at the arcade, then he can hire someone to find Laurie for him and save himself the trouble.

Until next time my darlings....
Peace, Love, & Brains

7 comment(s):

Lily Strange said...

I've been snowed in and watching the same movies. I still haven't had time to take my computer to the tech to figure out why I have no sound, and I don't have a working DVD player. So AMC it is!

Andre said...

Oh My God I never knew they were twins either! This explains so much...in those dead zone commercials the homage to The Shining one, the boys in it have like 5 inches of height difference and it made me SO MAD. But now I suppose it's passable.

House on Haunted Hill did scare me as well as a wee one. Especially the part where the girl is filming and sees the ghost doctor and nurses..and then they all slowly turn their heads and look at her....ahhhh ghost doctors.

CSY said...

Oh, my dear - I LOVE House on Haunted Hill...yes, I'm a freak! I have yet to see the original with Vincent Price, but I'm working on it! Is it too freaky to admit I had a crush on him? I LOVE his laugh in Thriller....Have a GREAT weekend and don't for get to put up the pics of you in full Ash costume!

CSY said...

P.S. Dr. Loomis asked the SAME question in the first Halloween...we're getting scary movies for our boy spawn to watch tomorrow night...I hope I don't scar my children for life or give them the idea that serial killer is a good occupation to have...

danielle said...

hey, it's okay, House on Haunted Hill scared the be-Jesus out of me when I was 9 too. =]

And, it's especially that one scene you mentioned with Rush's character in the spinny room thing. ha.

inkman said...

Great post. I'm always a little disappointed by AMC's marathon too. The selection leaves me a bit underwhelmed.

I didn't remember that the Grady girls weren't twins until I reread the book this summer. And you're right - they're much scarier when they're ominously staring at you.

As for Myers'driving, I always thought that was a little strange but if you'll remember, he drives in the first film as well. He steals the nurse's car and takes off to Haddonfield. One of the other doctors asks Loomis how he learned and he replies "Maybe someone around here gave him lessons!"

Patrick said...

I quite enjoy Thir13en Ghosts, House on Haunted Hill, Bride of Chucky, and The Shining, the entire Final Destination series, and Halloween 4 & 5 are two of my all time favorite movies...that said I would not want to be forced to watch these on repeat edited on AMC and SYFY.


Oh and great post and blog. :)

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