Monday, May 11, 2009

the somewhat long awaited...MOVIE RECOMMENDATIONS FROM DAY OF THE WOMAN! pt. 3


This will contain some classics, some cliches, some slashers, some thrillers, some that make you feel like you need drugs, some that make you feel like you're on drugs, and some that you just may not have ever seen before. It's also going to be a continuing page. I'll probably post one every Monday for a good while until I reach like...250 films or something. So make sure you come back soon :)

SO I BRING TO YOU... THE MOVIES BJ-C WILL TIE YOU TO A CHAIR AND MAKE YOU WATCH IF YOU COME TO VISIT HER... results may vary.

51) The Midnight Meat Train: The Art Director for this film deserves a medal and a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame simply for this film. A horrifically gruesome, but horrifically terrific adaptation of Clive Barker's story of the same name, we get a glimpse into the terrors that cannot be explained, and cannot be believed...because it's our darkest nightmare, something our own mind cannot let us imagine.

52) A Clockwork Orange: The film that made wearing false eyelashes on one eye cool, and the film that forever changed the happy go lucky feeling of "Singing In The Rain". Based off of Anthony Burgess' novel of the same name, the film brought us a world where we need to question our government, do as we so choose, and drink lots and lots of laced milk while speaking Nadsat...

53) Re-Animator: Dear H.P. Lovecraft, thank you for being awesome and imagining weird ass things up like the idea for this film. One of the most successful horror/comedy/gore/cult films to ever come about, it showcases Dr. Herbert West, a medical student who transfers from a school in Europe to the medical school of Miskatonic University to continue developing a formula to revive the dead. Giving us a fabulous film and probably the most infamous decapitated head since John the Baptist.

54) The Uninvited: In NO way am I referring to the new re-make that has been plastered all over the internet. A perfect illustration of a well-written classical ghost story, told straightforwardly without any twists or surprises, only the chills that its standard haunted house plot brings. It finally gives us a horror film the way it is supposed to be. Without reason, without knowing everything, and without having to answer to any persnickety audience in need of a "logical" explanation. The cast is convincing, and the séance scene will forever be engrained in my brain.

55) The House By The Cemetery: Leave it up to the Italians to bring films that scare the living ba-jesus out of me. This one seems to get a lot of crap for being so similar to Amityville & The Shining, but you know what...Who gives a rip? It's a Lucio Fulci film! Fulci could seriously make "Green Eggs and Ham" into a film and I'd probably still go see it and love every second of it. This one is total Fulci...meaning, lots o gore :)

56) Sleepy Hollow: God Bless Tim Burton and Friends. I absolutely LOVE this film. Not only does he give us the brilliance that is Johnny Depp, but we have a BLONDE Christina Ricci. Finally putting one of the most well known urban legend/ghost stories on film in an area other than Scooby Doo, cartoons, or animated features with Luke Perry; the legend of the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow is finally brought to life, and he does a damn good job of that.

57) Funny Games: I'll admit, I didn't want to like this film because so many people told me it was "mocking" the very genre I love so much. But there's something about white gloved serial killers with golf clubs that freak me out. This is one film where I like the remake almost as much as the original. So you heard it from me, they are both brilliant, and they are both super twisted. If you like the foreign films, hit it up, otherwise...I can honestly say the English version will actually suffice.

58) The Changeling: I wish you knew how hard it was to find an image for this film, all that kept popping up was images from that sort of crappy Angelina Jolie flick. Anyways, this is one of the best ghost films, no questions asked. George C. Scott is intense and masterful, and doesn't allow you to take your eyes off him. However, the image of that boy drowning in the bathtub is a sight that will haunt you forever.

59) Dead Ringers: Psychological thrillers that have anything to do with gynecology or vagina of any kind freak me out. Experimenting with the idea that twins share some sort of mental wavelength, we see two identical twin gyno's that share a codependent relationship. There's a hell of a lot of mutated genetalia hallucinations given to us the way only David Cronenberg can deliver.

60) Martin: So it's no "of the dead" but it's an extremely overlooked flick. Martin is so certain that he’s a vampire that he subdues women, slashes them with razor blades, and drinks their blood. Like most of his films, this one is shot on a very tight budget.What’s really creepy, though, is the sense of inevitability Martin feels about his calling. When things get tough, Martin reaches out to a local radio talk show and becomes a minor celebrity, you know, like how Joe Dirt did it.

61) Little Nicky: So what happens when The Devil sleeps with an Angel? Well, apparently you get Adam Sandler with an Aeon Flux haircut and a speech impediment. Either way, this movie makes me laugh hysterically every single time. Playing around with the whole Heaven and Hell, Good Vs. Evil concept, we see a comedy film with a TON of horror attributes. There's scary ass demon things, posession, fire breathing, satanic messages, and Clint Howard in drag dancing to Stacy Q's "Two of Hearts".


62) The Mist: Alright, I'll say it. I LOVE this film. I'm an avid Stephen King fan and this one doesn't let me down. To be honest, I like the ending of this film better than I do in the book. It's a great monster film that has been created in a time where monster films are disrespected because "that can't happen". It is a fantastic example of how far people will go when they're afraid, and how quickly we turn savage when there's no where to turn. Sup Lord of the Flies?

63) Alice, Sweet Alice: Child. Serial Killer. How much more do you really have to say about a film that is centered around the idea of a kid killing off people? A real gem in the jewelry box of 1970's horror films, this film will haunt you for days. If the film doesn't itself...that damn mask will. If that's not enough for you, how about the fact that a baby-sized Brooke Shields stars as the precious sister and first victim of the film...

64) Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer: Getting in tap with the psyche of a Serial Killer just has bad news bears written all over it. Henry drifts around looking for victims whom he videotapes while he kills them. His ex-convict roommate Otis eventually joins in these abhorrent acts. This film is definitely an art film, but also has a terrifying story and some blood to push it into the acceptable category for horror fans. It's a pretty close comparison to the actual life of Henry Lee Lucas, and pretty damn terrifying to know that this actually happened.

65) Cronos: Before Hellboy, Guillermo del Toro gave us this strange little ditty. His feature length debut proves that as far as the fantasy/horror world is concerned, he's got talent. Clever twists on the vampire myth, this film narrates the tale of an old antiquarian who discovers the joy of living thanks to a mysterious artifact, the Cronos device. When a man named Jesus discoveres the device, not knowing what it is; activates it. He is then horrified as claws protrude from the orb, hold fast to his hand and proceed to dig into his flesh. So then the battle to either empower or destroy the device begins! Reminds me of Hellraiser meets Lord of the Rings...just a bit.

66) Cat People: Never has bestiality been so foxy. This is another film that both the remake as well as the original are amazing. A more feminine display of the "werewolf" idea, we see a woman who is cursed with the displeasure of turning into a panther if overwhelmed with extreme fits of emotion. She then goes out and attacks those who have caused her the fits of emotion. Poor girl can't even have sex without going panther on them. Depressing...

67) Don't Torture a Duckling: Fulci's personal favorite of all his films, a great example of spaghetti horror at its finest. Alot of the gorehounds and die-hard Fulci fans don't like this one, but I particularly obsess with it. So whatever. There's fat hookers that little boys pick on. Some people think it's stupid, I think it's fabulous. My favorite thing about this film? The title refers to a mentally handicapped girl's Donald Duck doll. Awesome.

68) Black Christmas: Once again, in NO way referring to the shitty ass remake someone attempted to make. This is the FIRST proper slasher film. With the crazy suspect killing off people one by one. Creepass Billy makes a little home for himself in the attic of a Sorority House and makes the entire house believe Peter is the one murdering off all the Sorority sisters, even though that big eyed kid is hiding upstairs. He doesn't ever come out unless he's making a phone call, or killing the girls. A great film with a fabulous ending, who knew the guy who directed A Christmas Story had it in him?

69) Cherry 2000: Being number 69, I had to have a film that has SOMETHING to do with sex...Definitely way more sci-fi than horror, but hey you know what I say...So Sam Treadwill has himself the "perfect sex machine" which he calls the Cherry 2000. The poor thing short circuits when he tries banging her on the kitchen floor soaked in suds. He searches for a replacement, enlisting Edith "E" Johnson to guide him through a post-apocolyptic USA in hopes to find a new robot. Fucking, Sweet.

70) The Initiation of Sarah: So, a really huge knock off of Carrie, but still lovable. A nerdy girl named Sarah and her pretty sister named Patty both pledge sororities, but while Patty is accepted to the top sorority, Sarah is left to join the nerdy sorority that is constantly tormented. Stupid girls should have known better since Sarah has telekinetic powers and will give you a true HELL WEEK.

71) The Hunger: David Bowie, Susan Sarandon, Catherine Deneuve, lesbians, and vampires. Shake it up, and here you have this film. I won't lie, seeing Susan Sarandon go from being my favorite slut Janet Weiss to becoming a lover for a vampire...I have to love this film. Another cult gem [David Bowie is in it, what do you expect?] This film is nothing more than porn with vampire fangs, but at least stays true to its vampire roots, one I recommend to all.


72) Shaun of the Dead: It may not be the first of the Zombie comedies, but it is certainly one of the best. Simon Pegg stars as Shaun in probably the most memorable Zombie comedy of all time. With British humor, a ton of classic zombie references, and the greatest "best friend"character ever put in a horror film, this is truly going to be a classic. This is the Return of the Living Dead for my generation, and I am damn proud to say so.

73) House of 1000 Corpses/The Devil's Rejects: Before Rob Zombie went off and had a raping fit with the Carpenter/Hill masterpiece, he actually did something fantastic. His little Firefly family is the creepiest and kookiest horror family since the Addams. Giving us two great films with plenty of horror and plenty of heart, he also hands us my absolute favorite ending of a horror film of all time on a silver platter engraved with "Freebird".

74) Dellamorte Dellamore/Cemetery Man: Oh Good God if Tits could kill. Anna Falchi is STEAMING in this film, and to be honest...I get more distracted watching that scene than anything else. The film's story concerns the beleaguered caretaker of a small, Italian Cemetery who searches for love while defending the town from zombies. Zombies + Anna Falchi = GOLD.


75) Pet Sematary: Who knew the kid who would later be Michelle Tanner's best friend on Full House would start off as the adorable yet creepy as hell Gage Creed in Stephen King's Pet Sematary? This film lets us know that whatever dies, should STAY dead...because otherwise they'll just slit your Achilles tendons and such.

5 comment(s):

B-Sol said...

Each recommendation list tops the one before it. Where do I start?
Anyone who gives props to The Uninvited is OK in my book. Beautiful theme song too, Stella By Starlight. Changeling was one of the creepiest movies of my childhood. And you can never have enough Fulci goodness!
Boy, has the bar been raised for the remaining recommendations...:-)

Planet of Terror said...

1. Props on the usage of 'persnickety'
2. Agree to disagree on The Mist
3. You forgot to mention the grand finale between Nicky and the almighty Ozzy
4. Both versions of Funny Games are ridiculously icky
5. Is there anything else going on in Cemetary Man other than Falchi's tits? Fucking epic

Planet of Terror said...

PS. Great list!

Soap Magic said...

Wait a minute, you recommended two Fulci movies, and none of them were The Beyond ?!?! Tisk tisk.

Wow, there's a lot of potentially scary movies on this list. It's shocking that I haven't seen any of the movies here (except for Shaun of the Dead, although I saw it a long time ago...). I'll make sure that I'll see most of these movies sometime this year.

By the way, I saw Dead Alive and Nosferatu. Those are some excellent movies! Dead Alive is the best horror-comedy I've ever seen, and Nosferatu was one of the most creepy, atmospheric movies I've ever seen. If you like atmosphere, then I highly recommend The Innocents, and F. W. Murnau's masterpiece, Faust! The first half of Faust is very creepy. Too bad the second half isn't as creepy.

BJ-C said...

Planet of Terror: I can't give away all the endings on these films, the Ozzy cameo is my...4th favorite part of that film, I wasn't about to spoil it to the kids that have never seen it, and I use persnickety in my daily vocabulary.

Soap Magic: Hey, I have to do this for another like...8 weeks. I can't drop amazing bombs like The Beyond early on, I gotta save some classics for the end. Otherwise I'll have a list that goes from awesome to shitbox. And yes, I have seen the Innocents and Faust! :)

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