Thursday, April 30, 2009


BEFORE I START: Check out my righteous new banner. Gnarly Brahh!

So, it seems that my featured items tend to get me the most responses from you fine folks, so I've decided to ask YOU, (yes you with the porn minimized behind this screen) what kind of features you'd like to see on this here blog. I've come up with a few choices, but as always, I'm open to recommendations!! Don't like what I gotta offer? Comment or email me at

BITCH OF THE MONTH: It's those characters you love to hate, and hate to love. The ones that you can't wait to be killed off but know they always have the best lines. The ones that drive you up the wall but no matter how douchebaggy they are, you can't forget them. If chosen, each month I will spotlight a bitch character in a horror film and remind us all of how much they suck.

HORROR HUNKS: For a blog dedicated to women, I don't do an awful lot of talking about the men we drool after. Hey, not every guy in a horror film has to yield a weapon. Sometimes they're the right hand man to the final girl, and sometimes they're killed off before we've even really gotten to know them. Every so often, I'll feature one of these heartthrobs and make our panties feel tighter after admiring these studs.

WOAH THAT'S HEAVY- HOT BUTTON HORROR TOPICS: I've touched mildly on this subject before. I've done specials on rape in horror films as well as religion in horror. Sometimes, the reason films are so scary because of how easily identifiable the situations in the films really are. Every once in a while I'll bring up a topic that seems....unsettling. Maybe films that kill off children or Buffalo Bill type people, you know...weird shit.

THE ULTIMATE BRUCE CAMPBELL DEDICATION SERIES: I'm sure you've noticed by now, I have an unhealthy obsession with Bruce Campbell. He is by far my favorite actor, not to mention my "taped to the ceiling" material since I was old enough to know what the tingly feeling he gave me meant. I'll post randomly different reasons as to why Bruce Campbell is THE MAN.

WHAT IF ____ HAD BEEN A WOMAN?: Think about the classics; Dracula, The Wolf Man, Frankenstein, The Mummy, The Swamp Thing, Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, GODZILLA?! All males. Every last one of them. What if they were women? How different would it have been if Michelle Myer's mask had been a Nancy Ragean one spray painted white? What if the Wolfwoman actually styled her fur? What if Freddy Kruegar had been a Francine and had blood red paint at the end of her razor nails? The world may never know...unless I have something to say about it!

SPOTLIGHTING HORROR WOMEN IN THE BIZ: There's a million and one horror actresses out there, but what about the women behind the scenes? Did you know that the director of Pet Sematary, one of the BEST Stephen King adaptations was a woman? Didn't think so. Her name is Mary Lambert & she's pictured left BTW. We do an awful lot of discussion about women on the screen, but what about those ladies off screen? I'll showcase women of all labels from Directors, Screenwriters, Makeup Artists, Special Effect Coordinators, and all other sorts. Can't have a film without them!

KELLY'S CORNER: I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for this fine lady. My mother (pictured as Garth on my sidebar alongside my daddy) is the first person to introduce me to the horror genre. Showing me IT at the age of four and expressing the same love affair of Robert Englund. Every once in a while I'll take in questions for people to ask my mom about "raising" a horror fanatic, or how watching films in the past are different from now or I don't know. You be the questionaires :)

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

WOMAN OF THE WEEK: Beverly Sutphin

Happy Humpday! Today we have a special treat for this week's Woman of the Week. We are having our first character as Woman of the Week! Normally, my WotW's have been actresses, but in honor of John Waters' birthday this week, I've decided to feature one of my favorite characters of his. Today we are showcasing Beverly Sutphin (Kathleen Turner), also known as Serial Mom.

On the surface, Beverly is the ideal mother. She recycles, birdwatches, and loves her family very much. She's always looking out for her children and is extremely protective of them. You could say she's a little...too protective.

Her son Chip (a long haired Matthew Lillard) has a huge obsession with horror films (sounds like a steallar guy =]). However his douchebag teacher insulted him for it and Momma had to take care of her boy. What other way than to run over that assclown teacher, back up, and do it again! How dare he insult horror movie lovers. If you ask me, he was asking for it.

Her darling daughter (a fabulously chubby Ricki Lake) was stood up by some Hunky McHunkerson dude and instead was spotted with some other bimbo. Instead of buying her daughter Ben & Jerry's like most parents, she went above and beyond! Beverly Sutphin impaled this jerkasaurus with a fire poker!!

When the happy family goes to church that Sunday, they are rudely followed by a slew of police cars! On the way there, the bastard news reporters on the car radio named Beverly as the suspect in two more murders! Betty and Ralph Sterner totally deserved it! Who in their right mind would call a woman in on a Saturday and eat birds that she so delicately watches?! When they arrive at church, the church's message board announces that the sermon is "Capital Punishment & You." During the sermon, the priest tries to justify the death penalty by claiming that Jesus Christ could have spoken out against capital punishment while he was being crucified. Disgusting. How awful?

Then there's this crazy old bag Mrs. Jensen who has some weird freak obsession with the musical Annie. That in itself is enough to get yourself bludgeoned over the head with a leg of lamb...which is exactly what happened. That bitch called Chip a son of a psycho when he charged her for not rewinding. Plus, anyone who listens to Annie for fun needs to be medicated.

Chips friend Scotty (that kid from Suzy Q) witnesses the act and for some reason runs to take refuge a an L7 show (beware flying tampons kids!). Momma Sutphin has to protect herself so she pulls a KISS move and sets him a flame by spitting aerosol and a lighter. Awesome

She is later set to court for all these murders. However one of her jurors (wearing white shoes after labor day mind you) and a few other reluctantly watch her defend herself. She some how manages to use her intelligence to warp the situation into making herself innocent. She even goes as far to spread her legs beneath a table in order to cause a witness into perjury. Guilty or not, that's a bold move to make.

She even manages a movie deal out of the whole situation! Suzanne Somers plans on starring as Beverly Sutphin in a movie adaptation of her crimes. How badass is that? However, that juror with the white shoes had it coming. Beverly attacks the woman and beats her over the head with a payphone reciever. However, still innocent of her crimes, she announced to her family that she's coming home and Suzanne Somers stares in terror.

Thankyou Beverly Sutphin for being the true definition of "Mommy Fearest". Wire hangers ain't got nothing on you :)

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Welcome Back DotW readers! I hope you liked my little recommendations yesterday, keep coming back for another 25 every monday! Today however, we're doing my favorite day of the week, TERRIBLE POSTER TUESDAY!

This week, the poster is more of a personal feeling that it's terrible. I know a lot of people who like this poster, but I can't stand it. This is probably because I am a competitive baton twirler of fifteen years, and I was a majorette throughout my high school years and am now a feature twirler at my university. Everyone is so sidetracked by the sexy girl, that we fail to notice how awful it really is!

First of all, this poster portrays the Majorette as being the killer, when in reality, the majorettes were the victims of this film. I was hoping that when I bought this film I'd see a bunch of girls popping off the rubber ends of their batons and completely impaling people. However, watching my sisters in twirling get slayed wasn't exactly what I had pictured the film to be. The poster completely threw me off because I thought they were the killers. I still love the film, but the poster was definitely false advertising.

Second, the tagline...while corny and lovable, just isn't true. Siss, Boom, Bah or in this case, BLOOD, is associated with Cheerleaders. Majorettes are NOT cheerleaders. Don't even get me started on how frustrating it is to call a Majorette or even associate a Majorette with a cheerleader. While the film does include deaths of cheerleaders, it doesn't advertise don't use a tagline that doesn't relate to Majorettes.

Third, you can BARELY see the baton. If you are promoting a film about majorettes, you might want to show the weapon of choice a little better. The focus of this image is definitely sexy girl and not baton as a weapon. Plus, that baton looks like a Q-Tip. I know it's the 80's but they had batons that didn't resemble Q-Tip's back then. That baton is a cheapass one you could get at the dollar tree.

Fourth, the blood on the face is very obvious that someone put a fake blood packet to the cheek and squeezed. It would have been better to douse a paintbrush and splattered it rather than give it that super fake look. I understand this film was done on a super low budget, but I'm sure they could have afforded one paintbrush or something. When is the last time you killed someone and blood looked that specific across the face? I also love how the blood magically doesn't touch the eyes whatsoever. It looks more like she was eating someone rather than killing someone. Oh wait, that's right, THE MAJORETTES WEREN'T THE KILLERS.

Fifth, her eyeliner is uneven. My specialty as far as stage makeup is concerned is the eyes, and to see uneven eye makeup drives me CRAZY. I understand that maybe if you're Paris Hilton and have that "one eye is always more open than the other" thing going on, then yes you can have uneven makeup. This girl, does not however.

Lastly, WHERE THE FUCK WAS THIS CHICK IN THE FILM?! All the girls in this film were totally 80's tastic with awful costumes and bad hair. However, this girl looks like she could be the long lost Kardashian child. No one in that film looked this sexy. No one had this modern of hair either....

The other poster that was created for this film (but much more unseen) captures what the film was all about. It isn't shown as often because it isn't seen as "sexy" or captivating as the other poster. While I understand why they chose the other one, I firmly believe they could have used the same chick covered in blood in the first poster and put her in the same situation as this poster. You get a good boob shot, some midriff and the possible start of an O-Face. This poster shows the Majorette in struggle rather than makes her out to be the killer. I like this one, SOOO MUCH better. Maybe using a different baton. That one isn't for twirling, that one is more for band leading...just saying.

So I know a ton of people actually love this poster, but I guess being a baton twirler makes me bias. I've said it before & I'll say it again, my rules :)

Monday, April 27, 2009


I'm probably the best person to ever watch movies with *brushes shoulders* I'll make you popcorn and snacks, and write about our adventure on DotW! However...I have one condition. YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY WATCH THE FILM. I cannot tell you how infuriating it is to be watching a movie and someone tries to have a completely irrelevant conversation with me, or is texting, or has to get up and use the bathroom and wants me to pause the film. You wouldn't get up in a theater, so don't get up now...

So, a while back I asked for some rainy day topic suggestions from you lovely DotW readers. Well, there's a 90% chance of rain in Macomb, and I am giving you my all-time horror movie recommendation list. Granted, I'll probably forget something I absolutely love, but hey, no snot out of my nose.

This will contain some classics, some cliches, some slashers, some thrillers, some that make you feel like you need drugs, some that make you feel like you're on drugs, and some that you just may not have ever seen before. It's also going to be a continuing page. I'll probably post one every Monday for a good while until I reach like...250 films or something. So make sure you come back soon :)


1) Carrie: I'm absolutely obsessed with Stephen King novels (his film adaptations will appear on here more than once, I guarantee it). Carrie was the one that started me off in my love affair with all things King. Afterward, you'll hear my uncanny impersonation of "They're all going to laugh at you!"

2) Zombi 2: So, it's spaghetti horror (VIVA ITALIA!), has Conquistador, throat ripping/eating, Tisa Farrow, underwater zombies, a zombie vs. shark fight, and who could forget the bitch who gets the wood splinter to the eye? Afterward, I will chase you around the house with a wooden splinter to see if the eyelashes really bend inverted like that. Can't say I didn't warn you.

3) Dead Alive: The only awesome thing Peter Jackson ever did that didn't include homo-eroticism, or hobbits, or both. There's plenty of red dyed corn syrup blood and latex limbs, not to mention a priest who KICKS ASS FOR THE LORD! Afterward, we will discuss whether or not this film would have won an Oscar had it been given a bigger budget.

4) The Evil Dead Series/Army of Darkness: I will warn you, if you ask me to put in one of Bruce Campbell's films, I will make you watch them all with me. There's raping trees, self amputation, and Bruce -Itouchmyselfatnighttoyou- Campbell in them. Afterward, you will leave... I may have a date with Bruce... alone.

5) Slash: He's got a face like leather, an instrument like the Grim Reaper, and tortures kids in barns. This film is one of those "so awful it's good" movies. To be honest, I've seen scarier episodes of Yo! Gabba Gabba. However, you can't beat a film that ends with the band singing about their experiences, metal music style, with the word E-I-E-I-O in it. Afterward, we will attempt to Google image the movie poster without Guns & Roses popping up.

6) Magic: It's the film that made Anthony Hopkins scary to me even before he started eating people. Plus, it has ventriloquist dummies. There's something really terrifying about a doll that needs to have a hand up its ass to make words that scares the shit out of me. Afterward, we will discuss how Dead Silence sucks so badly in comparison.

7) Freaks: So before it became popular to exploit people with deformities on Discovery Channel, and little people got a hit series on TLC, we had this film. Asking us the question "who are the real freaks?" the film was a cult hit, and who can forget the ONE OF US jingle? Afterward, we'll discuss why Michelle Duggar should have been cast as "The Fruitful Uterus".

8) Day of the Woman: The very film for which this blog gets its name. There is nothing better than a good ol' rape & revenge tale, and this one takes the cake. Camille Keaton kicks major ass as Jenny, and has one of the best dick-chop scenes ever put in a film. Afterward, we will sit in a rocking chair while listening to classical music, and wait for the screams to stop.

9) Let The Right One In: So, this film has slowly but surely become one of my favorite films (of any genre) of all time. With an incredibly touching yet disturbing story, a wall-climbing vampire, and finally the secret to why vampires hang outside windows; this film is incredible. Afterward, we will lay on the floor with our eyes closed just listening to the stunning score for the film.

10) Freddy, Michael, Leatherface, and Jason Films: I already know people are going to hate me for lumping them all together, but face it...these films all kind of go hand in hand in hand in razor glove. It's almost impossible for me to watch one of them, without watching all of them. So we may have to have a slasher movie fest in order for this one to work. I mean hell, they all have about 85 sequels each. Afterward, we'll discuss what happens before the kids fall asleep, on Thursday the 12th, and on October 30th.

11) Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday The 13th: Before Anna Farris made the wisest career choice of her life, we had horror parodies that parodied ONLY horror. This one is by far my favorite. with the best character name EVER (Principal Interest or The Administrator-For merely-Known-As-Principal), and a kid who has a sign on his back that says "I Heart Stab Wounds". Afterward, we're going to find out what you REALLY did last Hanukkah.

12) Odishon: Yes, I know it's cliche to recommend this film. Yes, I did only watch it because Rob Zombie said it was the only film that scared him. Yes, the last 45 minutes did make me really really freaked out. Yes, I watched it with subtitles, not with dubs and it still terrified me. Afterward, we're going to lay in the street in bags, and sit up for no reason just to fuck with people.

13) Return of the Living Dead: Okay, so it's no Romero, but it's got Tarman, split dogs, and B-Sol of the Vault of Horror's walking wet dream, Trash. This movie is an absolute classic in every way, and introduces the first zombie to ever moan for "BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS". Afterward, we will go to the cemetery and dance naked.

14) Nosferatu: Even without words, this film still gives me the heebie-jeebies. An absolute classic, it features the quintessential vampire tale and one of the most iconic characters of all time. There's something about a vampire with the face of Voldemort, whose fangs are his two front teeth, that just haunts me after all this time. Afterward, we will watch the episode of Spongebob Squarepants where Nosferatu is flipping light switches, and smiles :)

15) Bride of Frankenstein: Yes, back to back classics :). While it may be a bit barbaric knowing she was only there because "the monster demands a mate" the film is in my eyes, perfection. However, I feel for ol' Frankie because the Bride of Frankenstein is a bitch! She doesn't like him! How can you not like darling ol' flattop? Afterward, we will note the hair resemblance between the Bride and Magenta in the last scenes of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

16) The Shining: I promised more Stephen King, so I'm recommending the best. Stanley Kubrick may in fact be the best director to ever walk the planet, and he made the BEST film adaptation of any of Stephen King's novels-turned-films. Jack Nicholson is absolutely terrifying, and the sea of blood still makes me fear hotel hallways. Not to mention, those damn Grady twins randomly being slain in the hallway makes my heart beat faster for all the wrong reasons. Afterward, we'll ride tricycles down hotel hallways in hopes of finding some adventures.

17) Twitch of the Death Nerve: Another spaghetti horror (this time from Mario Bava) that you MUST see. Tons of murders, a really twisted story line, and an ending that will haunt you for a pretty good period of time. Theres a good combo of slasher, naked-ness, and zombie in this flick; but it's just... words cannot describe. This is a film most of my horror friends surprisingly haven't seen, so I don't want to give away too much. Afterward, we will listen to the score, and wonder why we can't have music like this anymore...

18) Romero's films: I've been trying to pinpoint a single "...of the Dead" film to recommend, but I can't. So you know what, I'll recommend them all. Every single one of his films has impacted the horror genre. He's given us absolutely fabulous characters, and zombie films that have evolved along with the times and still manage to creep us out. Another day that may have to be a movie marathon. Afterward, we're going to find Big Daddy, Bub, and Karen Cooper... and we're going to come for Barbara.

19) Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: One of the most underrated films, in my opinion. Out of all the different adaptations, its the best by far. It's pre-code, so it doesn't hold back like the Spencer Tracy version. Hyde is a blatantly violent, sexual beast and Jekyll is the perfect Bruce Banner archetype. Afterward, we're going to sip the special potion and see what our opposites look like.

20) Hard Rock Zombies: If any of you out there have read this, or even HEARD of this film before my site, please tell me ASAP. I saw this film as part of our "Worst Movie Ever Made" club. The inhabitants consist of mutant dwarfs, a snuff photographer in a leisure suit, and a werewolf grandma in a wheelchair. Plus Adolf Hitler disguised as Grandpa. Afterward, we'll be getting married in Vegas... because no one I know has seen this masterpiece.

21) Them!: Giant. Fucking. Ants. Do I really need to explain why we need to watch this? Afterward, we'll power wash the sidewalks and destroy all those pesky anthills in the cracks on the sidewalk.

22) [REC]: Good gracious. The film that is everything Blair Witch wished it could have been. We all fear the unknown, and especially fear things that "can really happen". Why else do we cheer when we see huge explosions in films but flip out in terror when we see them on MOST EXTREME HOME VIDEOS? This film truly does a number on you, exploiting your fears of the unknown and the unexplained. Afterward, we'll make our own home videos of ourselves being attacked.

23) The Serpent and the Rainbow: Real Zombies. I'm serious. Wes Craven shows us what it's REALLY like to be a supposed zombie. The real-life drugs that zombify the body, the horror behind the voodoo religion and the evil that lurks beneath it. Just what you need before bedtime. Afterward, we'll experiment with drugs and see which combo makes us zombies... SIKE.

24) Phantasm: It's like George A. Romero hit up the cast of Willow and gave them the mentality of Harley Quinn from The Batman comics... DO MY BIDDING! Afterward, we'll try to find a dwarf zombie in a Zombie Walk gallery.

25) The Stepford Wives: First, be aware that I am in no way referring to the 2004 remake with Nicole Kidman and the guy who was once Ferris Bueller and is now boning Sarah Jessica Parker... I'm talking about the creepy as hell 1972 version with Katharine Ross. It's the tale of having "perfection"--or having your husband turn you into a June Cleaver robot version of yourself. Afterward, we'll vacuum in pearls.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Why Kim in Edward Scissorhands SUCKS

So I had a weekend of pageant crazyness, and need to get out some pent-up frustration. What other way to get out that frustration than to RANT about something totally different?

On my four-hour train ride back to school, I popped in my handy dandy DVD of Edward Scissorhands. (So It's a HUGE stretch as a horror film, but hey it's my rules.) I giggled at how Kathy Bates looks like pure hell in that film (living proof that porcelain veneers work wonders), wished Diane Wiest would just adopt me already, pumped my fists at the nerd from The Breakfast Club who was now the asshole popular kid... and realized how much the love story BLOWS.

Now don't get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE Winona Ryder. Even if she's stealing shit, she's Lydia Deetz, GODDAMN IT! So this is in no way a hater-rant on Winona. However, after watching Edward Scissorhands today, I clearly think I must've been on crack the last few times I've watched it. I loved the whole "you can catch me dancing in it" and loved how Edward wound up with his dream girl...UNTIL I REALIZED THAT YOU, KIM, FREAKING SUCK.

Here are my reasons as to why...

1) You chose Anthony Michael Hall over Johnny Depp for a good three quarters of the film.
2) You have the worst bangs I have ever seen.
3) You BARELY say anything to Edward.
4) You "fell in love" with him through one glance through a television screen.
5) You never did SHIT for him.
6) You convinced people he died, and NEVER came back to visit him.
7) You never told anyone how YOU and YOUR LAME ASS BOYFRIEND are the ones who broke into the house--even though you pretended to be all high and mighty by being Jim's "conscience".
8) You have the same damn expression the entire film. Sorry I'm not convinced you can fall in love by staring at someone with mouth agape.
9) You gave him the most B.S. kiss I've ever seen in a film.

Maybe it's the lack of character development of Kim Boggs, but I just wasn't buying it. I never once for a second saw her "understand" Edward in any way, shape, or form. As far as I'm concerned, she has a razorblade fetish. If that's the case. She should just go bone Ville Valo from H.I.M. He's got the same haircut. I'm sure he'll touch you with razors, too. No offense to Tim Burton, but he's made a better love story with a Baldwin & Geena Davis, and claymation characters....twice.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Queen Junk=No Blogging :(

Well, some of you may or may not know, but I am a pageant queen where I live. So this weekend is filled with events and community service projects.. Sadly, the only time I have to even touch a computer is today. But, I didn't forget about you! I love you all and always appreciate comments, criticisms, and anything else you have to throw at me. I'll see you all on Monday!

PS; I can GUARANTEE you, I'll be looking like that photo by the end of the weekend.

<3 always,

Thursday, April 23, 2009


So recently, I've come across my newest obsession, LostZombies[dot]com. Let's just say that it is an online "zombie" social networking site attempting to build a horde of fans, and they are creating the first-ever community generated zombie film & book. Meaning, you join, you submit your zombie pictures and zombie walk videos, make your own zombie videos, and they are compiling it all into a movie. Even cooler, yours truly was even named the Zombie Babe of the Night (pictured to the right). So that got me to thinking... there isn't much talk of female zombies. We all know people like Big Daddy, Bub and Conquistador... but what about the girls? It is for this reason that I've compiled a list of the top zombie women.

She may not be the hottest zombie on this list. Probably the only one that isn't attractive on this list, but you gotta admit, her awakening was SCARY. Zombies are scary enough when you know they're hungry for your flesh, but this one just looks HUNGRY! She looks the love child of Tom's wife on Tom Goes to the Mayor and post infection Brenda from Slither. She earned a spot by scaring us little horror fans everywhere.

14) LIVING DEAD DOLLSThese aren't real, but then again, neither are zombies. I love the Living Dead Dolls. These little buggers are so eerie you have to love them. Every little undead girl needs to have a little undead companion, and the Living Dead Dolls are the perfect ones! Hot Topic kids all over the country are eating these creatures up like CRAZY.  Whatever gruesome little ghouls you can imagine, I guarantee you can find in doll form from these little dead lovelies. Now, these dolls come in many forms, but they're on this list for their AWESOME zombie doll. Check it out, and get one for yourself!

This one may not have been the most convincing zombie, but she sure made a statement. If you look at this picture, she's almost smiling. I don't know about you, but I don't think many zombies smile. This grinning ghoul however gave a touch of glamor to the undead world. Not to mention, the actress playing her was one of Tom Savini's makeup artists for the film. How awesome is that?

12) ZOMBIE PINUPSI am a total sucker LOVE glamorous zombie makeup. These lovely ladies truly represent the kind of woman I would want in my life. We've forgotten what a truly CLASSIC beauty, they are classic pinups....ZOMBIFIED! These ladies are the absolute perfect combination of horror and hotness. Their tagline is "Beauty & BRAAIIIIIIINSSS!" and they couldn't be more correct on that one. The ability to make a zombie a beautiful creature is a pretty tough feat, and these women do it with ease. Plus, who wouldn't want a zombie pin up calendar?

While the zombie outbreak is all around Shaun and Ed, their drunk asses don't even realize the undead are walking amongst them! It isn't until their encounter with Mary the cashier who winds up in Shaun's garden that they figure out brain-thirsty zombies have invaded England. Who can forget the scene where Shaun asks for help and Ed takes a picture? Or the whipping of Sade albums at her head, and finally the introduction of the cricket bat as the most iconic zombie killing instrument since the boomstick?

Allison Hayes has been my WotW before, and we've mentioned her classic status as the 50 ft. Woman, but I didn't talk much about her in Zombies of Mora Tau. In this film, she sports quite possibly the GREATEST bra that man has ever known. I have no idea how boobs that big are up that high. It's a miracle. Now you look at her and she looks less like a Zombie and more like a model, but hey, it works for me. Just because you're not rotting doesn't mean you can't lust for BRAAAAAAAAAAINS.

Okay, so her real "credited" character name is Number 9. But as much as I love the Beatles reference, I think that name doesn't suit her. That doesn't mean that she doesn't earn a spot on this list. She is absolutely gorgeous for a zombie. Plus, SHE LOVES BASEBALL! She's basically me as a zombie. Anyone who can make the "dead-and-missing-part-of-my-mouth" look attractive is okay in my book.

Do I really need to explain why she made it to this list? She's Jenna Fucking Jameson. Probably the biggest name in porn since Marilyn Monroe's centerfold and she's A ZOMBIE. It's basically my biggest fantasy come to life. Love her or hate her, Jenna Jameson made a damn sexy Zombie. I have wished to be Robert Englund before, but never nearly as much as I did after seeing him receive special treatment from these steamy zombie women.

This is another one of those zombies I absolutely adore. The film itself combines two of my favorites, Night of the Living Dead & Pleasantville. First of all, she wins the award for the best Zombie hair-do EVER. If anyone out there has tried to re-create fifties style hair rolls, they are the most difficult things to do EVER. Let alone rock them when you've been dead. For a zombie, she also has some ROCKING skin. I am fully alive and my skin doesn't look nearly as good as hers does. I got her beat in the smile department, but when you're only purpose is to give "companionship" to the living, I'm sure they won't mind. She's also got some really pretty eyes for a zombie. They're very lovely. Still don't understand why she's here? Well, how about the fact that... she puts out. Laugh if you must, but if you can have wild zombie sex, take advantage of it. Is it necrophilia if the dead know they're being wanged?

This zombie is probably more famous for her butt than anything else. Why naked zombies? Well, why not?! Why should zombies have to worry about clothing? They don't have anyone to impress. In fact, I don't think I've seen another naked zombie other than Pete in SOTD. If you look back at my older posts, you'll know that the VHS box art for this film gave me nightmares, and yes, HER ASS was a part of that. PS: Does anyone else notice the striking resemblance this picture has to the I Spit on Your Grave cover. If not, look at this pic, and then look at my blog header... weird.

5) LIVING DEAD GIRLZI'll be honest. I am absolutely OBSESSED with the Living Dead Girlz. It's like someone put the Pussycat Dolls in a room with Zombies and someone who could actually dance and BAM, out popped these ladies. Not only are they drop-dead[literally] gorgeous women, but they have some killer dance skills. I'll be the first to tell you I'm a mad dancer and watching these girls dance is like a dream. If you ever get the chance, see a show, they're FABULOUS. Maybe in about 5 years they'll want a new gimmick and have a baton twirling dead girl... If only...

This film has more "character" zombies than any other film I've seen, but I LOVE the Zombie Nurse. How scary is it when there's a zombie outbreak, and even those who are supposed to help us heal are the ones infected?! It's pretty eerie knowing that instead of taking my temperature, she'll probably eat my face off. Plus, look at this picture, that face is priceless. :)

By far one of the the HOTTEST zombies to ever grace the screen. Julie Walker makes piercing glass look foxy. Her makeup is absolutely fabulous, and words cannot even encompass the sexuality that just races around her. She's got a slamming figure, and one of the nicest racks to ever be in the horror genre. Now, ROTLD III isn't a "good" horror movie by any means, but just because the movie isn't up to par doesn't mean you can't have steaming hot memorable characters!

2) TRASH FROM RETURN OF THE LIVING DEADEveryone's favorite grave-dancing hoochie has her ultimate fantasy become reality, only to become arguably the sexiest zombie of all time. I recently pondered if Trash was hotter alive or undead. And while the jury may still be out on that one, just answer me this question: No one wants to have their brains eaten out, but if it absolutely, positively HAD to happen, is there honestly anyone else you'd rather have do it?

Arguably, Karen Cooper gets the most love from your friends here at DotW, but hell, she deserves it! With the most iconic picture of horror history, one of the coolest weapons of death, and the fact that homegirl ATE HER BIOLOGICAL FATHER, who else would be on top? She is the 'first' female Zombie of the Zombie age that we all know and love and in my opinion, the character that put Romero on the map. Our darling little daddy mucher is by far the greatest Female Zombie of all-time.
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