Sunday, July 5, 2009

What if DAY OF THE WOMAN (film, not the blog) had been a musical?

Last night, I spent my evening amongst the fireworks and great friends. How great may you ask? Great enough to sit on my couch at midnight with Repo! The Genetic Opera blaring throughout the surround sound. That film is a gem, and my musical theatre ass was dancing around like a fool half the time. Anyways, so it got me thinking. Life truly is better with music and overacting. I burst out into song numerous times a day. When I have to pee, when I want to take a nap, and especially when I'm nomming on some delicious treats. So I figured...what if other films were musicals? *insert jazz hands here* I found it only right to give the film that this blog is named after a bit of a musical touch! That's right, what if Day of the Woman was a musical?

WARNING: I AM MAKING VERY INAPPROPRIATE JOKES IN THIS ENTRY.
IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT,
GO READ THE APPLE DUMPLING GANG'S FAN BLOG.


First of all, this musical would definitely be a la Hair. Crazy subject matter, hippie sounding music, and of course ON STAGE NUDITY! That's something I really think needs to be brought back to the stage ASAP. The character of Jenny would have to be a high soprano, I mean think about it. You need some mega high notes to get hit during the on-stage rape scene. Seriously, could you picture some soul singer? Hell No. We need operatic like wailing for that!

We'd open with a "Good Morning Baltimore" type song sung by Jenny but titled "I'm Off To The Woods, TO WRITE!" While the play will be serious, There would need to be some really catchy upbeat numbers like "Bicycle" by Queen when the delivery boy finally shows up. However once the killings begin, that doesn't give it an excuse for the music not to be fun! We'll get slamming singles like "Ding, Dong The Retard's Hung" and of course the chilling number "Slice It!" while in the bathroom. This musical will be phenomenal. The ending song will be a huge reprise; song and dance number titled "Suck it Bitch" with spinning boats and even water splashing! Front row of course gets some ponchos. Just like Blue Man Group concerts!!

My personal favorite number is the Grease inspired men's trio of "LET'S GET HER!" Filled with dancing around a soda shop, leaps in the forest, and harmonies that make the Beach Boys envious.


However, we of course will have to have more serious ballads like "Writer's Block", "This Rock Is No Place for A Bed" and "I Must Get My Revenge". There will also be a touching song entitled "I Can't Do It" where the young man must decide whether or not to kill Jenny. A dark comedy if you must, this musical will be one that every horror fan must see.


Needless to say, let's thank GOD that this film wasn't a musical...could you freaking imagine. Ha! Awful.


3 comment(s):

RayRay said...

This is why, as a general rule, I hate musicals. Otherwise, great post.

B-Sol said...

I can totally picture the big speedboat scene at the end like some kind of old-school Busby Berkely/Esther Williams aquatic musical number. Shot from above, perhaps with sparklers. Very nice.

Ms Harker said...

Did you have too much sugar at the Independence Day festivities?

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