Saturday, August 1, 2009

Day of the Woman & The Vault of Horror Present: The REAL 20 Greatest Vampires of All Time

There it was, staring me in the face, mocking me with its awfulness to come up with something better. When Entertainment Weekly's 20 Greatest Vampires list was brought to my attention via Day of the Woman yesterday, it took all I had not to pull an Elvis on my computer screen. I'm not one to rip EW apart as others do, I often enjoy their lists. But this had to be one of the most wrong-headed abominations I've ever seen.

I won't get into the details of what makes it so atrocious, as that was covered yesterday quite succinctly by BJ-C. And before anyone instructs me to get down off my high horse, let me explain something. I know that EW's list is meant for mainstream consumption, and is not intended with hardcore horror fans in mind. I also know a thing or two about how these lists are put together, having worked for years for a consumer magazine myself. However, none of this means I have to like it. Nor does it mean that horror fans should sit idly by and accept it.

Therefore, I'll remain on my high horse, thank you very much, and bestow upon the worthy horror faithful, a list of the 20 Greatest Vampires of All Time that we can be proud of:

  1. Count Graf Orlok (1922 Nosferatu)
  2. Dracula (as portrayed by Bela Lugosi)
  3. Dracula (as portrayed by Christopher Lee)
  4. Lestat de Lioncourt (Anne Rice's creation, not the woefully miscast Tom Cruise)
  5. Eli
  6. Vampirella
  7. Carmilla
  8. John & Miriam (The Hunger)
  9. Countess Marya Zaleska
  10. Sir Frances Varney
  11. Barlow
  12. Blade
  13. Lord Ruthven
  14. Caleb & Mae (Near Dark)
  15. Dracula (as portrayed by Gary Oldman)
  16. Bill Compton
  17. Morbius
  18. Jerry Dandridge
  19. Vampire Hunter D
  20. Vicente (of the 30 Days of Night graphic novel)
You're welcome. Suck on that, Entertainment Weekly.

9 comment(s):

NoWhere MaN said...

Much, much better list!! Well done b-sol and BJ-C!! :)

I Like Horror Movies said...

Theres a serious lack of Cullen's on this list, and by lack I definitely mean "deserved disregard"

Unknown said...

Ahhh...I feel relieved.
Edward Cullen is not a real vampire. He's an Emo kid with sharp canine teeth.

Drake said...

What no Count Yorga or Blacula?, that's just so wrong! :)
Love your blog.
Here's mine:

please delete if this isn't permitted.

BJ Colangelo said...

Definitely permitted! If you email me an image for your site, i'll put it on my sidebar :)

The Igloo Keeper said...

Lee beats Lugosi for me. And I do love young Spike as well... good list though. Very good.

B-Sol said...

That one was such a tough call. But it's Bela freakin' Lugosi, man, I don't know. He just IS Dracula...

DrippedJake said...

I too felt it was an oversight to not include Max Shreck as Count Orlock. Also, Willem Dafoe as Max Shreck as Count Orlock. Barnabas Collins' snub was my biggest issue.

I remember on the Spider-Man cartoon that Morbius wasn't allowed to bite people so he sucked their "plasma" through holes in his hand. Lame.

Anthony Hogg said...

Interesting list, but a minor niggle: "Count Graf Orlok".

"Graf" isn't the character's first name. It's German for "Count".

Also, was the Barlow you listed Stephen King's novel version (1975) or the TV adaptation of Salem's Lot (1979)?

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