MILD SPOILER ALERT!!!!
LETS START WITH THINGS I LIKE!
- Dear Sheriff Brackett, ADOPT ME. Not only are you a super caring father, but you're willing to bring home delicious pizza, kill the boogeyman, and be the best character this movie had.
- HOLY AWESOME OPENING SCENE BATMAN. The hospital scene was brilliant. Absolutely bloody brilliant. I honestly think this scene alone saved the whole movie from destruction. It was fabulous. The operating, the killing, the running with the gimp leg, AMAAAAZING.
- I'm a bit of a gorehound, so you know what...death by antlers on a car is pretty bad ass in my book. Same with the American History X looking face stomp
- I'm glad Zombie didn't try to be something he's not. He made an exploitation film, it tributed to the 70's, and it was exactly what I expected him to do. I'm glad he didn't try to make it all Carpenter/Hill-like. Kudos.
- It's beautifully shot. The camera angles are wonderful and it is very good quality film making
- I am obsessed with that trick or treater in the clown costume. I'm adopting him.
- I like that Laurie is losing her marbles. I think they overplayed it, but the original Laurie wasn't destroyed enough for me. It always bothered me how she was over the situation so well. I'd be completely JACKED. Note: this doesn't mean I liked the character, hold your horses.
- Oh yeah, and that Rocky Horror Picture Show thing....LOVE IT.
THINGS I COULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT
- Rob Zombie, you're not a fashion icon...get rid of the dreadlocks out of all of your female characters. They all look homeless and stuff.
- I highly doubt Sheriff Brackett would allow "Clean your side bitch" spray painted on his walls in the bathroom
- As much as I understand why Laurie is outed in a book, that stuff is illegal, and if the character of Loomis is going to remain the character of Loomis that he made...he would be up on that.
- STOP REFERRING TO DR. FRANKENFURTER AS BEING A CHICK DRESSED LIKE A GUY WANTING TO BE A CHICK
- The repetition of "fuck" about 81922349234 times in that opening crash...not necessary.
- How long was the music video in the hospital scene? I mean she went out of her room, visited Annie, got caught by the nurse, stumbled back to her room, watched Michael kill a nurse, stumbled down 8 flights of stairs, went outside, hid under a desk, ran outside, met Buddy, screamed for Buddy, was attacked, and it's STILL PLAYING!?
- Weird Al? Come on Zombie, you can get a better cameo than that.
- The best scene of the film was a total cocktease. A dream? Really? What is this, Dallas?!
- I don't like Daeg's replacement. I understand why they had to recast him, but this kid just looked like he needed some sleep and a hairbrush.
THINGS I WANTED TO TANYA HARDING IN THE SHIN
- DR. FREAKING LOOMIS. What happened to you? I know he wanted to change the character, but he served absolutely NO purpose to the film. Loomis would NEVER believe Michael Myers is dead, Loomis would NEVER try to profit off of the tragedy, and Loomis would NEVER buy a jacket other than that Member's Only version of Sherlock Holmes. Get the hell out of here. I hated the character, I almost threw up every time he opened his damn mouth.
- Why is Michael Myers making noise? WHY!? That is NOT Michael Myers. There are little itty bitty things that you shouldn't think of touching, that's one of them.
- Since when is this Friday the 13th?
- Laurie Strode is a whiny brat. I wanted her to die.
- There wasn't nearly enough Annie Brackett.
- Did Michael Myers rape Annie? She was naked when they found her body and his mom told him to "Have Some Fun" before he killed her. So confused and disturbed.
- Why does every setting look like the leftover props from Devils Rejects/House of 1000 Corpses?
- Why does every character look homeless?
- Why are the hallucinations very Snow White/Alice in Wonderland inspired?
- WHY IS SHERI MOON ZOMBIE EVEN EXISITING IN THIS DAMN FILM. She ruined it for me. Every single time she came on screen I lost focus and laughed. She killed it, she really did, and this is coming from someone who LOVES her work.
In conclusion, it wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great either.