Monday, August 17, 2009

DAY OF THE WOMAN'S BACK TO SCHOOL SPECIAL

Sup Womanizers? I'm proud to say that I am writing you from the classy establishment of the Days Inn of Macomb. That's right, I'm back at University. HOLLER. However for some stupid reason or another, they won't open the dorms until tomorrow. I mean, granted I'm here a week earlier than everyone else for band camp...but come on mang! So as I breathe in the air rittled with cliff-notes and vomit smell, I thought of how wonderful school is; so why not give you all a Back to School Special? K-Mart may be selling you Roseart crayons for $1, but I'm giving you a list of awesome school related horror flicks ABSOLUTELY FREE!

NOTHING SAYS SCHOOL LIKE THE PROM:

You can always tell when school is coming around because stupid girls start preparing for dances about 12 years in advance. I know people who have bought their prom dresses before the Homecoming dance, and girls who start tanning for the prom around Valentine's Day. So how do you get in that prom mood? Why else than to watch horror flicks? I recommend:
  • Carrie (1976)
  • Dance of the Dead (2008)
  • Prom Night (1980)
HOT FOR TEACHER

Oh teachers. Some of them left an impact on us, some of them became our life's mentors, and some of them made us hate trigonometry so much that anytime we meet a trig student we want to set their books on fire...If you're lucky enough, you'll get a killer teacher. ZING! Where do I come up with these puns? It's like a gift from God or something I swear. I recommend:
  • The Faculty (1998)
  • The Substitute (2008)
  • To Sir, With Love (2006)
WE GOT SPIRIT YES WE DO, WE GOT SPIRIT HOW 'BOUT YOU?!


2,4,6,8 they're the girls we love to hate! Gooooo spirit squads yeah! If living with a cheerleader, twirling with the band, and cheering back in the day has taught me anything...its that cheerleaders are something that seriously DEFINE school. Everyone knows them, everyone wants to either be them or be with them. In some cases...everyone wants them dead. Maybe its some undertones for necrophelia, or maybe someone has a serious hate for rhyming girls in short skirts...I recommend:

  • Satan's Cheerleaders (1977)
  • Cheerleader Camp (1988)
  • The Majorettes (1986)
  • Girls Nite Out (1984)
I GET HI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-IGH TIL I D-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-E

This section has absolutely nothing to do with being high, but I needed something catchy to refer to high school films. Sometimes high school is so horrific, we gotta re-name it. I mean maybe if Rydell high in Grease was that bad it would have been RydHELL high or something. High School can be pretty brutal, and kids can be pretty mean, so much so that we make movies out of it. I recommend:

  • Class of Nuke 'Em High (1986)
  • Slaughter High (1986)
  • Full Moon High (1981)
  • Return to Horror High (1987)
BE NICE TO THE NEW KIDS AND THE WEIRD KIDS

Oh the poor kids who are products of moving, transferring, and of course FRESH MEAT. My mom always taught me to be nice to the new kids or the outcasts because they tend to be the ones that are the most hostile...and she was right. I recommend:

  • The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999)
  • Cry_Wolf (2005)
  • Bad Reputation (2005)
GO GREEK OR GO HOME

Oh to be young and a part of Greek life. I don't know if its the paying for your friendship or the covering yourself with weird characters but man Greeks are like a cult in themselves. No wonder there's so many movies about them...

  • Black Christmas (1974)
  • The House on Sorority Row (1983)
  • Frat House Massacre (2008)
  • Sorority House Massacre (1984)

So there you have it. My handful of horror films to help ya get prepared and pumped up for the school year. I'm aware of the million and one other horror films out there with a school setting but I wanted to help you kids along. It's like the list of books you get to help you pick a topic for your book report.

You have your assignment.
Class dismissed.

6 comment(s):

Ms Harker said...

You missed my favourite... Heathers! Whats your damage? ;)

www.musingcontinuum.com

BJ-C said...

Girl. I got something prepared for heathers. :)

Pax Romano said...

Satan's Cheerleaders: for some reason the final line from the film has always stayed with me. Someone is watching the girls cheer and he say's "Well I'll be dammed", and one of the girl's replies, "You probably will". Or something like that...

The only horror themed High School film that comes to mind is "Cutting Class" featuring a dewy eyed Brad Pitt.

Finally, did I miss something? "To Sir With Love" was remade as a horror film? What's up with that?

Planet of Terror said...

Ugh, I hate The Majorettes and The House on Sorority Row with the fury of a 1,000 suns. No boobies and almost zero blood or gore.

Now Dance of the Dead, Night School, and The Prowler are the tits.

The Curious Cat said...

Wow - there are films I've never heard of there...you truly are a mad film buff lady! Carrie was always the one that freaked me out - I mean - it was just cruel. Damn cruel...bullying taken to the extreme...left a bad taste in my mouth that one... :( xxx

dope16yroldteen. andlovingitt.x said...

Cant wait to read the Heathers special xD
Great List :)
Carrie is muh fav <3

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