Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Womanizers, you have no idea how badly I wish that this was a Ruby Tuesday and not a Terrible Poster'ed one. I'm so freaking hungry I could eat my own foot. Sounds like a recipe for Saw VII. It'll probably happen, I mean how many more ways can one person possibly have to save themselves other than by eating themselves...who knows. Hunger pains aside, I was doing some expert creeping on Rooney Mara as she's going to be our new Nancy Thompson. I knew she played a bit part in Urban Legends: Bloody Mary so I figured "lets google image that ho". Not only did I find barely anything on her and more so on her sister, but I was given this absolutely terrificially awful movie poser. This poster is a very very good one to rip apart, and an easy one at that. Which is good, because I have a hot date with a burrito from Chipotle.

First, why the cliche 5 teenagers with faded black around them? That's so 90's it hurts. This is the new millenium baby! Use some creativity. I don't know, make the lighting look NOT like you've put a flashlight under your chin at a campfire? Ps; whats up with the Edward Cullen and brunette guy that wasn't Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer's love child being further back than everyone else? And why does girl all the way on the left look so angry while girl all the way on the right looks like she hasn't showered? Hell, if you're going to put 5 kids on the poster, at least make it seem like they were all there at the same time.

Second, you'd think you'd advertise the fact that the director of Pet Semetary made this a little higher than at the bottom. No one ever reads the bottom. That's saved for when the films come out, and all that weird small font that no one reads unless they want to know who the really obscure actor is. In this case, the only reason I noticed that is because my scroll is all the way at the bottom and that's the only part of the poster I can see.

Third, the text colors and font styles are stupid. "Urban Legends" looks like it shares the same font as either a country saloon or the Legends in Concert impersonators. I just invision a Native American on a horse with that font on it. It's awful. And then we have the cliche scribbly thing. I hate the scribbly font because the idea is to make it look...well...scribbly. However, if you use a letter more than once, it SHOCKINGLY looks identical to the other one. Totally defeats the purpose. You'd think they'd make "bloody" in red as well. However, it's in white. So not cool.

Fourth, HOLY LAME TAGLINE BATMAN. "Some Legends Can't Be Buried?" LAME! Maybe use something about the mirror, or calling her three times, not to bury her. That's just lame. Plus the word some implies other legends. I'd really like to know what they are, actually...I don't. Then I'd have to sit through more horribly stupid films like this one.

Fifth...Linda Blair, you had your film. Get off this poster.

1 comment(s):

B-Sol said...

Does this abortion have ANYTHING to do with the original Urban Legends? Cause I think what this poster really needs is the Noxzema Girl. Or as she's now known, the Vehicular Manslaughter Girl.

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