Friday, July 3, 2009

BJ-C's 4th OF JULY HORROR BONANZA!

As much as I like to complain about all the garbage that America has given us as far as pop culture is concerned, I will admit that I am as patriotic as Mr. Smith during his stint in Washington D.C. You know, I searched all over the internet (and by searched I mean googled) to find a list of really awesome horror films that have to do with America....or have America in the title, AND I COULDN'T FIND A DAMN THING. So you know what. I'm making my own little recommendations to you kids, and by kids...I mean respected adult members of society...and Soap Magic :D Light up the fireworks, cook some processed meat on the grill, sport the colors of Old Glory and Enjoy! (Sorry to all of my readers overseas, you should watch these though too :))

An American Werewolf in London:
One of the best collaborations between America and Great Britain since The Beatles hit up NYC. his movie won the 1981 Saturn Award for Best Horror Film and an Academy Award for Outstanding Achievement in Makeup. The film was one of three high-profile werewolf films released in 1981. Over the years, this film has developed a cult following and has been branded as a cult classic. Not to mention. Hot. Nurse. :)

American Psycho
Oh Patrick Bateman, how I love thee. This film has one of the sexiest killers to grace the silver screen, not to mention one that is too hip to be square. Armed with a jaw dropping body, some basic serial killer weapons, a stellar soundtrack, and the perfect alias as a Manhattan businessmen, Bateman is truly living the American dream. Bringing home a hefty salary, being drop dead fucking gorgeous, and you know...murdering on the side. Ah...to be young, successful, and American.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre:
You know what, I may live in the Midwest, but I've seen Texas. Everything really is bigger there. The food, the people, the atmosphere, and the slashers. I mean Mike is a giant but Leatherface is one hefty motherfrencher. Based off of one of America's most memorable serial killers, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre gives an in depth look at some torterous and horrifying events that shook not only the state of Texas, but American Film as well.

Uncle Sam:
HE WANTS YOU...DEAD! Okay honestly, that's the cheesiest/awesomest tagline a film could possibly ever have. Uncle Sam is a soldier in the Gulf war that presumably died due to friendly fire, Apparently, he was a douche, so his sister and wife are actually quite happy that he is dead. However, his nephew looks up to him as a hero, so he pissy half the movie because the folks are bad mouthing his dear old Uncle Sam. The rotting corpse of Uncle Sam finally shows up and starts murdering people who are foolish enough to disrespect "the American way of life" The deaths are downright hilarious as a victim is impaled by an American flag...

An American Haunting:
If a story about paranormal activity and ghosts and junk in America doesn't scare you...how about throwing it into the 1800's? I don't know what it is, but colonial America is always so much creepier. Maybe it's because everything looks worn and crazy to begin with, but it gives me the heebie-jeebies. This movie get's a lot of slack for not being up to par, but you know what...it has a raping ghost. That's just insane.

American Gothic:
Honestly, Do I really have to give an explanation as to why this is relevent?After they’re forced to land their plane on a seemingly abandoned island, a group of 20-somethings discover a small home owned by elderly, jesus humpers Ma and Pa.(HOW CUTE) They soon discover that Ma and Pa have three middle-aged children (Fannie, Woody and Teddy) who behave like adolescents. Except it's not funny like in Stepbrothers, it's really really creepy. One by one, each of the friends does something that the family deems bad, so they’re slaughtered, leaving Cynthia, who was recently released from a mental hospital. It doesn't get more American-Satire-Comedy-Horrorific than this. I mean the old broad is armed with a knife and the aging sir is equipped with that pitch fork. Not to mention the fabulous tagline of "the family that slays together, stays together". Sounds like something engraved on the Manson Family photo album if you ask me.

7 comment(s):

B-Sol said...

"Ohhh slay can you seee?"

OK, I'll stop. Got a little too Forrest Ackerman there. But seriously, these are some fun flicks, although An American Haunting left a lot to be desired. Needless to say, AWIL and TCM are classics. And Uncle Sam is the stuff of bad movie legend.

Ms Harker said...

B-Sol, so cheesey yet topical!

American Psycho has to be the pick of the bunch doesn't it? Classic piece of literature, fine film interpretation and sexy actor to boot! You will see I gave little love to the fourth of July myself today, happy Independence Day peeps!

www.musingcontinuum.com

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BJ-C said...

Oh Baby Oh Baby. Let me just get on that.

B-Sol said...

Yay for Blogger comment spam!

initforthekills said...

Great idea for a 4th of July post.

BJ-C said...

initforthekills-thankyou :D

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