Tuesday, May 19, 2009

TERRIBLE POSTER TUESDAY!!

HAPPY TUESDAY! Sorry about my lack of posting yesterday, I was suffering from the bubonic plague riddled in with some swine flu. Not really, but if I was, I'm sure the Discovery Channel or TLC would give me some hour long special in between John & Kate Plus 8 and the Mermaid Girl.

ANNNNYWAYS. So there's been a ton of these fan made movie posters for New Moon which is the second installment of the Twatlight series. Now, let me first say, you'd think that since these films have such an awkward cult following, they'd be able to find some better images...HOWEVER. They finally released the official poster.

Um, yeah, LAME. Number One, I still don't understand why the hell SHARKBOY is in this film. Who cast him? He's got this look on his face that resembles a bit of Mario Lopez on Saved by the Bell when he was being "concerned". It looks ridiculous. Plus, he looks like he's stabbing Bella in the FUPA. Or, the area that would be a FUPA if she was big. Why? I don't get it.

Edward, you're not a real vampire. You can go outside during daylight. So honey, say it with me....SUNLIGHT. The whole pasty vampire thing only works if you don't go in the sun, you're not fooling anyone.

HOW AIRBRUSHED CAN YOU PEOPLE BE?! I don't get it. It looks so unnatural, and maybe if this film was I don't know ACTUALLY SUPERNATURAL, I'd let you have it. And if you're gonna airbrush, do the whole thing. Kristen Stewart's hand looks like it's 900 years old. But THANKYOU for giving her normal hair. Dear lord. I just don't get why they had to airbrush the characters so much that they don't look like this was taken all together. It looks HELLA photoshopped.

It's called NEW MOON. and The moon is so airbrushed and blurred, it looks like the sun. STUPID. Ps; where are they that there is smog covering the forests? Sepia only works for westerns...step off.

I will admit there is ONE thing I like about this poster...The fact that Edward Cullen looks like he's saying BITCH PLEASE. If you put a blonde wig on him, and got rid of his crappy eye shadow, he'd be Regina George in Mean Girls. That's hilarious. But his "America's Next Top Model' pose is not hilarious. It's quite sad. If he took his shirt off, he'd be an Abercrombie ad.

EDIT:: At least they have trimmed Patterson's fringe which is probably why he has that look on his face becuse he can see who/what he is working with/on: 'Bitch please, I was in Harry Potter, where is my fecking agent I want to kill him for not getting me a better deal!' -Ms. Harker

You know what, I'd say the same thing if I was sharing a poster with Sharkboy and Jodie Foster's man-daughter from Panic Room...

That is all :)

13 comment(s):

B-Sol said...

Yes, the whole "going out in daylight" thing REALLY bugs me. And the excuse is, oh, this is the Pacific Northwest, its always cloudy and rainy here. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? If these are vampire movies, then The Master of Disguise and Johnny English are James Bond movies.

Nice work skewering this pile of shit.

BJ-C said...

Hey! I personally LIKE The Master of Disguise. Maybe because I laugh every time at "look at these little weiners" I know, it's lame, and that movie is rank, but it holds a place in my heart.

B-Sol said...

Hey, I LOVE The Master of Disguise ("Turtle, turtle, turtle...") Shit, I love Johnny English. But I wouldn't exactly consider them fine espionage films, knowwhutimean?

BJ-C said...

Hahaha. Very true. My mom said Edward was giving a 'bitch please' face too. Or a "oh no you didn't" This is why I love her.

B-Sol said...

Yeah, he's definitely the most feminine person on that poster. I'm just waiting for the day when he and Zack Efron both finally confess their mutual love of the cock.

musingcontinuum said...

I knew you couldn't resist a dare! Are you braced for the twi-nut backlash! At least they have trimmed Patterson's fringe which is probably why he has that look on his face becuse he can see who/what he is working with/on: 'Bitch please, I was in Harry Potter, where is my fecking agent I want to kill him for not getting me a better deal!'

Ms Harker
www.musingcontinuum.wordpress.com

BJ-C said...

ha! go look at the edit i've done to the post harker

Katiebabs a.k.a KB said...

I think the poster is pretty okay. Taylor is actually the best thing in this whole movie series. Bushy eyebrow Rob and broody, I will look clueless Kristen can take a cue from Sharkboy.

I am proud to admit I am a shameless fan of everything Twilight.

CRwM said...

Dracula goes out in the sun. In both the original novel and in the Coppola movie.

Just saying.

B-Sol said...

I think the whole vampire/sun issue in this case stems from the fact that Meyer establishes that her brand of vampires are also affected by sunlight (albeit not in the same way), yet she comes up with the lame excuse that by moving to a cloudy climate they're somehow able to avoid sunlight completely. I found it pretty flimsy as well.

CRwM said...

But isn't the "affect" simply that they are easy to identify in direct sunlight? I don't recall it damaging them or anything. I'll admit to not really paying attention though.

B-Sol said...

Yes, but it DOES have an affect on them, and claiming it doesnt work cause, like, its kinda cloudy, is just weak. Plus, the whole "sparkling in sunlight" thing is really fagel-ish.

musingcontinuum said...

Just came back to check if you had been Twi-lynched, however I see we are in it together. Classic! Check this twi-nastiness on Pretty Scary, hysterical!! Read the comments post the story.

http://tinyurl.com/qmkotv

Ms Harker
www.musingcontinuum.wordpress.com

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