Sunday, March 15, 2009

Well, Women are crafty aren't they?

So sorry I've been a bit MIA. I've been driving home for Spring Break and last night was consumed of adventures in Milwaukee for the world record holding midnight showings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show by the fabulous cast of Sensual Daydreams.

Anyways, my mother and I were discussing how "crafty" women are, in regards to daily life. It seems that women are under-the-radar MacGyver's when it comes to almost anything. We can whip up a meal at a second's notice, improvise outfits for any occasion, and countless other things that feminists are reading me type and growling... Regardless, I'm gonna showcase my personal favorite interesting or improvised kills. That being, they use a really strange weapon of some sort.

First off we have one of my favorite movies 2001 Maniacs. If it wasn't wonderful enough that Robert Englund was a one eyed mayor of a ghost Civil War cannibal town, or the fact Tim Sullivan directed...the character of "Miss Peaches" more than makes up for it. Not only is she the town prostitute, but she's also the stereotypical white trash hooker. She wears daisy dukes, she's missing teeth, and she's got short, over-processed hair. I've seen Wendy Kremer outside of her "Miss Peaches" ensemble, and she's a fox. As the town prostitute, she clearly makes sex her power tool, especially when she's going down on some poor sap and puts that death grill in her mouth. I'm sure I don't need to tell anyone what happens next :)

Another B-Movie I absolutely love is Monster Man where we have one of the Disney Channel kids all grown up and doing a sort-of horror film. If the dialogue didn't have the humor to make this movie extremely enjoyable, the character of "Sister Sarah" totally does. What's even better, is that you don't realize her improvisation of her weapon until the end of the film. I'm not going to give away WHY she does what she does, because that'll ruin the movie. She has to take a virginity for something...and does so...while talking like Yoda. Nothing says "Wow, I picked the wrong girl" better than knowing your death went hand in hand with Yoda sounding sex. "The Force is Strong beneath this one..."

Another film I find extremely underrated on its originality, is Carrie 2: The Rage. Granted, I'm mega bias when it comes to anything Carrie related, but this film was very entertaining for me. Horror films don't always have to scare me for it to be enjoyable. This film has by far some of the most insanely freaky deaths. Everything from glass doors decapitating, a mass amount of molotov cocktails, a pole through one head, through the peephole in the door and through the head of the person on the other side, to death by CD's, to eye glasses breaking and shooting shards of glass into the eyes [causing her to harpoon another boy in the groin], and harpoons underwater. While many people hate this film for being a sequel to such a classic, I love it and I will always recommend it to horror fans with an open mind...which is hard to come by these days :)

My last but certainly not least favorite Female[sort of] killer who improvises very...strange tools is Angela/Peter Baker of Sleepaway Camp. Little known fact, but this blog wouldn't be around if it wasn't for her/his crafty killings. B-Sol of The Vault of Horror posted a list of slashers on Bloody-Disgusting[dot]com and made her/his "weapon of choice" a curling iron. In the midst of whiny horror fans complaining about the list, I replied how "I spit diet coke when I read that". Thus, a mentor-ship was born! Angela/Peter Baker has some of the most memorable kills, because they were so...crafty. Plenty of household items like curling irons or boiling water was used. Since she/he is a slasher, of course the knife showed up plenty of times, but In my opinion. Curling iron to the lower the coolest weapon ever.

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