Tuesday, May 19, 2009

the somewhat long awaited...MOVIE RECOMMENDATIONS FROM DAY OF THE WOMAN! pt. 4


This will contain some classics, some cliches, some slashers, some thrillers, some that make you feel like you need drugs, some that make you feel like you're on drugs, and some that you just may not have ever seen before. It's also going to be a continuing page. I'll probably post one every Monday for a good while until I reach like...250 films or something. So make sure you come back soon :)

SO I BRING TO YOU... THE MOVIES BJ-C WILL TIE YOU TO A CHAIR AND MAKE YOU WATCH IF YOU COME TO VISIT HER... results may vary.

Part 1-(1-25)| Part 2-(26-50) | Part 3-(51-75)


76) The Beyond: Yes, you read correctly, I finally included Fulci's fan-favorite masterpiece (along with Zombi 2 of course). It's part two of his Seven Gates trilogy, and let's just say...is total Fulci style. There's plenty of blood [some of it resembling foam] and a wicked set of blind eye contacts. This film is arguably his best work, and I can't argue that they'd be wrong. It has everything a horror movie should have, the way that only Fulci can bring us.

77) The Night of the Creeps: You know what, even without the whole B-Movie, Zombie, Slasher, Alien Invasion thing...this film could totally be a teen movie. Hell, frat guys ARE creeps; even before they're...undead. One of my favorite things about the film, is that the character names are totally picking fun at our favorites. Chis ROMERO, Cynthia CRONENBERG, just to point them out :) PS; DVD RELEASE IN OCTOBER! HOLLA!!!

78) May: This is the example I always pull when people ask if "new" indie horror films are any good. The story sort of puts a modernized and less perverse twist on Buffalo Bill. As May was sort of an outcast child, her mother gave her a doll and advice that said "If You Can't Find a Friend, Make One". Let's just say, she takes it a little bit too far. But this film while twisted and strange, is pretty clever and entertaining. A Must See.

79) The Abominable Dr. Phibes: More proof that Vincent Price is THE man. First of all, this film has probably the best tagline "Love means never having to say you're ugly" BAHAHAHA awesome. Second, I give props to anyone who is inspired to kill by the plagues of Egypt. I LOVE how there's a different old-time song playing for every one of his kills. Classic :) Just Classic.


80) RetarDEAD: Do Not, I REPEAT Do Not, comment here and tell me how offended you are at the title or any of that crap. This film is GOLD. The one liners are out of this world, I love blue faced zombies, and the gore shoots you right back to the time Peter Jackson made a hella gory film that didn't include hobbits. I personally could care less if the subject "offends" people. Seriously, get over it. It cost about 15 dollars to make by my estimation. So throw out your morality, sit down and enjoy a god damn amazingly campy movie. "Do It Momma, Show Me Them Titties!" & LIVING DEAD GIRLZ. That is all.

81) Cathy's Curse: You know what, I knew that dolls were evil the day mine short circuited and talked and glowed without batteries in. This film, just hightens my already exisiting belief. This little girl has a mouth on her that makes a posessed Ragen MacNeil look tame. My personal favorite... “Medium?! I’d say Extra Rare Piece of Shit!!!!” I guess that demonic posession thing she had going on wasn't too happy with possibly being rid. Regardless, this film if off the wall and extremely entertaining.

82) Shrooms: Is it shitty? yes. Does it have a crap-like Shamalyan ending? Yes. Did I still watch it and decide to recommend it? Of course. Do I care if you agree with me on it? HELL NO. This was another one of our attempts to find the worst horror movie in America. However, I won't lie...I sort of liked it. I thought it was really strange, and the concept was just...awkward. That doesn't mean I won't watch it again on a rainy day :)

83) Carnival of Souls: I hate organ scores, I hate organ scores, I hate organ scores. Let us assume that I had some strange childhood, traumatic incident set to organ music. I saw this film at a younger age and the music freaked me out...hardcore. Maybe its because I'm Italian and it resembles monkey grinder music, I don't know. It's just weird. I'm definitely talking about the 1962 version, by the way.... Plus, homeboy to the right gives me the heebie jeebies just looking at him.

84) The House on Haunted Hill (1999): Before you say anything, I am VERY MUCH aware that I'm probably the only person who will EVER recommend this film to anyone. It's not that I think it's some cinematic masterpiece or anything or that it even comes CLOSE to the original, its just that THIS is one of the films that triggered me to look deeper in to horror. I saw this, age 9, campground, midnight, with my best friend. It scared the living HELL out of me. I researched it, found out it was a remake, and this is the film that caused me to look up the OLD OLD OLD classics. Without this film, I know I wouldn't have looked into black and white horror. So yes, I do love this film for that. Plus, as much as Vincent is a CLASSIC, this film is actually scary. There. I said it.

85) Tombs of the Blind Dead: Hello one of the scariest scores in history! I don't know what it is about the Spanish, but they have managed to write up some terrifying stuff. This film just warps your mind around so many twisted and scarring scenes. As much as I'd love to promote the film for the soft-core lesbian scene. I just have to say, watching a dying mother's blood drip on her baby is something I will NEVER be able to get out of my head.

86) INSIDE: SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK. SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK. SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK. SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK. SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK. FUCKING AWESOME. SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK. SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK. SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK. SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK. That is all.

87) Ice Cream Man: Why is Clint Howard so awesome? This film is one of my guilty pleasures. Not only is the director a guy who makes pornography, but its written by the dudes who wrote Wedding Crashers! After being mega traumatized by watching his hero "the ice cream man" be brutally murdered. He later (after years of institutionalization) is let free. He later becomes an Ice Cream Man but loses his marbles and starts killing people and putting them in the ice cream. Hmm...I knew my Rocky Road was extra rocky today...

88) NEKromantik: See, when Dahmer did it, we thought he was crazy and needed to see a doctor, but somehow...they made necrophilia sexy. Does that make me weird? Possibly, but she was hot. Anyways, I feel bad for the husband in all this. I mean, could you imagine bringing your wife to a threesome and she likes the other guy more than you? What if the other guy was a rotting corpse? Yeah, sort of gnarly. But that's what makes this film so strange to watch. Definitely one every horror fan should see.

89) Silent Night, Deadly Night: This film is every parent and child's worst nightmare. I mean, children already freak out when they have to see Santa for portraits at the mall, but what if these kids are just picking up on something we don't see? Like, how dogs can sense fear and deer sense tornadoes...maybe kids pick up on killer Santas? People tried banning this film, and parents were in outrage but you know what, this IS reality. There are sick people out there and this is all the more to see this film. It's our worst nightmare. The symbol of childhood innocence, on a killing spree. Brilliant.

90) Cabin Fever: Who knew the kid from Boy Meets World that wasn't a Savage could be a part of something I love so much? I'm really really really not okay with flesh eating viruses. My absolute, biggest fear is catching leprosy, so this film made me squirm in my seat. The shaving scene haunted me forEVER and I was so freaking scared that would happen to me someday. Totally underrated... One word: PANCAKES!

91) Scanners: HOLY HEAD EXPLOSION BATMAN! Can Cronenberg really do wrong? Not in my eyes. It's like Umbrella Corp & Carrie White's love child. That's what I've decided a "Scanner" is. Super creepy to think about someone being able to control my mind, that's the one thing I have safe completely to me. Plus, in case you were wondering...Michael IronsideIS a God among men.

92) The Brood: Back to Back Cronenberg baby! And by baby, I mean...mutated, sexless, telepathic, evil babies. Hammer icon, Oliver Reed stars as a whacked out shrink who convinces his patients to let their emotional issues take a toll on them physically. He based him on his ex-wife. Talk about crazy ex-wives. If this bat-shit doc is based off of his wife, I can't imagine how dinnertime must have been. He takes the cult concept and just runs with it. And by running, I mean making it as absolutely sick and twisted as humanly possible.


93) Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead: Okay, so absolutely everything that I personally could ever want in a film, is in this film. There's gore, there's zombies, there's jokes, there's musical theater! *jazz hands* Another film with a FABULOUS tagline..."Humans...the other white meat. Unless you're black, then it's dark meat. Or if you're Asian, then it's yellow meat. Or if you're Native American, it's red meat. (Well...you get the idea.)" Fucking amazing. Not to mention, the main characters are named Arbie & Wendy, Denny, Carl Jr. and Paco Bell. *slaps knee* This film is perfect. Period.

94) Dog Soldiers: My personal opinion, one of the best werewolf films since the horror genre has "gone sour". Or in simpler terms...since AWIL. This film taught me one thing, it may be brutal, but it's true. Do NOT be afraid to shoot a dog. The same way Romero taught us that sometimes you HAVE to kill your family, this one taught me that sometimes, I have to kill that animal. It's a dog eat dog world, and I'd rather not be bitten.

95) Arachnaphobia: So I'd like the guy from Dumb & Dumber that isn't Jim Carrey, a hell of a lot of spiders, and Walter from The Big Lebowski. Got it? Good. I think what's creepiest about this film, is that the spiders are a little too real for my liking. I'll take a giant 50 foot spider than I can just run from. But a thousand little buggers...not okay. I'm normally the "let the spider outside" kind of girl, but this made me just want to smash the hell out of them.


96) Nightbreed: Clive Barker, why are you so cool? I've enjoyed everything you've ever brought us [except Hellraiser, yes you may BOO now] This film has over 200 monsters...200 MONSTERS!! that's amazing! Since he's such a cool cat, he even nabbed Cronenberg to play Decker, and Pinhead as Lylesburg.

97) Tooth & Nail: So, Vinnie Jones is like England's version of Dwayne Johnson. Successful sports career turned successful acting career. This dude is the CREEPIEST guy I've ever seen. If you don't know who I'm talking about, he's the killer on the Midnight Meat Train. Anyways, in 07' one of the 8 films to Die For was this little dandy, and it's pretty damn good. It's post-apocalyptic, and there's cannibals. *shudders* yuck. Oh yeah, that same kid from Boy Meets World that wasn't a Savage, but is in Cabin Fever...he's in here too :)

98) The Lady in White: This is a perfect example that proves that you could make a terrifying-as-hell horror movie in the 1980s without tits or blood. A definite throwback to the great ghost stories of years past, this film haunts you based on its actual story...not its buckets of blood.



99) Christine: Killer. Fucking. Cars. Stephen King has been my favorite for as long as I can remember, and I LOVE the fact that he has the ability to take anything we see normal, and completely scare the living daylights with it. Now I will admit that having a car that can fix itself would save me a lot of time and money, but having one that will fall in love with me and kill anything that comes in between us...not so much. People say Christine is evil, I don't. I just see her as a woman who is gonna get what she wants....Oh, Hello Alex Forrest, how are you today?

100) The Birds: Oh my God, do I hate birds....Those beady little eyes, there disease infested feathers, those squawking calls at the midnight hour, and the fact they can circle you around, notttt okay. It plays with our fear of something coming after us that we least expect. Much like SN,DN...it's our worst nightmare. Birds are symbols of freedom and peace, but Hitchcock has turned them into these demonic little shits that are going to eat us alive...hm, NOTLD anyone?

6 comment(s):

B-Sol said...

"The same way Romero taught us that sometimes you HAVE to kill your family, this one taught me that sometimes, I have to kill that animal."

Brilliance.

And um, you used "bat-shit". Nice :-). I'm still suing you, though.

Soap Magic said...

Awww, you recommended The Beyond! I know I influenced you to recommend it. You still have other classics to recommend, right? I don't want you to run out of good movies to recommend because of me. :)

I COMPLETELY agree with you on Inside. That movie's a modern classic. It takes disturbing to a whole new level.

I think May's similar to Audition, because the horror kicks in when the girls show their true colors at the last part of the film. (I didn't spoil anything, did I?)

Now I'm interested in seeing Tombs of the Blind Dead. Although I'm fast-forwarding through the soft-core lesbian scene. Unlike you guys, I'm not a fan of nudity/sex in horror movies. Is it strange that a 13 year old boy dislikes this stuff?

Planet of Terror said...

Goddamn. What a great list! I see you've already seen Inside which I just saw over the weekend. Freakin' brutal!

May is really awesome in the same way that Carrie was (ironically, the lead girl played Carrie in a remake). Sweet although a little weird and totally unassuming. Until she started hacking people to shit.

Dog Soldiers is my favorite werewolf movie. Ever.

Silent Night, Deadly Night is my favorite Christmas themed horror movie next to Silent Night, Deadly Night II. So many great one liners. Garbage Day!!!!

Porque no te gusta Hellraiser?

- Seacrest out

BJ-C said...

Planet: I don't know man. I just never got into it. There was always SO MUCH going around with it that it made my head spin. I just couldn't understand it the first time around and it bugged me. Now, I watch it, and I appreciate what it does for horror...but I don't like it particularly.

BJ-C said...

B-Sol said...

I think a full post dedicated to why you can't stand Hellraiser is probably in order. That should piss a lot of people off :-)

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