Happy Tuesday Ya'll! That's what DotW would sound like if Hannah Montana or Britney Spears introduced our TpT's for those of you who were wondering. It's a bit late for my posting I realize but lets just say the economy hit the salon I work at, the bossdog got a new partnership...and it's going to be a crazy two weeks for me helping sell out the place. ANNNNNNYWAAAYS, this doesn't mean that I can't make fun of another poster. Today's bashing is brought to you by Final Destination! Now these films aren't "great" by any means, but I will say they are a guilty pleasure for a good ol' fashioned freak accident death and some of the best openings to a horror film. The car crash in the 2nd film is seriously the best car crash in any movie...ever. I normally stop paying attention after that and wake myself up for the kills because something about the wind blowing and that makes me see a staple gun go through someones head just doesn't click with me...This does NOT excuse the fact that the posters are always terrible though.
So first of all, that font looks like the one that came standard with iMakeashittymovieposter. Which is the new iTunes application I should copyright... Maybe they were going for simplicity, or maybe the guy they hired to make the poster came into work very hungover that day. Either choice was a bad one. Not to mention the color of the font isn't a very deep red. It's less scary blood red and more "pink belly" rouge. I don't know the last time someone was intimidating dripping "salmon". BTW: deathiscoming.com? Sounds like the proto-type for the December 21, 2012 site. LAME.
The biggest, most noticeable proof of suckiness...the damn skeleton faces. Not only did they photoshop the living daylights out of everyone on this poster, but they made half of their face a skeleton. I understand, they're going to die...but did these "artists" not realize that people have um, I don't know...DIFFERENT FACIAL STRUCTURES?! They used the same exact skull on every single person. No offence to Devon Sawa, but he's no Ali Larter. His skull should be more rounded, sport a gap tooth, and reek of failed career. Ali Larter's should be very prominent, beautiful, but reek of bad acting. As for Stiffler in the back...why is he even on this poster? And why does he have that look on his face? PS; how does Devon Sawa arch his neck like that? Call this boy a chiropractor!
Finally, we must pay close attention to that lightning. I really think they googled "lightning" and just popped that picture as the background. It looks less like lighting and more like a electrical problem. So I thought to myself, there's an electric issue at the end of the movie, maybe it IS electricity...but then you look at the other 3 posters and THEY ALL HAVE THE CRAPPY LIGHTNING! If this was authentic, these people's hairs would be frizzing out on end around that shizz, but then again the 90's was the year of gelled hair...*sigh*