Tuesday, August 4, 2009

TERRIBLE POSTER TUESDAY

I know, I'm a huge slacker and today isn't Tuesday, but that doesn't mean I'm going to miss out on my opportunity to completely DESTROY a god-awful movie poster. The salon I work at is closing so I actually have to do the citizen thing and earn my keep around this place. Afterwards I hit up a DrManhattan show. If you're into really ridiculously awesome/crazy bands...look them up. Don't take them seriously, and you'll fall in love...This doesn't mean you won't be getting your WotW fix either, I promise, she will come. Along with another article :).

BUT ON TO THE RIPPING APART.

When I saw the trailer for The Haunting In Connecticut, I was not only excited that they were inspired by an episode of A Haunting from Discovery Channel, but that this plasma thing looked really really stellar. However, this plasma thing was also moving and apparently at a rave from all the strobe lights. Now that I look at it paused...it's not as cool. What IS that?! It looks like someone tried to gift wrap a giant tree branch with metallic paper that makes Wonka's golden tickets green with envy. It doesn't look scary at all. Or maybe the kid lost his lunch in space or something. OR Maybe this is just a Criss Angel trick gone ary! What makes me even more confused, is that the kid is drooling the plasma too. Why is this single strand of plasma unable to float like the rest? Was that the strand of plasma that never got picked for the dodgeball team, or is it just the Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer one that is different but saves the day? I couldn't tell you, but the fact this kid isn't freaking out more that he has brown poison ivy coming out of his mouth is really off putting. Some people's fetishes man...weird.

Next, this isn't The Rocky Horror Picture Show...WHERE IS YOUR NECK!?

I'm not sure if someone thought blending random splotches of brown all over the poster was going to make this scarier...or if someone was in a hurry, crashed into an intern, coffee went flying everywhere, completely demolished this poster, and someone thought "fuck it, lets keep it". It's the most random discoloration I've ever seen. It isn't in a pattern, it doesn't have a direct start point, and it looks like a 5 year old fingerpainted its blending. OOOH. SCARY! HAUNTED COFFEE STAIINS. OOOOOOOOH. No. Stupid.

Finally, why is that lame tagline above the title? They really need to be flip-flopped. My eyes are drawn to the tagline which isn't any Mark Twain brilliance so why bother putting it where the eyes are going to be drawn? Ugh. Amatuers.

5 comment(s):

Planet of Terror said...

When I saw this at first glance from accross a theater lobby, I thought he was inhaling poop.

B-Sol said...

Or perhaps exhaling it?

B-Movie Becky said...

i actually really like this poster. it's simple and intriguing.

BJ-C said...

Terribleness is in the eye of the beholder :)

Carl (ILHM) said...

Agreed, bad case of poop mouth in this one.

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