Tuesday, July 28, 2009

TERRIBLE POSTER TUESDAY

Happy Tuesday Ya'll! That's what DotW would sound like if Hannah Montana or Britney Spears introduced our TpT's for those of you who were wondering. It's a bit late for my posting I realize but lets just say the economy hit the salon I work at, the bossdog got a new partnership...and it's going to be a crazy two weeks for me helping sell out the place. ANNNNNNYWAAAYS, this doesn't mean that I can't make fun of another poster. Today's bashing is brought to you by Final Destination! Now these films aren't "great" by any means, but I will say they are a guilty pleasure for a good ol' fashioned freak accident death and some of the best openings to a horror film. The car crash in the 2nd film is seriously the best car crash in any movie...ever. I normally stop paying attention after that and wake myself up for the kills because something about the wind blowing and that makes me see a staple gun go through someones head just doesn't click with me...This does NOT excuse the fact that the posters are always terrible though.

So first of all, that font looks like the one that came standard with iMakeashittymovieposter. Which is the new iTunes application I should copyright... Maybe they were going for simplicity, or maybe the guy they hired to make the poster came into work very hungover that day. Either choice was a bad one. Not to mention the color of the font isn't a very deep red. It's less scary blood red and more "pink belly" rouge. I don't know the last time someone was intimidating dripping "salmon". BTW: deathiscoming.com? Sounds like the proto-type for the December 21, 2012 site. LAME.

The biggest, most noticeable proof of suckiness...the damn skeleton faces. Not only did they photoshop the living daylights out of everyone on this poster, but they made half of their face a skeleton. I understand, they're going to die...but did these "artists" not realize that people have um, I don't know...DIFFERENT FACIAL STRUCTURES?! They used the same exact skull on every single person. No offence to Devon Sawa, but he's no Ali Larter. His skull should be more rounded, sport a gap tooth, and reek of failed career. Ali Larter's should be very prominent, beautiful, but reek of bad acting. As for Stiffler in the back...why is he even on this poster? And why does he have that look on his face? PS; how does Devon Sawa arch his neck like that? Call this boy a chiropractor!

Finally, we must pay close attention to that lightning. I really think they googled "lightning" and just popped that picture as the background. It looks less like lighting and more like a electrical problem. So I thought to myself, there's an electric issue at the end of the movie, maybe it IS electricity...but then you look at the other 3 posters and THEY ALL HAVE THE CRAPPY LIGHTNING! If this was authentic, these people's hairs would be frizzing out on end around that shizz, but then again the 90's was the year of gelled hair...*sigh*

19 comment(s):

B-Sol said...

"His skull should be more rounded, sport a gap tooth, and reek of failed career." So cold. Yet so accurate.

And god, is Ali Larter annoying. Hot, but annoying. She was a big reason I had to stop watching Heroes...

the jaded viewer said...

Yup thats Google lightning for sure. The FD movies are a total guilty pleasure. Those coincidental kills are such a thrill to watch I when I see em for the umteenth time on USA

BJ-C said...

I seriously think USA has two things to show on tv. Law & Order reruns and bad movies. We do get Burn Notice which is chock full of Bruce Campbell. Yummy :)

Tower Farm said...

I thought this poster was pretty good... until you pointed out that everyone has the same freakin' skull! That is just lazy!

JM

BJ-C said...

I was blessed with the gift to make the finer things in life look awful. How? I have no idea.

Jay Amabile said...

iMakeaShittymovieposter - that program has got a lot of bugs from what I hear! lol. The thing about the Final Destination poster is that aside from a few details and the skulls showing through, they were really very similar to the Scream Trilogy posters because of the layout. So many horror movies at that time were trying to be Scream in a bad way.

B-Sol said...

It's that stupid "headshot lineup" gimmick that everyone was copying. Even The Sopranos did it! When I worked at WWE, I can't tell you how many pay-per-view posters those hacks cranked out that ripped this off...

Dave said...

You might want to start, you know, proofreading your entries. It's hard to enjoy a poster-bashing when it is riddled with grammatical errors.

BJ-C said...

this isn't an english paper, nor is it being graded. when i blog, i write the way i speak. sorry.

B-Sol said...

:-)

Dave said...

Oh, so you can't speak correctly either? Now I understand.

It isn't just English paper sorts of errors. Some of your writing just lacks a fluid style, which makes it difficult to read and enjoy. It's tough for someone to casually read an otherwise entertaining blog entry when he or she is being stopped and forced to pause in order to make sense of some sentences that have a hard time presenting a coherent thought.

I realize this is not something for which you are paid and is just something you do in your spare time. I just think that a blogger who wants to sound professional and be respected would put a little more care into his or her entries. Believe me, there are blogs out there that read as if the authors are putting as much care into their writing as they would put into an English assignment. Or perhaps they don't actually put in the time and are just good, fluid writers.

brian said...

Wow, Dave. Wow. Really, man? I tried clicking on your name to check out your own blog but there wasn't a link to one. I guess you deserve some credit for not posting as "anonymous".

BJ-C said...

I never once stated that I wanted to sound professional. I'm a 19 year old girl, and this is the internet. Calm down.

I am also aware that there are some people who put extreme amounts of care into their writing as they would an English assignment. I however, choose NOT to be one of those people. This is supposed to be something fun to read, and if you are that much of a grammar nazi to just enjoy something for its sheer existence, then kindly don't come back to my blog. No one is forcing you to read my errors.

NoWhere MaN said...

Dave-Can you be anymore of a douche bag? Seriously?! Who cares about spelling and grammar errors? I've read professional blogs that are filled with misspelled words and all sorts of errors. Big deal! I guess, your time must be so important that you can't stop for a few secs. to decipher a sentence or two but yet you can bash someone for doing something they love and that they do for free. People like you are the reason why you should have to fill out an IQ test when buying a computer. Douche!!

Oh. I hope my bad grammar and misspelled words werent too much of a hassle for you to read.

Dave said...

Well, really, as I pointed out in my second comment, it's not just a question of grammatical errors. It's the lack of fluid, easy-to-read prose that bothers me and hinders the enjoyment of reading. While I am doing so in a very rude manner, I really was offering constructive criticism. The content of this blog is generally very enjoyable. The first time I visited, I spent probably two or three hours browsing its contents. However, I think it would be a great deal more enjoyable and fun to read if the writing was a bit more polished. By polished, I don't mean perfectly checked for grammar and/or spelling errors; I mean written in a fluid style.

brian - No, I don't have my own blog. However, that's not the point. The point is that someone who DOES have a blog, in my opinion, ought to practice some quality control with his or her writing.

NoWhere MaN - First off, if your name is a reference to the Beatles' song or the TV Series, kudos. Both are awesome. I think a lack of good writing in professional blogs (or any outlet for written work) is even more annoying than a blog written just for fun. You may not care, but it bothers me. As for your assertion that I have a low IQ, that doesn't make any sense. Calling me a douche bag? You're dead on there. I'm a dick. However, what does being an asshole have to do with someone's intelligence? If anything, people like me need a lesson in common sense and decency. I'm sorry that I am smart enough to recognize good, fluid and coherent writing (and/or the absence of it). Also, your "bad grammar and misspelled words" are not an issue for me. You're just leaving a comment, rather than writing an actual blog entry. There's a difference.

brian said...

Here's the thing. Your criticism isn't very constructive. Your criticism is just you being a dick. People have their styles. If it doesn't work for you what can you do? Move on I guess. I mean, how bad could it be if you spent 2 or 3 hours browsing the content? What you're doing here is what's known as trolling. You seem like an intelligent guy, should probably be above that.

At least you admit you're a dick. That's the first step.

B-Sol said...

Dave,

I have a Master's degree in English, and a dozen years of professional writing experience. I am a published author, and was also the editor of a national consumer magazine. Some months ago, for lack of a better word, I "discovered" BJ-C and helped her get her blog off the ground. I singled her out from the countless readers and wannabe bloggers who reach out to me on a regular basis, not in spite of her prose style, but because of it.

BJ-C's writing style is amongst her greatest assets, along with her quick wit and knowledge of the genre. Not only that, but her writing has impressed me by improving and becoming more polished with every post she's written.

Understandably then, I will not tolerate someone coming on here and taking these kinds of cheap shots. Any writer would certainly benefit from a professional editor, myself included--I'm sure my own blog would most likely not meet your standards, either.

You admit that you are a douchebag and a dick, and I would concur with both assertions. It's unfortunate in this age of the internet, that people like yourself have come to believe that merely having an opinion makes it OK to express it in whatever manner you see fit. In the future, I would suggest that you keep yours to yourself.

As for Brittney and those others who have admirably come to her defense, I'd advise not even bothering to respond further to anything this joker may choose to post next. In my experience, as with most juvenile individuals, it will only further encourage and endow him with a false sense of validation.

Discussion over.

NoWhere MaN said...

The IQ reference was based on the fact that you came across sounding like an idiot. Cause like Brian said you gave no constructive criticism, at all. I understand everyone is entitled to their own opinions but when you start bashing someone who spent the time to do something theyre clearly passionate about, that makes you and everyone else like you look like an idiot.

Dave said...

brian and B-Sol,

Thank you for forming lucid arguments.

And B-Sol, actually I don't recall ever having a problem with your writing style either on the Vault or in your lists for Bloody-Disgusting. I actually rather enjoy reading a lot of your stuff.

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