Monday, October 19, 2009

Random Ramblings from the Mistress of Macabre

Yeah, I'm not even going to act like I'm not ripping off The Vault of Horror right now, cause I totally am. B-Sol gave me permission though, so I don't care. Basically, what this is for is for me to have an excuse to ramble about random horror schtuff that's on my mind. Got it? Good, great, grand, wonderful, NO YELLING ON THE BUS!

1) Since when did it become a prerequisite to make horror films to be mindblowingly hot? Paging Eli Roth and Paul Solet....WHY AREN'T YOU ON TOP OF ME?! I mean, if a guy loves horror it's almost a guarantee that I'll be attracted to them. BUT THEN YOU MAKE THEM ATTRACTIVE?! Yeah...instantly in love. Even Rob Rodriguez is looking foxy these days and now that Rose McGowan and him are on the rocks... I seriously think God is just trying to torture me. In fact, I'm almost positive he is trying to torture me. Goodness gracious great balls of fire, Batman...

2) How much does it suck to be Kelly Rowland-the other girl from Destiny's Child that isn't Beyonce? I mean Beyonce gets nominated for all these awards, has apparently the best music video of all time (Thanks Kanye) and a starring role in Dreamgirls. Kelly Rowland gets a shitty single release and gets tossed into Freddy Vs. Jason. Ouch man. Ouch. I mean, even Tyra recovered and now is a serious mogul, I guess you can't have it all. Could be worse though, could be Michelle Williams aka the Shemp of Destiny's Child.

3) Speaking of FvJ...WHEN ARE THESE HORROR ACTRESSES GOING TO REALIZE RUNNING BACKWARDS=RUNNING INTO THE KILLER?! Scream never touched on that one. They should have, that rule is broken more than Lil' Wayne's condoms.

4) HOW FREAKING TERRIFYING WAS IT TO HEAR CATHERINE O'HARA THREATEN TO EAT MAX IN WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE?! I know people were distracted by Gandolfini's voice...but knowing the same redheaded woman that has the most recognizable yelling of the name Kevin in the history of cinema threatening to eat a 9 year old boy...haunts my nightmares. I think it's the teeth on Judith monster. I was seriously in hyper-freakout mode.

5) Has anyone ever realized how terrifying the film Willow is? Yes, the film with all the midgets.

6) Let's say I was Jigsaw. If I were to insert a box of Twinkies inside Nada's stomach and a pack of bubblegum inside Tallahassee...who would be victorious? I really can't decide. I could see Tallahassee pulling out some crazy stuff to get to them, but I could see Nada just blowing Tallahassee away...God, the epicness of that battle...

7) I literally cried when I realized I couldn't go to Flashback Weekend in Chicago.

4 comment(s):

Rach555 said...

I thought I was the only one totally in love with Eli Roth! I was starting to feel a little... odd.
Nice to know I'm not the only one :)

Stuart Conover said...

Just because I know your safely too far across the state to attempt to stab me.. let me just say..

I so can't wait for it to be Friday.. where I'm off and on my way over to Flashback Weekend.

Unknown said...

Can I join in the Eli/Rob love? Yeah!

Don't feel bad for Kelly Rowland, she seems to be doing alright in the UK, a few dance mixes of her singles gave her some hits & I think she even won a music award recently......although....wasn't she in 'I know What You Did.....2' ?

Andre Dumas said...

Okay bitches hands off Eli is MINE..... mwahah jk

This is an amazing post ripped off or not. It WAS insanely terrifying to hear Mrs. McCallister threaten to eat Max! And when Carol ripped off Douglas' arm....egads! (was that sand that seeped from his wounds?)

Also midgets will always terrify me no matter what the context, apologies to Roloffs.

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