Thursday, July 2, 2009

Why hasn't there been an ATTACK OF THE NUTRIAS?!

In my oh-so humble town on the border of Illinois/Wisconsin/Lake Michigan, I am blessed with many things. Endless amounts of blood-sucking Mosquitoes, earwigs up the wah-zing, and sewer critters that have come about from years and years of incestuous animal relationships. Somewhere along the years of evolution, we were given the Nutria. Where the hell this bugger originated from is beside me and frankly, I could care less where it comes from or just how the hell it ended up in the Midwest. In lamens terms, it's a giant fucking gopher with a rat tail. These things are TERRIFYING. The first time I saw one, it was crawling out of a sewer and I went "Oh look a gopher!" and the sucker turned and I saw it's freak rat tail and ran in the other Italicdirection.

I'm just saying. LOOK AT THE BUGGER. It's scary as hell. Someone needs to pick up on this, ASAP.
1) THEY HAVE RED TEETH! Could you imagine being chased down by a hoard of gnawing beaver cousins with red friggen teeth. It'd be like the annoyance of Caddyshack mixed with Dracula!!!
2) Rat Tails. Rat tails could be used to whip at people, or tie them down, or strangle them, imagine the possibilities.
3)They're semi-aquatic. They're like Big Daddy. You think you can escape them in the sea...NOPE. THEY WILL EAT YOU.

Terrifying. We have spiders, bugs, snakes, sheep, rabbits, rats, dogs, birds, piranhas, sharks, orca, giant lizards, hell, TOMATOES! Why not give these beaver rats their showing?

5 comment(s):

Ms Harker said...

I agree those things a messed up. We are privileged to have most of the worlds poisonous snakes and spiders here in Oz, but no massive rodents with red teeth! They are evil looking little bastards! Rat tails make me feel nauseous...

www.musingcontinuum.com

BJ-C said...

They seriously give me nightmares.

RayRay said...

That's why God invented shotguns. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart.

B-Sol said...

My God, those things are hideous...

Anonymous said...

I think it is sad that a rodent could be made into a monster because it has a tail. What is so scary about a rat tail? I know you are joking about whipping people with it but seem to be serious that that, combined with the color of its teeth, is what makes it evil. Because rats have tails and thus rats are evil.

I challenge you to look at these pics and still think rats are evil:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1392396/New-York-fashionistas-splurge-designer-outfits--pet-rodents.html

On the lighter side, there WAS at least the start of a movie called Attack of the Nutra, A friend of mine auditioned for a part in it as a child! This was in Louisiana in about 1983.

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