Tuesday, June 9, 2009


It's t-t-t-t-t-TERRIBLE POSTER t-t-t-t-TUESDAY! I had to type out the stuttering DJ intro for you for emphasis. Today I've given you a real shit sandwich on a silver platter, or maybe a MIRROR?! I'm just kidding. But seriously, jokes aside, I picked a poster that most movie goers in the states didn't get a chance to get a gander at. While we Americans we're oh so fortunate to see the poster that gave away the ONLY good scene of this film. Our lovely neighbors internationally were given this flaming pile of awful.

I'd like to first note the magic fog that is in that room, and how for some reason or another the people aren't blurred by it at all. Um duh, when you drive, walk, run, molest in the fog...YOU ARE FOGGY. Why is Jack Bauer and a skinnier/whiter Rosario Dawson look-a-like suddenly immune to the fog. The fog that by the way only covers a good half of a foot in the air...in only that room.

Second, why is the water only in the living room? If you look closely, the room next to it has the doors open and the water magically isn't in that room. I've seen invisible fences in yards, but this is ridiculous. Not to mention, why does this water relate? For all I know, kid clogged the toilet and is showing mommy & daddy his handiwork. There's no creepy reflection, no nothing. Homeboy just flooded the house. The girl is soaking wet in a white tank top, could we get more gratuitous? The other two are bone dry. Jack Bauer may be immune to a lot of things, but water is not one of them. I mean come on, he's not Chuck Norris.

Third, WTF TOY TRUCK? Why can the kid sit in the water and have it about an inch on him and yet the giant toy truck is almost fully submerged? That doesn't make any sense, and how did the truck get there. Did the kid knock it over kiddie corner BACKWARD from him before he sat perfectly Indian style to play in the water? I doubt that.

Fourth, the people look like they were cut out of other pictures with child's safety scissors. The cut and paste is so awful that the lighting is even wrong. You can tell the light is coming from totally different directions just by looking at the shadows on their faces and clothes. It's not even like Photoshop 101, this is if Hooked on Phonics made hooked on Photoshop. Look at Keifer's feet, I didn't know his living room was on an incline.

PS; WHY IS THERE A RANDOM SQUARE SHADOW BEHIND THE GARBAGE CAN?! I feel bad for the internationals that saw this. This means it was basically the American studio saying, fuck you, rest of the world, we're gonna give you the shittiest one. I apologize FOR them.

2 comment(s):

B-Sol said...

This is quite possibly the worst cut and paste in the history of man. Looks like someone stuck poultry scissors up their ass and went to town. Bloody awful.

Oh, and according to my kids' teachers, we don't say "Indian style" anymore. Now it's "criss-cross applesauce". Political Correctness Police strike again!

gord said...

My current favourite of your TPT rants.

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