Saturday, September 12, 2009

Why I'm afraid of Clowns

Today's post is inspired by two of my favorite things in the whole wide world. The first is the photography skills of Joshua Hoffine, google his images ASAP; I promise you won't be disappointed. The second thing is the fabulous Kindertrauma website. They feature things called "Traumafessions" where someone writes about a certain topic that completely scared them sheetless. I've been inspired to do something to the same effect. I've actually gotten a couple people who have asked me why I haven't ever shared my phobia of clowns on the blog, so I figured I'd let you hear my terror story. Funniest part, is that the girl who was introduced to IT at the age of 4 wasn't afraid of clowns after that. It's something much creepier.
When I was about 08 years old or so, my friend had a birthday party. Her parents were very wealthy and she was allowed to have absolutely anything and everything. Titanic had just come out on VHS and her parents double checked with the rest of our parents so that we could all watch the film. After all of our parents had left us for our little sleepover, the girl dropped a huge bomb on us. In her backyard there was a Pinata, a ton of music, a cake that whomps the one my parents had at their wedding, and a set of 5 clowns. Each clown had a different purpose for the party. One made balloon hats/animals, one juggled different things, one painted faces, and the other two did acrobatic stunts to impress us all. I was having the absolute time of my life outside having tons of fun with my friends and these very impressive clowns. After our party was over with, we went inside and the clowns began packing up their supplies. I had noticed that I left my juice cup outside (my name was on it in glittery marker, I was NOT leaving that behind). The girl's parents allowed me to go outside to get it as long as I didn't disturb the clowns packing up. I walked outside to grab my cup when I could hear crying in the garage.
Being an 8 year old, I obviously needed to check out the crying as it could have been a lost puppy that I would beg my parents to keep and instead they'd return it to the pound...anyway. I peeked my head around the garage when I saw the balloon morphing clown laying on her stomach while one of the acrobatic clowns was ramming himself into her. I'd later realize that he was totally boning her, but she was NOT okay with this. The acrobatic clown saw me standing there and quickly ran towards me. I screamed in terror and ran the five blocks all the way home. I left my juice cup and my sleepover stuff at her house. Turns out the two clowns got off on doing it at kid's parties and he was running after me to explain to me what was going on. It doesn't matter, that image of the crying clown and the angry ramming has scarred me so indefinitely that I get hardcore anxiety whenever I'm around one. Perfect example of this anxiety was when I was 13. I was the Junior Miss queen of my town and we were having a Halloween party at the community center. I was in charge of taking care of my Tiny Miss who was only 3 and a half years old. We walked together hand in hand as Glinda the Good Witch and The Wicked Witch of the West and mingled with the children in our community. That's when my Tiny saw what I had been avoiding the entire night. A balloon making clown and one who was painting faces. She started running towards them and I began uncontrollably screaming. I let go of her hand and took of sprinting in the other direction. I spent the rest of the party balled up in a corner in the fetal position crying.

So needless to say, when I did my post a few weeks back about how I saw a clown on a moped for no reason and it freaked me you know why.


10 comment(s):

Unknown said...

What the fuck?!?! That is a terrible about clowning around!!

That would most definitely cause me some clown trauma too, so I don't blame you at all. I do wonder, since clowns have such big shoes, does that mean that they have big "balloon animals?"

Also, Hoffine's stuff is very cool, and when Titanic came out on VHS, I was like 20, so now I feel wicked old!

Mr. Fiendish said...

I think I'm gonna steal this for a movie someday

Unknown said...

Ahhhh! I hate clowns too!
Back in 1988 I was working at a nursing home and they brought in clowns to entertain the people. But some of them seemed more scared than entertained. One woman, whom I usually was a bit scared to deal with because she had Alzheimer's and was strong and tended to get violent, was visibly terrified. She couldn't express herself verbally. I approached her and said "Annie, would you like to go back to your room with me?" She took my hand and I walked her back to her room. Seriously, the look on that poor woman's face was one of abject terror!

Rob Talbot said...

Witnessing clown rape at 8? Jesus! :/

BJ Colangelo said...

@Matt-You're not old, I'm just a baby.
@Mr. Fiendish-DO IT. I will show the world :)
@Lily-I think that's going to be me some day
@TgTyrant-Well it turns out it wasn't rape, but still. Who does that?!

: said...

I'm scared of clowns too.

But I can't imagine how much worse it would be if I had suffered such a traumatic experience as yourself . . . my GOD!


The Curious Cat said...

yikes - its like a f%cked up version of the LP Hartley's the Go-Between...poor, poor you! Definitely understand now why you got freaked out!!! xxx

The Curious Cat said...

PS Those photos - oh my! Is it wrong to like them?!

CWL said...

Just found your blog today and, wow, I saw Joshua Hoffine's presentation at Scarefest just last weekend! His stuff is tremendously disturbing. I can't wait to have children and put tarantulas on them!

Great clown story, too. I'm a sucker for any clown debauchery, so...sorry it happened, but when Rob Zombie inevitably remakes SHAKES THE CLOWN, perhaps you can pitch it and get a co-writing credit? And use your fortune? For clown therapy?

scary clowns said...

i love scary clowns ! for me it a better stage than zombies :) clowns really have dark sides.

Related Posts with Thumbnails