Saturday, June 6, 2009

Neopets: The Gateway to Horror and All Things Imaginary

So, I'm a giant web geek and am subscribed to numerous weird sites. The other day, I was browsing around some old web files when I found my old Neopets account. For those of you that don't know what it is, Neopets is a kids interactive site, and also those weird little gremlin looking things they sell at Limited Too. It's pretty entertaining for kids, I'll tell you that much, and I'll admit that I had an account way back in about 6th grade. ANNNYWAYS. So I decided for the hell of it, I'll play around on Ye Olde Account. Do you know what I realized? NEOPETS IS AWESOME. I went straight into the Haunted Woods, which you'd think would be a super mild Halloween town based off of Disney movies; with it being all haunted and ghoulish and stuff. NO. It's fucked up. This is a site geared towards little children. The games you play in the Haunted Woods...have wind up clowns falling from the sky, having to fetch missing limbs for the witches brew, going through the Castle of Eliv Thade or...EVIL DEATH. My opinion....awesome.
I forgot how awesome Eliv Thade is. It's an anagram unscrambling game but you play a Little Red Riding Hooded Neopet trapped in the castle of Two-Face and Hyde's pet dog apparently. The entire game is set to the tune of a tell-tale heart inspired soundtrack and heavy breathing. THIS IS A CHILDS SITE. I love it. I really really do.

After you get through the Haunted realm, you can go to SPACE. On the planet of Kreludor there's Aliens, Giant Robots, evil scientists, and a Nazi-like mining camp for the rebel aliens. If the planetary world isn't for you, you can go on a Death Star inspired Virtupets Space Station. You can train yourself to be the next Ripley in that place! Order space weaponry, space defence weaponry, admire the alien Grundo's, pull the LEVER OF DOOM, and battle EVIL FUZZLES FROM OUTER SPACE. Sci-Fi for kids, has never been so cool.

So you know something, maybe the future children of the world won't be as sugarcoated as I thought. Even their precious computer worlds are completely warped and fucked up. Honestly, if my childhood had been raised on falling wind-up clowns and evil fuzzles...I'd probably be such a cooler kid.

1 comment(s):

B-Sol said...

Damn, why haven't I show this to my daughter?? Screw the damn Webkinz...

Related Posts with Thumbnails