Monday, June 29, 2009


Good Afternoon Womanizers! BJ-C has returned after a weekend of baton twirling competitions, a KISS concert, some family gatherings, and a Battle Royale between the Colangelo Family of Suburban, Illinois VS. The Financial Aid department of Western Illinois University. Let us first give it up to B-Sol of The Vault of Horror for that FABULOUS edition yesterday. It takes a strong man to take a walk in my shoes...because I wear heels in a men's size 6. HA! He did great and to thank him you should all invade the Vault. I'm in a list mood and after seeing KISS and how they relate a ton of their stage moves to other horror films I have seen; it makes me think of how horror films tie into my daily life. Not only do I use the quotes of horror films into my daily language, I also can picture certain situations in the real world from being freaked out by films. So here's a list of the 10 Scenes that make me paranoid about the real world. PS; I took that picture up there ;)

10) After-the-bar Street Scene from Shaun of the Dead
Do you ever get that feeling when you have to move your car from the street to the driveway at nighttime that you need to run to the car and unlock it from your front door because there's a good chance there's a zombie at the end of the road underneath a streetlamp waiting to come eat you? too.

09) There's a reason you leave the toilet seat cover up...-Ghoulies II
So, did you ever get that ooky feeling late at night when the Toilet seat cover is down when it is NEVER down that there just may in fact be a terrifying little bugger chilling in there waiting for you to pop a squat in order to eat your genetials and kill you so you contemplate peeing in either the bathtub or the sink but never do it because you lifted the seat with your feet from a safe distance? Welcome to my world.

08) God Damn Toys from Poltergeist
Remember when you were a little kid and you always had this irking suspicious feelingg that your toys actually came to life when you weren't there? (THANKS DISNEY.) Every kid has that fear of the weird-looking toys in his/her room coming to life, and thanks to the little boy from Poltergeist, I got to see what it would actually look like if it happened! It's OK though, it's not like I ever needed to sleep again for the rest of my life...

07) Who cares about Snakes When There's FIRE from Final Destination
Even if you've ridden a BILLION planes in your life, we all get that second thought that maybe, just maybe the bird is just going to crash & burn into the ground, exploding us into billions of pieces and burning our bodies so badly beyond recognition that we get put in history books? Okay, so I never had that thought until I saw the opening scene of this movie. The scripts may suck, but these films have the damn best opening sequences EVER. I check my goddamn tray table holder every time now.

06) Drill Baby, Drill from The Dentist
Today, I was squirming in my chair at the dentists office when I could hear that drill. I was NEVER afraid of men with big, powerful tools until I saw this film. I have sensitive gums to begin with and I'm always paranoid they're going to slip or just go in a downright hallucinatory rage and stab the living fuck out of my mouth.

05) How the hell are you calling from inside the house in 1979?-When a Stranger Calls
I always used to HATE when the phone would ring when I was babysitting because not only were you talking to random strangers that you don't know half the time, but you're also running the risk of picking up the phone and hearing some dude calling from inside the house telling you he's killed the kids or something. In this day and age with cell phones, someone could call me from behind the damn couch in the same room and I wouldn't know any different. Screw that. I hate phones.

04) Livin' it up while you're going down-Dawn of the Dead
Ever get that feeling when you're at the mall waiting for the elevator that if you open the door that a bunch of gray/green/blue tinted brain&flesh munchers were going to be awaiting you on the other side? Or the fear of opening the door because you'll be seriously trapped with NOWHERE to go? You don't? Well go watch Dawn of the Dead and call me later.

03) Sorry your date pretended to act dead just so he didn't have to go out with you Britt...-Night of the Creeps
Every girl has the fear that her date may not actually like them and that it's a bet or something. Or maybe I've just had one too many boyfriends that are professionals of the art of douchebaggery. However, I will say that I hate my door doesn't have a peephole because I've always had this weird fear that if I answer the door that I'll either be welcoming a mass murderer or a zombie boyfriend...I'm weird. I know.

02) Skin Condition...enough said -Cabin Fever
My biggest fear in the entire world is catching leprosy or some form of skin disease to where my body parts fall off or if i have a flesh eating virus or something. I get so paranoid about it that I shamefully enough avoid people who have skin conditions. It's a phobia and I seriously can't help it. I'm like that chick on Maury who's afraid of Pickles. Only...I'm afraid of skin. So needless to say, I'm TERRIFIED to shave my legs in hotels or homes that aren't running off of the same water line as mine...
01) Was there really another option for #1-Psycho
The scene that instilled paranoia in every person who's ever seen this film and taken a shower. Which I'm hoping is the majority. I live out of hotels in the summer for baton twirling and good lord, I get scared everytime. I lock the door. I put a garbage can next to it so I can hear if the door opens, and half the time...I "forgot my baton was in my hand so I might as well just leave it next to the shower". Call me paranoid, but I ain't ending up dead :)

4 comment(s):

B-Sol said...

No, there really was no other option for number one. The ultimate horror paranoia.

And yes, I'll admit, Ghoulies has given me toilet-o-phobia that lasts to this day. One of these days some little green guy is gonna bite me on the ass, I just know it....

Monster Scholar said...

I hate that part in Cabin Fever. "Everyone is dying from a flesh eating bacterium in the water. I think I'll shave my legs!"

Ms Harker said...

Great list, I think the Psycho example is every traveling woman's irrational fear... Having just been away for the week, I made sure all the doors were locked prior to showering, just in case any 'slack jawed yocals' were looking for someone 'purdy' to murder!

Unknown said...

I will say right now that I still check to see if my tray table is broken because of Final Destination. I also used to check behind chairs for demons because of Ghostbusters.

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