Tuesday, June 16, 2009

TERRIBLE POSTER TUESDAY!!

Ah yes, The Americanized version of a film that was sort of crappy in Japan...Happy Tuesday Ladies and Gents. I've given you all a poster that we've all seen and probably didn't like all that much. I'm talking about this pile of ostrich shit (thanks Donner), that is One Missed Call. It's one thing when a bad poster is the only thing hindering an otherwise awesome film, this however I guess should be considered a perfect poster...only because the film was as equally terrible.

I'm first going to start off with the fading around the photo. I personally HATE fading to black in a photo unless you soften it. Otherwise, it just looks dirty. The hand on that phone looks like its been working on the rail-road all the live long day. Now if I knew I was expecting a phone call to tell me how I was going to die, I wouldn't be setting any railroad tracks down, but that's just me.

Um, how freaking huge is that phone? If you look at it in comparison to the face, that thing is gigantic. It's 2008 when they made this, NO EXCUSES. Nextel had already merged with Spring, and their phones were bricks, not javelins. I mean I get that they needed the size for the photo but holy christ. You could get HBO with that sucker.

And God Said....LET THERE BE LIPS! Thankfully, God was never intending these weirdos. Who did this photoshoot for you? Lisa Rinna? Those buggers are HUGE. Distorted as well. They are probably the most unattractive lips I've ever seen in my life. It looks like somebody put their face in a mirrored frame and lined their face up evenly. Obviously ol' mouth-eyes is way into chola lipliner. And lined them unevenly... That would be the only explination for those giant things. Unless someone just got trigger happy with the photobucket "stretch" option. I'm voting option 2.

Tagline-awful. "What Will it Sound Like When You Die?" Shit if I know. It probably made the same sound this film did when it hit the box office...I either want to sound like i'm hacking up a hairball, choking on a certain appendage, sleeping, or falling off of a building. Who gives a crap!? I'd much rather like to know what my final words would be, or something. Why would we care what it sounds like when we die...IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE GOING TO BE AROUND TO REMEMBER. Oh man, I should have screamed about a 5th higher...I was so off key there...WHAT?!

Of course, let us not forget those screaming eyes. To be completely honest, I don't have a lot to say about those eyes without going in a full-fledged rant that leaves me stammering for words. (which is usually the case). You'd think a face covered in mouths would be a fantasy come to life, but it's not. It's really weird looking and no where near as attractive as my mind would let me believe. The way they photoshrapped these images, I feel bad for whoever is screaming. Not only do they have a pignose, but they also are blessed with a 3 millimeter chin. Not to mention, the mouths don't even look like they're screaming. They look like the mouths of a 14 year old that's too afraid to open her mouth fully for the dentist. Three mouths on a face, possibly a little scary. nostrils on a forehead, definitely not scary. That screams more "mommy drank too much vodka while I was in the womb" than it does "DEATH PHONE CALL". That's retarDEAD.

PS; I like how the title of the film has the same font and fading effect as Mirrors....awesome ?

3 comment(s):

B-Sol said...

One Missed Call? More like One Missed Movie! Heh heh, heh...heh... Ahem.

I'll let myself out...

Planet of Terror said...

Everytime I see this movie poster I think vagina dentata because of the aforementioned screaming eyes. Because at first glance, they don't look like that.

Ms Harker said...

So many nostrils so little time!

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