Tuesday, July 14, 2009

TERRIBLE POSTER TUESDAY!

Happy T-T-T-T-T-Tueeesday Womanizers :) You know, sometimes we come across a poster that is so ungodly awful we can't exactly decipher whether it's truly an abomination or if they were secretly ahead of their time and awesome. I don't know what it is about rappers thinking they can do absolutely everything, but horror is DEFINITELY not their forte. This film is absolutely no exception. The film is atrocious and the poster truly embraces everything about this film....Ghetto and Obnoxious, but I sort of secretly love it.

First, WHATS UP WITH THE NEW MOON BACKGROUND?! I seriously think someone googled "full moon" and picked up an image off of photobucket or something. It's clearly a color photo that someone put in black and white to make it more "edgy" or "scary". It looks seriously ridiculous and seems to be a bad Twatlight rejection image.

Second, the DEAD HEIST title...has dollar bills in it. I mean, the premise of the film is that four gangsta bro's plan the perfect small town bank heist, but choose the wrong night. Their plans go horribly wrong when vampiric zombies attack the town and make them hostage in the bank. So the whole point of the film is getting this criminals out of the bank. Uh...what? Let the vampire zombies eat their asses, this is my work money and birthday checks from grandma they're trying to rip off! Why the shit should I care if they're trapped in the bank? Plus, I like how DEAD is in red to make it look like blood...good try, but thats the wrong color on the drag and drop scroll in the picnik editor...

Third, the graveyard is another one of those "found you on tinypic" images. At least take the, I don't know...30 minutes to take one photo in an actual cemetary? I mean, there's so much computer editing on this poster you'd think it was a Michael Bay film. Sick.

Speaking of computer editing, okay, If you're going to photoshop people in, DON'T HAVE AN AFRO OR BRAIDS. They're so hard to perfectly loop them out on the computer and it makes it HELLA obvious that its been photoshopped. Especially the poor schmuck on the far left. Photoshop just excentuated his misshapen head, and the fact Bone Crusher's afro isn't a perfect circle.

The tagline...I really shouldn't have to explain. At all...

4 comment(s):

B-Sol said...

Yeah, but godammit, it has BIG DADDY KANE! "Ain't no half-steppin'..." Good times.

But seriously, heaven protect us from rappers in horror flicks, enough is enough. And let me add my name to the list of those who demand a DotW review of this "film". :-)

MonsterScholar said...

I love the guy just staring into the distance....

Planet of Terror said...

This movie was atrocious but Gangs of the Dead was actually really awesome. Check it yo. Holla!

http://planetofterror.blogspot.com/2007/06/gangs-of-dead-2006.html

Planet of Terror said...

Oh, and I found a copy of Majorettes. I wanted to see it just from the sheer 'quality' of the one shown in a previous Terrible Poster Tuesday posting. The first half is a lame slasher and the second is a rambo commando showdown? WTF?

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